DD is calling social services on me in the morning

[moodymelting]

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la . She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

*seem

Show her some Kevin and Perry clips from YouTube and tell her to stop being such a stereotype.

Because she doesn't seen to care if things are removed

She probably knows she'll get it back. If you actually took something of hers to a charity shop.......the next time round she wouldn't know for sure whether she was going to get her stuff back.

It might act as a deterrent against going too far until she gets her brain back - (in 5 years)

It worked quite well with my DD - she couldn't bear the 'embarrassment' of having to go into charity shops to buy back her beloved top or cd or whatever (using her own pocket money of course)....what if someone had seen her??

"The problem is there is not much she cares about.
She only has a cheap phone she doesn't use much.
She hardly goes out."

I find this all really sad. This kid doesn't sound happy at all. Surely we need to be fostering better relationships with our kids as they approach maturity. My mother didn't know how to handle me as a teeneger, used to slap me as a way to keep control.

If we nurture the positive then other aspects of our relationship will be enhanced.

Punishment or withdrawal of privileges is not a technique I would ever use.

I had a brat of a teen. She really was a nightmare. So I opted to play her at her own game.

I mimicked her behaviour. Changed wifi password. Put a code on the sky. Same with Netflix.

When she slammed her bedroom door I removed it. A door is a privilege not a right.

If she tips rubbish out of the bin, take it to her room and put it on her bed.

Do not show fear. Do not back down. Put on your poker face. You got this.

For the teen DSs I change the wifi password. I only had to actually do it once and now the threat is enough.

DD was a door slammer. She was only 9 when I marched up to her room armed with my power screwdriver and said I was going to remove her door. It hasn't been slammed since. I decided when she was a toddler that both of us would not survive her teenage years intact.

Are boys different? I have a 14 and a 13 year old and apart from mild arseyness, they've been ok. Eldest is most of the way through puberty and youngest is slap bang in the middle of it. Apart from being smelly, a bit thoughtless and forgetful, with occassional strops they've generally been pretty good. Maybe the real shit is yet to come?

When she threatened me with social services, I would instantly start looking at holidays. Used to pee her off.

Oh great. I need a break. Hmmmmmm wonder where I can go.

I suspect boys are less hormonal.

The teenage years are a confusing time for kids. They need support. I don't punish adults. dogs or teenagers.

I wouldn't dream of punishing my OH because I didn't like what he did. Teenagers are no different.

Don't know about in general, cloppy but my mum always says she'd rather have ten boys than one teenage girl

Usually with a pointed look in my direction...

But yes to it being competitive misery with friends and a competition over who has the worst parents. I'd say pick your battles - if her rooms a shit tip, that's her lookout.

Forgot to add children to that list.

DD was appalling between 12 and 17. She nearly broke our marriage, and would delight in telling one parent she would live with the other when the divorce came through. I took to recording our conversations, as I was afraid she'd make accusations of abuse. She was hateful. DW's anxiety stems from this period; poor woman used to shake with fear when DD entered the room.

All better now.

chromosome, what an awful time. But dreadful for your DD too. It must have been a very confusing time for her, feeling that her parents were on the verge of splitting up and being blamed for it.

Interesting interpretation of Disgrace's post fourage.

I've got no advice OP as my boys are only 7 and 4 and they're bad enough as it is!

I second those posters advocating talking to your DD and asking if there is something wrong/something she would like to talk about.

Otherwise produce a carefully thought out punishment for bad behaviour later today/tomorrow, i.e loss of privileges like lifts to friend's house, film night, pocket money, computer time, mobile phone.

But I would advise against the tit for tat sort of punishment like taking the door off the hinges. My parents used to do this sort of thing, not in a carefully thought out way but rather in a rage and a way of not allowing me to 'get the better of them'. It always escalated the situation and I loathed them for it. There was no attempt to understand my feelings [however ridiculous or toddler like they might have been] and again this made me very unhappy and furious. Hence a vicious cycle of me acting out and retribution from my authoritarian parents [teenager of the 80s].

When she's calmed down aske her why she behaved like she did yesterday.

I agree with Sofia that there will be a reason for this behaviour.

Do any of you remember when their DC first started school? According to the teacher they would be Angels all day then come out to you and be an irratible, whinging nightmare? The reason being they were tired and just needed some downtime and a snack.

Well when they are teenagers it's the same, there will be a reason for this behaviour op and you need to find out why she's so unhappy.

Talk to her this morning, very calmly and her you're worried about her, because her behaviour is out of character. Be kind and gentle because you are the adult. She'll see form this that you care about her and hopefully will open up.

I agree with fourage tbh... sounds like a dreadful time for you and your DW chromosome but truly awful for your daughter to have been considered 'hateful' by her parents.

You were afraid of abuse allegations and your DW used to shake with fear?

How did you all get through this time? I do hope that you sought professional support, i.e couple or family therapy?

And DO NOT take her bedroom door off!

You know that just because something is said or thought on an anonymous forum, it doesn't mean that anything close to that approximation is used in real life?

Not that I disagree with it being a dreadful time.

The fact that she has nothing she cares about/values/doesn't go out seems worrying to me.

Does she actually have any friends/hobbies/interests?

I would completely lose it and become very very scarily angry (deep loud voice, physically put DD in her room) at that kind of behaviour, followed by grounding without any screentime/ lifts/ communication until an apology was forthcomng. After which we could have a proper conversation about what was really going on.
How dare she!
Sorry, but (especially if you are a lone parent) you really have to make it clear that you are the alpha female in the pack.

My dad was a single parent with 3 kids. My sister was a nightmare and one night she was so bad my dad told her that if she continued to behave like an animal she could sleep in the barn with them. Well two snarky comments later my sister was kicked out of the house and marched down to the barn. She tried to come back in the house at 5 am and my dad said only after she had mucked out all the horses and finished helping him milk the cows.

It was very effective. Looking back my dad was running 3 businesses and raising 3 kids. He didn't have time for our hormonal shenanigans. It also set the tone when he disciplined my sister who is the eldest. When it came to my brother and I we knew not to push the boundaries. I still had my strops but they were mild and I would take myself off for a walk or to a corner to read a book, especially if my sister was baiting me for a reaction.