To expect my au pair to open the door?

[alice298]

I just can't work out if I am being unreasonable or not... The other day I said to my au pair "if you hear the doorbell, please open the door as I'm expecting a parcel." I actually assumed if she heard the bell she would open it anyway as I think anyone living under a shared roof would automatically do so. But I asked specifically as I am 1. Deaf so often miss the bell, and 2. Have a newborn so am often trapped under a boob monster. Anyway, she said that when she is not officially on duty, she will not open the door unless she happens to be walking past or making a cup of tea (etc). She said she won't leave her room to open it.
I couldn't believe we were having this conversation, but didn't want to lose the plot already being deeply hormonal and emotional. So I just said - "okay please let me know when you're having a period during which you can't open it so I can make sure I am near the bell," and she said no, she didn't know when the mood would hit her not to open it so she didn't feel able to pre warn me.
I felt so upset by all this. I left it at there as I just couldn't bear to discuss it further, I didn't even know what to say. And now I find it hard to look at her in the face as I feel it is extraordinarily unkind, as well as selfish. But AIBU? If so I would love rational thinking so I can get over my current feeling of dislike towards her. I really want to be happy with her and get on with life, and finding it very hard to do so.
Thanks in advance!

www.sugarmoonbrownies.co.uk
You're doomed!

argh!! I HAD to click the bloody link didn't I?

ARGH!

Don't give the AP any, that'll learn her!

Gwen, DS actually runs his own little babysitting agency for local yoof, so he's more plugged in than you think. He also does a lot of voluntary work.

I do hope the OP will consider sharing the brownies around on MN as we were SOOOOOO helpful

To the MNetters who were move about DS, he is an ace babysitter and a cool guy (if a little reluctant to pick up his pants from the floor and return dishes to the kitchen after illicit bedroom snacks).

I hope he lets his staff work their proper hours Boffin.

Haha just realised gwen is totally tongue in cheek!

No OP, I believe passionately that time off work should be free time.

Time off work yes
But in an au pair role you are a member of the household all of the time
Hence the need to participate in normal household affairs
Otherwise be a live out au pair it will cost you a lot more in rent but at least more black and white
While "not working" you are still living there, using electricity, eating, using bins, adding to laundry
So no not as black and white as Turning up to work 9 to 5

"Otherwise be a live out au pair "

It's got nothing to do with live-in or live-out. Live-in nannies have their free time respected don't they? At least the ones I knew would not have worked outside their hours. People saying that au pairs are special as they're "part of the family" and then next minute "sack the bitch". Living with a family doesn't mean you should be exploited. Anyway, we're going round in circles here...

Live in means you live as part of the household and participate in the give and take that that involves on both sides
You can't just clock off at 5pm but participate in the benefits of the household without also contributing
If the live in au pair would expect someone to open the door to accept their parcel from home then they should do the same
If they would expect someone to answer the landline even though it was their mother on the line they should do the same

Live in means you live as part of the household and participate in the give and take that that involves on both sides
You can't just clock off at 5pm but participate in the benefits of the household without also contributing
If the live in au pair would expect someone to open the door to accept their parcel from home then they should do the same
If they would expect someone to answer the landline even though it was their mother on the line they should do the same

Living with a family doesn't mean you should be exploited

Exploited?! She was asked to listen out for the bloody door, not deep clean the house from top to bottom with only a toothbrush!

I'm with Gwen.

The au-pair is living as part of the family yes, this does not mean she is on call to do odd jobs 24/7. If your niece/sister/friend was living with you to help with your kids, would you tell her it was her responsibility to answer the door? That she must inform you in advance if there was a period she wouldn't be listening out for it?

Accepting the occasional delivery, no problem. Being expected to answer the doorbell every time it rings, and inform boss if you will be unavailable for half an hour- that's not fair. You're denying her time to relax.

She should not be at your beck and call all the time. Give her a chance to rest undisturbed when she's off-duty.

As others have said, get a wireless flashing/vibrating doorbell. As for baby, why can't you put a scarf over your shoulder and answer door with him attached? That's what I do if it rings while I'm BF.

his does not mean she is on call to do odd jobs 24/7.

She was asked to listen out for the door! On one occasion. During the day so not 24/7

If your niece/sister/friend was living with you to help with your kids, would you tell her it was her responsibility to answer the door?

She wasn't told it was her responsibility at all and yes I would expect someone living with me as part of the family to be helpful. That is all that was asked of her.

Would someone please open the goddam door.!!!!

Clicked the link and now wondering what flavour of brownies to order?????????

I ordered an asortment for my mum for easter !

What the fuck?

If someone was paying me to look after their child and home, asked me to open the door once every hour to let air in, I would do it.

She would open the door to a parcel man if it was her house, so why should she get to act like a twat in your house?!

Find a new one!

i hope she didnt get a brownie

"

If someone was paying me to look after their child and home, asked me to open the door once every hour to let air in, I would do it. "

I really want to leave this thread alone, but I keep seeing the au pair being insulted in the most awful ways. She was not being paid at the time - IT WAS HER FREE TIME and her free time was being curtailed in that she had to say when she would be available to open the door.

She was not being paid at the time - IT WAS HER FREE TIME and her free time was being curtailed in that she had to say when she would be available to open the door.

I don't necessarily disagree with you Gwenhwyfar, but it's her home. If she was back in Austria, and sitting at her kitchen table having a cup of tea and relaxing - would she just ignore the doorbell?

For the record, I do not expect our au pair to answer the door when she's not working, but then again, I'm not deaf.

This thread reminds me of the the time I worked in an office that was housed in a flat. The block of offices had a locked door and as we were on the ground floor nearest the door, I was expected to drop everything to answer door - supposing I was on the phone, toilet, upstairs at photocopier, in meeting, at lunch or otherwise occupied. . I wonder what happened when I was off duty as it was an implied part of my contract as the most menial member of staff.

She is supposed to be a part of the family! I would definitely get rid of her

Just like you do with family? I love all the 'get rid' comments. She's a human presumable, talk about her like one.

agreed squash There is a sincere lack of irony on this thread with comments like:

She is supposed to be a part of the family! I would definitely get rid of her