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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

name shortening at nursery

163 replies

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 00:02

Please tell me if I am being PFB about this.

My dd is 18 months and has been at nursery from 9 months. When she started we told the nursery what shortening of her name we use (there are a few options). After a while I noticed that some nursery staff were using a different shortening so I asked the key worker if they could use the specific shortening we use. But I have noticed that some staff continue to use that other shortening, including the room supervisor. It sounds quite different to the shortening we use. It's a bit like her being called Catherine, at home being called Cathy and at nursery being called Katy. So what they are calling her there really sounds a lot different to what we call her at home.

I don't want to come across as a crazy PFB parent but I want to say something again to the staff. My DP thinks there is no need to say anything.

AIBU?

OP posts:

toomuchtooold · 23/03/2016 12:22

YANBU. My DD didn't fully understand that her name we use was a shortening of her full name till she was over three. Till then the full name meant very little to her. Same goes for other shortenings of course.

And of course it matters - having someone use your name and recognising that it's yours and responding is a really important part of human interaction and early language development.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 12:22

I was talking about your peg example. Sorry that you're confused.

MummaB123 · 23/03/2016 12:24

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. When our DD was born, a few people we told her name to, asked us what we would call her. Well, her name of course! It's not a name that is easily shortened, and it is a pretty name that we chose.
Obviously when they start school, other children give them different names, but nursery workers should not be doing this, and possibly confusing her at her age. I would definitely say I had noticed it and could they please not do it anymore.

lalalalyra · 23/03/2016 12:35

I would tell the nursery that you want her to be called by X as that is what she is known as at home. I'd be polite, but I wouldn't ask them.

There's a huge difference imo between children deciding on their own nickname, or accepting one from friends and a nursery setting deciding to change the name a child is known as. Especially when it's not like they've just started to shorten a name - they've decided to discard the shortening that is already in use and it's not their place to do so.

Roomba · 23/03/2016 12:49

I certainly didn't have to show any documentation when I enrolled my two DC at nursery, Thurlow. Is that unusual? I can't see why they would need to see a birth cert or anything. School never asked for any documentation either, although I recall they did ask for an NHS number on the application forms, IIRC.

Thurlow · 23/03/2016 13:02

I have no idea, Roomba! I've only registered DC at one nursery, but I do remember having to photocopy the birth certificate because I lost the damn thing afterwards

redskytonight · 23/03/2016 13:09

When DD was this age she was consistently called by a "pet name" at home. At nursery they called her by her proper name. She has somehow grown up knowing that both are her name ...

Original poster

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 13:11

MitzyLeFrouf when she started at nursery, she was introduced as her full name. We also told them the shortening we used at home. So they had 2 choices and we didn't mind which they use. All letters etc have her full name on them.

I wouldn't mind so much if the shortening they are using sounded similar but it sounds like a totally different name. I don't often do the pick ups and drop offs because of my working hours, DP does most of them. I only realised last week when I did a drop off for the first time in ages that they were still using the wrong shortening despite me asking them not to, including the manager of the nursery. I used the correct shortening loudly when there to see if it made any difference but I did another drop off this week and they were still using the incorrect shortening. I will be firmer this time.

Both DP and I are really happy with the nursery. DD loves it there and she is well cared for. It really is just this one little niggle that is the problem.

OP posts:

Original poster

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 13:12

redskytonight It's not about pet names. She has a full name. This is used at nursery and at home. We also use a shortening of the name at home. The nursery use a different shortening which sounds totally different. It's like being called Catherine at home and nursery, then also Cathy at home and Kate at nursery.

OP posts:

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 23/03/2016 13:16

I'd be pissed off if I'd specifically told them to only use her full name or x shortening. However I think you're being a bit unreasonable to be so adamant on a particular shortening.

DS has a traditional English name that has lots and lots of shortenings and nicknames that are nothing like the full name but are associated with the full name. He frequently gets called at least 6 different names, he always has. It has never caused him any confusion.

tomatoIzzy · 23/03/2016 13:19

My daughter is Isabel. She is only ever Belle or Isabel she has never been an Izzy. When she started nursery they asked what her name was shortened to and I told them Belle or just use her full name. If anyone would have called her Izzy it is unlikely that she would have responded. I would have said something. If my son was Thomas and we called him Tom but the nursery said Tommy I wouldn't mind. The difference is that the name Izzy and Belle sound totally different and Tom and Tommy don't so it wouldn't be worth mentioning anything.

Yes despite my username (was trying to avoid outing myself )

Obliviated · 23/03/2016 13:20

Our Pre School calls Ds Bobby. It's not his name, it's not short for his name, his name doesn't even start a B or rhyme with it.

Ds answers to anything though.

YerAWizardHarry · 23/03/2016 13:22

My son doesn't even realise his "proper name" is his name, he won't answer to it at all and can't pronounce it. I think you're being entirely reasonable to want them to call your daughter her shortened day

tomatoIzzy · 23/03/2016 13:22

Odd that people were not asked. At my children's previous school they had a booklet with all sorts of information. One section asked for all names and nicknames/shortened names/ what the child likes to be called. My children's teachers used their nicknames or shortenings that we wrote in the booklet. To me that showed that the teachers had read the booklets and were invested in knowing the children in their classes.

cakeycakeface · 23/03/2016 13:24

DH was given a fairly traditional long name that has a shortened version he particularly dislikes. Was always called the long name at home (still is), but school used the short version.

That's ALL anyone outside his family calls him now because it's all his friends have ever known. He hates it but has given up.

Our DCs have one syllable names!

Nip it in the bud now OP.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 23/03/2016 13:26

I'm on the fence with this.

It doesn't seem to be confusing your DD. You just seem to be annoyed because they're not doing as they're told. yy it's fine to raise it again as an issue because you feel they're ignoring your wishes but it's also reasonable for them to think that if you introduce them to your DC's full name but also mention a nickname then they will think you are ok with your DC having nicknames.

I have a name that can be shortened and at a rough count, different family and friends use 5 different versions of it. I actually don't know anyone whose name can be shortened who is only ever called by one variation of it. Having a nickname leaves you open to people using nicknames not just your preferred one.

There may also be a reason they have shortened it the way they have eg there are other DCs with the same name; it relates to a book they read or add any of the many reasons this could have come about.

I don't think it's about them being disrespectful . It is about trust but that trust has to work both ways with a nursery and a parent. You need to trust them to care for your DD and take your wishes into account and they need to believe that you trust them to put your DD's welfare first. Imo this isn't a welfare issue.

MadameDePompom · 23/03/2016 13:26

'Our DCs have one syllable names!'

One syllable names just get lengthened in my experience!

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 23/03/2016 13:30

I have an Isabella. We call her Bella or her full name. Occasionally she is called Izzy by others outside of our immediate family but I can't be bothered to get upset about it to be honest.. I am sure that once she is at school she will have all different nicknames.

JJbum · 23/03/2016 13:47

My daughter has a name with a lot of options for shortening it.
I would be furious if a nursery and chosen to use a different option. We actually used her full name at first and only started using a shortening when she was about 18 months old. The reason was people kept shortening it but to different things and it was confusing. So we picked 1 option for everyone to use, until she is old enough for her or her friends to chose differently. From that day she has been very clear about her preference for the shortened version chosen. When the nursery staff still used the full version she'd tell them "no".

She refuses to answer to anything but the short version picked. Even that gets shortened again sometimes, imagine people shortening Katherine to Katy and then again to Kate, well she won't answer to Kate. We've never had to correct people who get it wrong as my daughter does it herself and always has (early talker) but if that weren't the case, I would have done.

Fortunately, her nursery were great and now so are her school. But it goes to show how important sticking with the chosen shortened version is. Not only does it prevent a child from getting confused but it can also be important to the child. It's not all about parental preferences.

BoneyBackJefferson · 23/03/2016 13:48

I have entered in to this threads before but as long as your not one of those that tries to dictate what everyone calls your children in later life then you should be ok.

I know quiet a few teenagers that have chosen a variation on their names only for their parents to try and veto it.

I work with two 20 somethings whose parents complain when they see them because both the 20 year olds and their friends call them by something other than their given names.

and I've several relationships where parents have had a go at me for calling their PFB adult children something other than their given names.

MadameDePompom · 23/03/2016 13:48

It wouldn't bother me a jot.

Enkopkaffetak · 23/03/2016 14:37

I dont get this " when they are in school everyone will shorten their names" None of my 4 children have had their names shortened "because they don't wish it that way" they LIKE their full names used NOT a shortening.

Hence they did not react to shortenings and put a firm stop to any attempts to shorten. (2 of them have names that fairly easily shorten )

Why is the wishes of the person less important than the wishes of a relative stranger?

In this case the person is to young to make an objection hence her parents currently hold that veto. Op has said if later on she is ok with it then she would accept this.

MadameDePompom · 23/03/2016 14:40

Good for your kids.

MadameDePompom · 23/03/2016 14:41

Lots of people's names ARE shortened though and they're A-OKAY with that.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 23/03/2016 14:45

Just answering OP..it has probably been said before. She will grow up knowing her full name. I would chill...a lot.

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