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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

name shortening at nursery

163 replies

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 00:02

Please tell me if I am being PFB about this.

My dd is 18 months and has been at nursery from 9 months. When she started we told the nursery what shortening of her name we use (there are a few options). After a while I noticed that some nursery staff were using a different shortening so I asked the key worker if they could use the specific shortening we use. But I have noticed that some staff continue to use that other shortening, including the room supervisor. It sounds quite different to the shortening we use. It's a bit like her being called Catherine, at home being called Cathy and at nursery being called Katy. So what they are calling her there really sounds a lot different to what we call her at home.

I don't want to come across as a crazy PFB parent but I want to say something again to the staff. My DP thinks there is no need to say anything.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Primaryteach87 · 23/03/2016 00:06

I don't think this is pfb. I'm a teacher, we would always use the name/shortenings parents (and children as they get older) prefer. In fact I seem to remember having about a days training on the importance of using correct name and pronounciation when doing my teacher training. It was focused in names from different ethnic backgrounds but actually I think yes true for all of us. I would ask to speak to the supervisor or manager and explain you have mentioned it a few times and you want to now make it really clear that your dd's name is x or x or y.

Primaryteach87 · 23/03/2016 00:07

^apologies for all the typos, on my phone and it autocorrects with gusto...

Fatmomma99 · 23/03/2016 00:08

it's late, and I should be in bed, so prepared to be disagreed-with, but I think this is you being PFB. Because I think you are trying to control something over which you ultimately have no control. Your DD's BFs and boyfriends and teachers and people who like her and people who don't are all going to come up with "their" names for her. And you won't be able to control any of it.

So, yes, you could go into nursery and insist "my DD is only called Catherine or Cathy", but it's ultimately pointless and people throughout her life will call her Catherine and Cathy and Cath and Katey and Kate and then nicknames, and every other name. And there will be sweet FA you can do about it!

TheSnowFairy · 23/03/2016 00:09

Yes, I would say something.

DD has a name that can be shortened in lots of ways (as do I).

We both prefer to be called by our full names though, I remember correcting people a lot when I was younger.

ValancyJane · 23/03/2016 00:09

I think YAB slightly U, kids are good at responding to different nicknames and it's not doing her any harm. My Mum calls me a different name to most of my friends. I would maybe mention it to nursery but not get too worked up about it!

Sprink · 23/03/2016 00:11

people throughout her life will call her Catherine and Cathy and Cath and Katey and Kate and then nicknames, and every other name.

By that stage the child will be able to correct them if she wishes.

At this stage she can't, and it's confusing. Theybshiuldntespect thrnfsmiky'snname
For her.

PlaymobilPirate · 23/03/2016 00:11

I think you're being ridiculous. My D's has a short name. One of his old key workers lengthens it - so a bit like 'Jimmyjam' if he was Jim. It's fine. Ds loves her and says it's her special name for him.

Sprink · 23/03/2016 00:11

Or even respect the family's name for her.

hawaiibaby · 23/03/2016 00:14

Not pfb at all - though you'll get lots saying 'you can't control it, she and others will choose etc.' But whilst she is the age she is, of course you want the name shortenung used which you use at home and as her parent have chosen! It could also be a little confusing for her if it's quite different - why would you be OK with her having two name shortenings?!
Also if she stays at nursery until school and meets friends there, the nursery's nn is more likely to be the one that sticks and that isn't on. It's not like either her or you will have chosen it then.

Sprink · 23/03/2016 00:15

playmobil what you describe sounds different.

ASAS · 23/03/2016 00:16

Not really up to nursery staff to pick a nickname for a toddler though is it? Hence the reason why most paperwork for this age group asks for 'known as' as well as 'name'.

Specifically as it's so different to how she's known please raise this. Just one short sentence tomorrow morning, "As you know she is called Eliza. So can I remind everyone that calling her Lisa is no doubt very confusing for her. Have a good one, bye."

Original poster

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 00:20

Thanks for your comments.

Yes, that's one of my concerns hawaiibaby
PlaymobilPirate having nickname is a different situation. That would be really cute if they had a special nickname for her. But it is not a nickname, it is some of the staff using a different shortening.
Fatmomma99 I see your point but as Sprink and hawaiibaby say, she can't chose or correct people at aged 18 months. If she wants to chose a different shortening when she's older, of course I will respect that.

OP posts:

MadamDeathstare · 23/03/2016 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enkopkaffetak · 23/03/2016 00:28

YANBU

This drives me CRAZY.. I have a name that ought to not be shortened (its 2 syllables for starters so not long and the short sounds blinking awful)

DD2 has a name that ends with an A sound. However the more common version of her name ends in an E result is many chooses to call her the wrong name (think Christine instead of Christina type thing) She is 16 and it really bothers her.

This is people who are looking after her for extended periods of time. You are meant to have a certain trust in them. This means them listening to you as well as you listening to them. So I would actually outright say to the key worker and the leader.

"I really do not want you to call her Katy. At home we call her Cathy or you can stick with Catherine if you prefer - if your ok with her full name being used- However I would like you all calling her Katy to stop"

Don't apologise for it and do not use please.. Just state it that is the way you want it. Please suggests in this situation there is a element of choice. If you want to soften it then you can go with something like " DP and I are keen to ensure she doesn't get confused about being called lots of different names I am sure you understand why we are worried there" and give a huge smile.

I spend a parents eve time slot with 1 teacher correcting him when I had my niece living with me, He insisted on using just 1 of her names (hers is a hyphen name) now considering the fact he had marked her math down for writing a fraction piece with a : like she had been taught in Denmark and not the way he preferred (with a line between the 2 dots - do not know how to do that on this computer) This really bothered me, So everytime he called her (say Anne) I corrected it to " Anne-Marie" each of the rest of the teachers picked it up the first time I did it he persisted until I stopped him and said outright " her name is Anne-Marie NOT Anne" He finally got the hint then.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/03/2016 01:15

No you're being unreasonable. Let me just assume her BC name is Elizabeth. You call her Beth. The nursery calls her Lizzie. To a child Lizzie and Beth are 2 completely different names

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/03/2016 02:25

Yanbu.

Teachers and nursery staff do not get to decide what they call a child.

Bluebolt · 23/03/2016 07:16

At my DC primary the reception teacher informed us that register name only would be used, she had a queue of parents asking for a shortened name.

Katinkka · 23/03/2016 07:21

I think it's ridiculous to give a child a name you don't intend to use...

curren · 23/03/2016 07:26

I can't get upset about this. Tbh.

My Ds has the long version of his name but we call him a short version. I out the short version in 'proffered name'. School put his long version on everything which I changed. Because they made him write the long version out when doing his name on a morning. We have a long surname so it was taking ages and he was getting bored half way through.

People using different versions of his name have never bothered me. In saying that people calling me a nickname has never bothered me either. I had about 6 versions of my name in my last job and it's didn't bother me

sn0wdr0p4 · 23/03/2016 08:13

YANBU I work in a Pre-School and we always ask the parents what name or shortening of name they would like us to call their child. This also applies to what should be written on the child's work, and how the child should learn to write their name.
A few years ago we had a child from an ethnic background who's name had a completely different sound at the beginning when spoken ,than when written in English. The sound is a cross between two English letter sounds and was quite difficult at first to get our tongues around, but we did. When she started school the staff didn't seem to get it and she became known as the nearest sounding English name. Not her name at all!
On a personal note we gave our children names that can't be shortened, or so I thought!

TooGood2BeFalse · 23/03/2016 08:33

YANBU, the first nursery we tried to put my son in did this and it drove me absolutely bonkers.

I mentioned it SO politely, almost apologetically, in the first week and then again a month later, where they nodded and said they would call him either by his full name or his 'nickname'. It wasn't even remotely similar, imagine if your son was called e.g. Theodore, and you called him Theodore or Theo, nothing else - and the nursery were calling him Teddy. When I finally approached them again as this name was appearing on his classwork PLUS I had a note home saying that ' Your DS has a complete refusal to answer to his name!!!', the nursery manager said it was easier for them to call him 'Teddy' as they already had a Theo! We left that nursery.

It was particularly irritating as my son was about to undergo treatment for hearing loss and had speech delay, and we were also considering undergoing assessment for Autism - so getting his name right was pretty fucking important for communication!

hawaiibaby · 23/03/2016 08:57

Toogoodtpbefalse that is awful. So glad you left and hope your son's assessments went OK.

As a pp said, nursery staff do not get to decide a child's day to day name. If people don't like the shortened name thing - as seems to be popular opinion on here - then don't use one for your child. It doesn't mean many other parents shouldn't. I'm personally a fan and was a little sad newborn DS2 doesn't really have a shortening like Ds1. But guess it avoids this kind of thing... though have never had a problem with anyone deciding what they are going to name MY child

maydancer · 23/03/2016 09:03

I can't see how it matters at all to you.You are not even there!

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2016 09:04

If you'd named her Mabel and the nursery started calling her Lucy, no-one would think that reasonable.

So I don't see why you should put up with a different 'shortening' or nickname either.

Original poster

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 09:48

maydancer it matters as she's being called one name at nursery and another at home, and the names sound completely different.

TooGood2BeFalse that is really not on that the misery ignored your request, particularly under those circumstances.

sn0wdr0p4 that is one of my pet hates. It's so rude and disrespectful to change someone's to make it easier.

Katinkka and curren I have no problem with the nursery using her full name. At home we use that too, as well as the shortening we chose. It's the nursery using a complete different shortening that's the problem.

OP posts:

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