name shortening at nursery

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Please tell me if I am being PFB about this.

My dd is 18 months and has been at nursery from 9 months. When she started we told the nursery what shortening of her name we use (there are a few options). After a while I noticed that some nursery staff were using a different shortening so I asked the key worker if they could use the specific shortening we use. But I have noticed that some staff continue to use that other shortening, including the room supervisor. It sounds quite different to the shortening we use. It's a bit like her being called Catherine, at home being called Cathy and at nursery being called Katy. So what they are calling her there really sounds a lot different to what we call her at home.

I don't want to come across as a crazy PFB parent but I want to say something again to the staff. My DP thinks there is no need to say anything.

AIBU?

Am aware my child can't speak though so the minutiae of life probably passes me by

This happened at drama club with my daughter. Her name is Rose, simple to say, easy to write, hardly difficult. However one of the teachers insisted on calling her Rosie, on forms, letters home, to her face & to us. I did correct her a few times to no avail. Then she got a certificate home with Rosie on - her first one so something I would want to keep so It was at this point I addressed in email and said look, her name is Rose, not Rosie, please stop calling her Rose, she doesn't like it and neither do I. The teacher was completely unaware about how annoying it actually was and it hasn't happened since. Regardless of what anyone thinks of your child's name - I couldn't care less if the teacher preferred Rosie to Rose - it was my choice to name her. End of. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

As a trained early years officer I was always told to use the name the parent gives you so if it's full double barrelled mouthful of a name that's what you use, if it's a convoluted shortening of a name to something twee still doesn't matter, that's the name you use. If there is another child with same name by all means use surname initial to identify artwork etc but still use first name when talking to the child, not both names. So no yanbu. In a similar vein my dd2's teacher approached me to say she was getting cross when classmates got her name wrong - I said that's fine, she's been with them for 3 years it's about time they got it right. Her name is perfectly straightforward- don't think teacher was happy, I now get her name wrong accidentally on purpose which is very childish but I don't think I abu either

I agree that you should ask the nursery to only use the name you have chosen.
My daughter is now in the situation mentioned by a PP. One of the TAs shortened her name in a way she didn't like. She was too young and shy to correct the TA. All of the other children in the class started using it and 4 years later she still can't get people to use the name she likes.

Speak to management now before she gets confused and starts believing her name is this new one. Parents have the right in nursery and schools to insist upon this; it is not the same as peers and friends.

I would say something. At 18m you do have control over DC names. I would speak to each worker/teacher and then there is no excuse if it continues.

Our DD has a very common Italian name but unheard of until recently here (a singer now famous so not so 'exotic' now). Some teachers used to correct her/me on how to say it!!! She used to come home a swing if she was someone else now and that is when I put my foot down.

The least people can do is use someone's correct/preferred name. It's not asking much!

OP, YANBU and I am baffled that some people think you should not be bothered that the staff from the nursery (a service that you pay for) have taken it upon themselves to use a totally different derivative than the one you use! I am very intrigued over what your DD's name is!

I shorten my DD's (aged 5) name all the time and DH calls her the sound that is created from the first letter of her first, second and surname. She is fine with that, but woe betide anyone who calls her a shortened version other than us! For anyone else its the full version!

Yanbu. My nursery has never shortened their babes even though dd2 name could be easily. It's a weird thing to do

Our nursery shortened DD's name when she was younger. We've never shortened it to that, though it's a common abbreviation. One day when she was about 2.5, I picked her up and the manager said that she had some concerns, as DD was refusing to answer even when addressed by name. DD piped up "you do not call me my name, you do call me someone else's name!" The manager was lovely, so she just laughed and said "well, that's me told, and DD is quite right. We shall make sure we use your correct name now!"

We do use DS's shortened name. He's now at the same nursery. They checked with me which name would be best to use now that he is learning to write his own name; he recognises and responds to both forms, whether verbal or written. We said short, as it's easier (and still unfairly long next to Sam, Tom, Joe, Eva, Lulu et al!), but this is another reason why the nursery really should be calling a child by the correct name. What's the point in nursery eventually teaching a child to write Betty if she's going to go to school calling herself Lizzy? She will not be able to write her own name...

YABU, I'm afraid. If you name your child Elizabeth (for example), you are always going to get some people calling her Lizzie and others calling her Betty. It's something that has to be taken into account when choosing a baby's name. If you manage to chill out about this instance, it will be easier to deal with next time it happens (and there will be a next time).

I used to be known by an abbreviated version of my name. As soon as I got old enough to have an opinion, I put a stop to it (feel a bit sorry for my mum, though, who chose my name because she loved the shortened version!).

Yanbu.

If this is the only thing you have to worry about in life then what a lovely life you have! seriously?

YANBU I'm afraid but unfortunately, you are fighting a lost battle as I've learnt with dc1.

Now in secondary, teachers are calling him by his shorten mane, a name we have NEVER used at home or with teachers. It's nopt on any documents either.
But aparently that's OK, probably because he has never said he is unhappy about it. And he didn't say he was unhappy because he didn't want to make a fuss...
As it has been going on since nursery, all coming from an after school he was going to, it seems that it has stucked.... :(

My SiLs youngest has a pretentious twat name. I insist on using a very common shortened version. It don't half annoy her.....

Nursery practitioners here. It's very unprofessional to call a child by any other name than what the parent tells you.

We usually ask when the child starts if their name is shortened to anything, and are they happy for us to use that name.

This is why we didn't choose my favourite boy's name: Josiah. I knew it would probably be shortened to Joe, which I hate, much preferring the shortening Josh.
Fortunately, we had 2 girls, so it didn't matter in the end.

Like a PP, my daughter has a name which ends with A, but most people used to use the ending with an E which I dislike. She's now old enough to chose her own shortening, which she has, and people now complain it's a boy's name, haha.
(Eg Christina now shortens her name to Chris.)

One of ds's TAs calls him by the proper name version of his name - even though that isn't his name - it drives me crazy. Ds is largely non verbal, but can say his name, which she always says back to him as the long version as though he has got it wrong.

I work in a preschool and wouldn't mind at all if a parent asked me to stop calling a child by a certain name.

I take it all those telling you to get a life are the people who randomly shorten other people's names?

It is incredibly rude to rename somebody. It makes no difference what the "normal" shortenings are. If somebody is called Henry you don't take it on yourself to call him Harry, as that's the traditional shortening; you call him the name his parents/he introduces himself by.

My parents gave me a name that couldn't be shortened. Unfortunately it is also the popular shortening of a longer name. I spent my entire childhood saying I'm not Annabel, I'm Ann. It gets very boring, very fast.

I would frame it as staff not remembering his name. Something like "there still seems to be some confusion about what DD's name is. It's xxxx. She's only 18 months old and doesn't realise xxxx is another contraction of her full name. To her, it's just like if I suddenly started calling you Fred. It's confusing and it's starting to make me question if we've got the right setting for her".

I don't think anyone has said 'get a life'.

I don't shorten people's names although I don't really mind if someone shortens mine. And I certainly don't assume they're being 'incredibly rude' if they do, often people do it affectionately.

I am an adult though so no chance of me getting confused!

You need to address your concerns with nursery-it's not their place to call your dd something different to what you've asked them to call her especially at this age. Like you said if it's a nickname 'Daisy do' instead of 'Daisy' it's different as her name is still there but 'Daisy' to 'Dotty' isn't, totally different.

YANBU.

Most nurseries, preschools and primary schools even have a box on the registration forms asking what name a child goes by. Because it IS that important.

You have chosen a name for your child. Your child is too young to speak up for herself right now. And they are not using the name she is called and that you have reminded them she is called.

Go in and complain to the nursery supervisor and be firm about it.. This can indeed cause confusion, and they should be well aware of this. It is incompetence at best, malicious at worst. I repeat, YANBU.

Lots of people's names ARE shortened though and they're A-OKAY with that.

If they are that's fine. However some people are NOT ok with it and you know that's A-OKAY too.

Whatever the "moral" rights and wrongs of it, having different nicknames and short forms used by different people won't confuse an 18 month old with normal/typically developing speech and language skills - that argument is a red herring so using it will weaken your point.

My kids are bilingual and growing up outside the UK but by 18 months hadall cottoned on entirely on their own to pronouncing their nnames differently when speaking each language (we thought we'd picked international names, but it turns out there are subtle - or not so subtle - differences in pronunciation for every name, ever). I also discovered I cannot help lengthening, shortening and rhyming their names endlessly, but all of them knew all the forms of their names and responded appropriately as older babies and toddlers and have failed to develop any identity crises as they get older...

in my school there is a prefered name box so on the form you have there legal name (william for example) and prefered name so in that box you could put will/bill/billy/liam etc and they use the prefered name im assuming yours doesnt do that then? perhaps you can suggest it

try a name badge as a subtle hint?