name shortening at nursery

[AntiHop]

Please tell me if I am being PFB about this.

My dd is 18 months and has been at nursery from 9 months. When she started we told the nursery what shortening of her name we use (there are a few options). After a while I noticed that some nursery staff were using a different shortening so I asked the key worker if they could use the specific shortening we use. But I have noticed that some staff continue to use that other shortening, including the room supervisor. It sounds quite different to the shortening we use. It's a bit like her being called Catherine, at home being called Cathy and at nursery being called Katy. So what they are calling her there really sounds a lot different to what we call her at home.

I don't want to come across as a crazy PFB parent but I want to say something again to the staff. My DP thinks there is no need to say anything.

AIBU?

Oops I'm tired no it sounds exactly like Tia so you should think exactly like that think 2 syllables then but you can't really shorten it

this is why I called my DD Eve!

That's my name I have always been called Eve only got Evie off close family, friends and only recently got Eva at work but nipped it in the bud as that's not my name

I was in a similar position, and I don't think YABU. Despite my mentioning it a few times, and it being ignored, I gave up (and quietly seethed with rage everytime I heard the nicknames being used).

But now DD is 26 months and can talk, so she corrects everyone who attempts to use a nickname or short version of her name. She tells them (including granny!) "That's not my name. My name is X", and it was completely unpromted by me.
(smugly proud)

It is simple. Don't shorten their name.

What is the point of giving someone a name to shorten it? We were asked what we shorten our daughters to. We don't. Her name is XXXXXXXXXX and we call her XXXXXXXXXX. If we get asked again I will say that we don't. Only to Miss Surname. They then get the look from both myself and my husband. I think that the message has got out there.

I think that it is rude to shorten people's names. We thought long and hard about our daughters 4 christian names. Who do they think that they are to shorten it?

angela is that an ironic post? I can't tell...

Of course there are reasons to have a formal "grown up" name and affectionate or informal short forms, and shortening a name is usually done out of affection - one of the several things I have always disliked about my own name is that there is no natural shortening or lengthening or informal/ familiar/ affectionate form, it just stolidly refuses to be anything but its lumpy awkward unisex self... I often wish I'd had the initiative to change it when I was younger, too old for it to make sense now! I think part of the reason I never did was that a name should be given out of love, so naming yourself seems weird... for the same reason a short form given out of affection is a lovely thing, nicer in many ways than one you choose yourself and insist on being called.

How did the talk go this morning op?

My daughter is actually called Catherine We -strictly DD2 (occasionaly her fatherand I -call her Kate sometimes,but no one else is allowed to and noone else has ever abreviated her name.I think you can and should insist .When she's older it's up to her of course
DH and I and our children(and our now dead parents) at the only people who call my brother by his first name. From secondary school on he answered to his second name .I much prefer his first name and find it weird

DS has a long version of his name that's never been used - even in school registers etc he is called by the abbreviation (which is a name in its own right, too). Think Luke/Lucas, for example, or Jonny/Jonathan. We did that deliberately because choosing a child's name is done without their input - so we wanted him to have two options, in case he didn't like his name. I didn't like mine as a kid, and I knew several others who didn't and started to use middle names in secondary school. It just seems more respectful.

As to the nursery... at my child's preschool there were two boys with his name, so they just added his surname on as it was shorter (one-syllable). All the kids quite naturally called him by his full name, to the point several parents thought it was a hyphenated one (it's also a first name, his surname) and that we'd gone all Deep South about it.

It never occurred to me to mind, tbh. It's his name, not mine, and as long as he wasn't bothered, nor was I. Now he's at school, everyone calls him by his given first name again and that preschooler moniker is a distant memory.

When they get to school you will have far less control. One of our DC first name is Bob (for example only) and we call our DC by second name (it's a long story why) the second name being John (example only) and yet our DC is always referred to at school as Bob (all over their books, tray etc). I've stopped trying to change it as they seem to use "first name" only on the system, even if you have you provide a "known as" name. Even my child has tried to explain in class but they still use "Bob".
Best of luck.

I suppose the difference as they get older is that they have a choice themselves. They can either introduce themselves as Bob, or tell people they don't like being called Bob and prefer Robbie. When they are so little, they can't do that.

Yip Thurlow true, but they are not known by us as "Bob" only "John" at home/by family (their second but chosen name). So Bob, Bobby or Rob is irrelevant. Nevertheless we just realize we can tell the school it's "John" al we like and they will just stick to the first name "Bob" because it's on the system at school like that. Not to worry our "John" hopefully won't get too big a complex about it 😉

another at secondary preferences can get lost because each child has so many teachers, and once they are in ability or options sets will be in contact with so many children - and its very hard for teachers to keep track of all the different "preferred" names (usually abbreviations not entirely different names of course) if they are not the name that appears on the register as each teacher is likely to teach around 120 children at any given time - and of course they will not be the same 120 each year, or even each term where there are subject rotations.

If your son is politely informing each new teacher who calls out the unused name while taking the register and consistently writing his preferred name on his exercise books and work he hands in though, that would get the message across! It always did back when I was teaching - I will never forget the girl called Aerial who insisted we all pronounce her name Are-ee-yell ...

Totally agree with chilly it's plain unprofessional.

If you register your child as Tinsel-Twinklypoo I may cringe inwardly every time I read the register but I don't get to decide I'd prefer him to be known as George while in my care. Any more than it's ok to decide that a name from another language is too difficult to say and replace it with an English nickname. Anyone who can't be buggered to learn and use a child's name and show them that basic respect (and have that respect in their working relationship with a family) wouldn't be someone I'd want as an employee in a school or a nursery.

Tinsel-Twinklypoo that's made me chuckle.

I've got a name that has a common shortening and an uncommon shortening. Never liked the common one, neither did my mum so we've never used it, mum corrected when I was a child and I correct as an adult. Every now and then I'll get called it but correct the person. Now I'm older and have a career, I've reverted back to the full version of my name professionally. It's great to have options, but they should be your choice.

Surely at 18 months she's learning to respond to her name and if she spends most of the day at nursery the last thing you want is her to stop responding to you at home!

Have a word, as pp have said, you name your child, not them!

I can't stand it when people presume that they can shorten my name. I never introduce myself and anything other than Angela. I do not regard it as a form of affection. I regard it as an insult.

People presume that they can do it and then have the cheek to be up set when I pull them up on it. It is a lowering of standards if you let it slip. When and where will the lowering of standards and manners stop if they can't get the name right they can't get anything else right.

YANBU

My DD has a shortened name as her name on her birth certificate I.e her name is "Abbie" not "Abigail" she attends school nursery. They have changed teachers 3 times since she has started. A few weeks ago her teacher pulled me to one side and asked me if I had "Abigail's" hearing tested as she thought she may have a problem or that she may in fact be refusing to listen to her.

I explained that she was highly unlikely to answer or respond to Abigail as that's not her name... she may as well have been shouting bob at her

Totally PFB. So what?

YADNBU - our son has a name that can be shortened / abbreviated 4 different ways. 2 we like, 2 we hate.

We use his full name the majority of the time, but do use (and our family do) a shortened version sometimes.

When he starts school, we are fully accepting of the fact he will probably get called the names we hate - but he can correct them if he wishes.

Until then though, if people try to call him one of the names we hate, they will get corrected by us.

It's a tricky one

When we close our Dds' names we started with a shortened names and then choose a long name. We always call them by the shortened names.

When my daughter was articulate enough (about 3 years old) she made it clear to the nursery what shel likes to be called. All the other shortening a they came up with didn't confuse her, she knew her name was the one we choose for her. She is now 7years old and has recently started to says he prefers her long name which I said was fine but I'm still calling her the short name. But as she gets older she will take charge of what she accepts as her name and I gave her a long name so she can do that.

The other day I said eat up your breakfast [long name] to my 2year old she shouts back her names wasn't her long name it was her short name, so got told! Nursery away le call her by hero get name even though I made it clear that we use the short name, they also spell both names wrong frequently on her work. But I let it go as I know my girls will make it clear if they disapprove!

I tend to love the kids I look after and call them really sweet names that aren't their real ones, so what? kill me!

mitzy the child will have been registered under their official name. Therefore, it's likely that OP would have needed to say what their preferred name was.

Meh. Both DS1 and DS2 answer to a slew of nicknames both at home and at nursery, and have done since they were teeny. They have never shown any upset at this and have always seemed to know their 'proper' names. IMO you're being a bit PFB, sorry.

DT1 is Charlotte. Surname is Brown so we've always steered away from Charlie. She is generally Charlotte or Lottie at home. Nursery have asked and we've put Lottie as a NN on all the paperwork. However, DT2 has started calling her Dot. This has been universally adopted at nursery without consultation, and its origin is quite sweet. Charlotte will answer to 'Dot' but i can't imagine her answering to Charlie if nursery just decided to use it one day...

I have one question to ask all those who refuse to have your child's name abbreviated.
What are going to do in 10 years time, if/when. Little Thomas says. I want to be known as Tom. Not a pop. I'm just curious.

YANBU, of course they shouldn't use a different name just becuase they feel like it. They use her proper name or your abbreviation, it makes a massive difference to the child.