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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

name shortening at nursery

163 replies

AntiHop · 23/03/2016 00:02

Please tell me if I am being PFB about this.

My dd is 18 months and has been at nursery from 9 months. When she started we told the nursery what shortening of her name we use (there are a few options). After a while I noticed that some nursery staff were using a different shortening so I asked the key worker if they could use the specific shortening we use. But I have noticed that some staff continue to use that other shortening, including the room supervisor. It sounds quite different to the shortening we use. It's a bit like her being called Catherine, at home being called Cathy and at nursery being called Katy. So what they are calling her there really sounds a lot different to what we call her at home.

I don't want to come across as a crazy PFB parent but I want to say something again to the staff. My DP thinks there is no need to say anything.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
AntiHop · 23/03/2016 09:50

I'm glad to hear that lots of pp think I'm not being unreasonable or pfb. I've decided I am going to say something tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
TooGood2BeFalse · 23/03/2016 10:32

hawaiibaby thank you, yes it really upset me, especially as it was a major step for him to even go to nursery in the first place. Luckily, his new nursery called him by his name and 'family' nickname immediately and are absolutely incredible with him. They have taught him more in 6 months than I ever did in 4 years Blush.

Good on you OP, if you don't like it, speak up. It will only drive you crazy otherwise!

LordoftheTits · 23/03/2016 10:49

My mum wouldn't let people shorten my name a certain way when I was little simply because she didn't like it (think along the lines of Lizzie, when she preferred Elizabeth or Liz). She asked people not to call me "Lizzie" and corrected them when they did.

I now hate the "Lizzie" variation of the name too and correct people.

It's rude to continue doing something after someone has specifically asked you not to.

Thurlow · 23/03/2016 10:55

YANBU. I would say something. She's very young and, as other posters say, is still learning her name. This is different from when she is older, maybe at school, and decides herself that she wants to be Katy.

DD has a similar name with several possible shortenings. I don't mind a shortening of the short version we use (say Elizabeth to Lizzie to Liz) but I would say something if they suddenly started calling her Betty.

Floggingmolly · 23/03/2016 10:58

Why do people persist in thinking they can choose their child's nickname?? You say you "gave" the nursery the shortened version you prefer; thereby telling them you were open to her full formal name not being used. So they don't use it.

caravanista · 23/03/2016 11:05

YADNBU! You have chosen her name - they should use it!

2ManySweets · 23/03/2016 11:06

YANBU: what the nursery is using is not her name!

My real name can be shortened into NINE different names. Whilst I use the unshortened version as standard all my life idiots have "shortened it for me". It pissed me off when I was little and as a grown up I think it's disrespectful to not call a person by the name they give themselves.

Your nursery people are idiots. Use a PPs uncompromising letter as a template for getting the message across pronto.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 11:08

YABU

I don't see why this would be a big deal.

BathshebaDarkstone · 23/03/2016 11:08

I think it's pfb, she'll have her name shortened all kinds of ways by her friends when she starts school, then she can tell people what she'd rather be called.

MirandaWest · 23/03/2016 11:12

DS has a name which has a common shortened form. None of us particularly like the common shortened form. However at least 50% of his secondary school teachers use it.

He has a different shortened form his friends use. And if he liked the "usual" short version that wouldn't be a problem but he doesn't like it.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 11:14

No you're being unreasonable. Let me just assume her BC name is Elizabeth. You call her Beth. The nursery calls her Lizzie. To a child Lizzie and Beth are 2 completely different names

I'm afraid that's just the risk you run when you give your kid an official name with many nickname options.

Thurlow · 23/03/2016 11:17

There's a difference between a nickname and a shortened version of a name.

Perfectly standard to name your child Catherine on their birth certificate but know that you are going to call them Cathy most of the time. It's the last thing from an unusual thing to do. Because that's a shortened name.

Calling your child Catherine in their birth certificate and then calling them BamBam at home is a nickname, and that would be a bit more unusual to insist everyone calls them that name.

With all the hundreds of common short versions of names - Joe, Ben, Mike, Kate, Lizzie, Dan, Matt, Beth, Alex, Ellie, Max, Jackie, Chris, Bea, Becky etc etc - I'm surprised how many people think it's a weird thing to do, to chose a long name and prefer one shortened version.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 11:18

There's a difference between a nickname and a shortened version of a name.

I disagree.

Alexa444 · 23/03/2016 11:27

2manysweets I'm sorry if it's rude but I have to ask. What is your name? I genuinely cannot think of a name that can be shortened that many ways and now I'm curious.

Op just be really blunt. I've asked you to stop calling her this. Her name is x or y, not z. You are confusing her. We are her parents, we name her. End of.

I hate when people do this. Having 2 kids with the same name in the class is not your problem, neither is not liking a childs name.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 23/03/2016 11:46

Mitzy "I'm afraid that's just the risk you run when you give your kid an official name with many nickname options."

What so you have to abandon names for your children, which could be family names, because some twat might decide they want to call them a shortened version of it?

Shortening a name in the first place is particularly rude. My name could be shortened about 4 different ways, but I would feel like punching you if I told you my name was Elizabeth but call me Libby and you said, oh how quaint, I shall call you Betty.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 23/03/2016 11:47

OP, correct the nursery staff directly rather than going to the key worker again as clearly that route hasn't worked.

2ManySweets · 23/03/2016 11:49

Hey Alexa, it's Elizabeth:

  1. Liz
  2. Lizzie
  3. Bet
  4. Betty
  5. Beth
  6. Eliza
  7. Liza
  8. Libby
  9. Izzy

I hope nobody I know is reading this thread, I'm a right bombastic bitch on MN haha.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 11:50

What so you have to abandon names for your children, which could be family names, because some twat might decide they want to call them a shortened version of it?

No. But why not just introduce your child as Lizzie? Seems the obvious thing to me.

'Her name is Lizzie'

instead of

'Her name is Elizabeth but we call her Lizzie'.

Just introduce your child with the name you want them to be called!

tallamou · 23/03/2016 11:54

I think a child's name, in fact anyone's name, becomes a part of their identity and that its very important for the staff at the nursery to get it right. Affectionate nicknames are in a different category, they represent something of the relationship between 2 people. Getting a name repeatedly wrong, also says something about the nature of the relationship.

Thurlow · 23/03/2016 12:08

But in a nursery setting, they have the formal paperwork, don't they? So all the official forms will say Elizabeth Jane Smith, but you'll walk her into the room and say "this is Lizzie." The nursery staff will know both names, hence they've got the opportunity to change it. Or it could be like our nursery, where they put the full names on the tags above the pegs, for example, as it both encourages the child to learn their full name and also helps differentiate between the two Alex's (Alexandra and Alexander).

skyeskyeskye · 23/03/2016 12:08

YANBU or PFB. her name is her name. my DD has a name that can be shortened but nobody ever has yet thankfully. I understand that as she grows up it willl get shortened by her or her mates and that is up to her, but for now, she is who she is. I would hate it if suddenly they started calling her Anna or Belle instead of Annabelle (not her real name, but you get the idea). Also, how different are those 2 names ? if that was your child's name and you called her Anna and nursery called her Belle, it would get very confusing for her.

So you are right to have a word with the nursery and ask that all staff call her by her correct name.

MitzyLeFrouf · 23/03/2016 12:11

Well then that's the problem. If she's officially known as Elizabeth in the nursery it's unsurprising that some members of staff shorten it to a nickname that's different to the OP's preferred one. Not all of them will remember the children's official name/preferred nickname combos.

If it really matters that much have a word with them.

rimsky123 · 23/03/2016 12:17

This happened to me age 20, and it drove me nuts! Have always been referred to as Rebecca or Becca, started a new job where for some inexplicable reason everyone referred to me as 'becky', despite the fact I introduced / referred to myself and signed all emails and paperwork as 'Becca'. Met a bloke who I eventually married who would constantly refer to me as 'Becs', which I also didn't identify with. Now I've left him, and switched jobs, I've finally regained my identity!lol. It is important. Of course you can decide what your child is called! A name is personal! I'd have a word without hesitation.

Thurlow · 23/03/2016 12:21

Eh? But of course they have to be registered at the nursery under their birth certificate name. Because you generally have to show the birth certificate or other similar documents when you register them Confused

MashaMisha · 23/03/2016 12:21

I don't think you are being PFB at all, and I would say something.
Not necessarily because it is confusing, but because they aren't calling her by her name, and you would like them to do so. I don't think you need any more reason than that, tbh! Before she is old enough to correct people herself, you need to do that for her.

Having said that, my DD is bilingual, and her name is pronounced quite differently in her two languages. She is totally fine with it (BUT she is older) and will respond to you in whichever language "goes with" the pronunciation of the name you used, so in some ways it is almost quite helpful. It's funny, it doesn't seem like she has two names, it just seems natural. So having two/multiple names can be fine - just to reassure you that she might not be confused by it.