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Original poster

DD is calling social services on me in the morning

458 replies

moodymelting · 18/03/2016 23:19

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la Angry. She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused Blush

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

OP posts:
liz70 · 19/03/2016 00:31

I've told my teenaged DDs 1 and 2 to fuck off and find a better home if this one isn't good enough before now. They're still here. Grin

redshoeblueshoe · 19/03/2016 00:45

Wine teenage years are shit

you need Wine Wine and more Wine I do feel sorry for older mums
teenagers and menopause will be sheer fucking hell

SoThatHappened · 19/03/2016 00:53

I was a child of the 80s/90s. If I had done that at 13, my mother would have battered me half to death, literally, I wouldnt have dared.

One wonders whether more child focused parenting is the cause of this.

I agree though, she will soon change her mind about what a crap mum you are when she gets up tomorrow and she cant use the wifi, has to make her own breakfast, wash her own clothes, make her own dinner etc

maydancer · 19/03/2016 01:03

Yep in the 70s a 13 yo would have had a good hiding for this!

SoThatHappened · 19/03/2016 01:07

I've told my teenaged DDs 1 and 2 to fuck off and find a better home if this one isn't good enough before now.

Watch that. After being sworn at so many times, I turned round at about 17 and started telling my mum to fuck off, fuck herself, etc.

She couldnt complain as she has sworn at and shouted at me so often that she couldnt really tell me off for swearing at her: she set the example.

Mondy · 19/03/2016 02:07

We had a similar period with my stepdaughter a couple of years ago when she was 11 (she went into teenager mode early). After she was particularly horrible to her Mum (can't remember how), I told her I was taking her laptop from her for a day as a punishment. She replied that she still had her DS. So I took that off her as well for being cheeky. Ah, but I've still got my telly, she said. So I took the remote control away. It took about five items being mentioned and confiscated before she realised that she should just be quiet and accept her punishment!

cranberryx · 19/03/2016 02:21

I was a terrible teenager (no first hand advice)

That best thing my mum ever did was video tape me in one of my rages and play it back to me. I honestly didn't realise what a little shit I was being.

You are not her slave. If she leaves mess like that about, put it in her bedroom. It's her responsibility.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 19/03/2016 02:35

Yes you can set a pin on the tv of it is in anyway smart or cable how would I know this sigh

My 8 yr old does similar must try harder to remain calm

tomatoIzzy · 19/03/2016 02:42

I sympathise, I have am inflicted with a 13 year old. It will pass, a few months ago we seemed to be arguing daily. One day I'd had enough, I was labelled as the worst mother in the world, and he was running away. So I agreed that I was a terrible mother and asked him how he thought I should change. He couldn't answer that so I left him alone. He came and apologised when the hormonal rage had passed.
It will happen again but as long as we whether the teenage years with storms and pleasant days and not just storms, I think we'll be doing okay.

Wait until she's calm and try and talk. Or tomorrow is a new day. Sometimes they just need you but don't know how to reach out. Raging and ranting is one way. Humour can sometimes work to weaken a rage.

RhiWrites · 19/03/2016 03:00

Can you install a lock on your bedroom door? I think she should lose the privilege of using your room.

Also, mucking around in doors in general reminds me of a punishment I've read of taking a teenager's bedroom door off its hinges. Not a nice thing to do but you did say you struggled to find appropriate consequences....

tomatoIzzy · 19/03/2016 03:11

My teenagers bedroom door is currently lying on its side in the hall. We didn't take it off........It fell off in protest due to all the slamming it kept receiving.

Karma at its best! Grin

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 19/03/2016 04:01

..... Considering giving my DD aged 4 a big kiss at 4am ... She tells me everyday I'm the best and she loves me more than the universe.

Please tell me she won't change .... WineWineWineWine

SofiaAmes · 19/03/2016 04:21

Of course her behavior is unacceptable, but perhaps you may have better luck getting it to change in another way than punishment (which doesn't seem to be working anyway). It sounds like she is tired, angry and frustrated and you are there for her to vent to. Any idea of what is bugging her? Maybe you can offer some solace for that. I know that sometimes the things that bug teenagers seem a little (or a lot) insignificant, but to them it's their life and is serious.

I am currently parenting 2 teenagers on my own so am very familiar with the list of "egregious" things that can happen in a teenager's day. For example, DD was incensed with her dance teacher today for not including her running make up in her 10 week grade. However, dd hasn't actually showed up to do the make-up, so it's hardly the dance teacher's fault....but dd doesn't see it that way and was not very pleased with me for "taking the dance teacher's side." Anyway, dd isn't really upset with either the dance teacher or me, but probably agitated because a fairly serious fist fight (with flying teeth and lots of blood) took place in front of her this afternoon at school and the security guards didn't deal with it promptly which probably makes her feel very unsafe. Once she has calmed down a bit, I will talk to her about why the security dealt with it and why she isn't unsafe....and she will stop being mad and me and the dance teacher because it was never about that in the first place. But I am safe to get mad at and she can't control much of anything else in her life....
Ok I've rambled, but I think the world is so much more complicated for our teenagers than it was for us because there is so much more information about it available to them and as a consequence they need so much more help understanding it all than we did.

SofiaAmes · 19/03/2016 04:23

And just to second what tomaltozzy said. When my kids get mad at me I remind them that I am the worst mother they ever had and would be happy for them to trade me in for a better one.....they haven't yet found a response for that one.

elephantoverthehill · 19/03/2016 04:36

DD is calling social services on me in the morning. It will be a Saturday, I wonder how long her patience will hold. It might be one of those experiences that gives her an insight about what being an adult is really about.

mathanxiety · 19/03/2016 05:07

You are only going to have WW3 on your hands if you try to make her do all the chores next week.

Take off her bedroom door and put a lock on yours. Don't do any laundry for her for two weeks (or until she runs out of clean laundry).

Try to figure out if this is premenstrual. There are supplements that can take the edge off PMS. I used to lock horns with DD4 to some extent until I noticed a pattern. She now takes a women's multi vitamin and evening primrose oil. It may well just be a placebo effect at this stage, as it's been a few years now since she first started on the regimen.

PunkAssMoFo · 19/03/2016 05:11

I once knew someone who would take their daughters bedroom door off its hinges if she slammed doors/ locked herself away. Other tricks were plugs off electrical devices & cooking their own dinner.

Worked s treat- she's lovely now.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 19/03/2016 06:01

Don't escalate the issue - remember they are looking for reasons to "brag" to their friends at how awful their parents are it's like a competition -

Stay calm - best punishments are when you say nothing and deliver the punishment in cold hard day time -

You don't have to tell her you aren't cooking tea giving lifts etc ... She can find that out later ....

Janecc · 19/03/2016 06:22

Long drawn out punishments are tough because you end up punishing yourself as they are so difficult to enforce. Loving the removing the bedroom door solution. Sometimes less is more. You know your daughter and if not washing her kit and going on strike will get the biggest reaction, that's the one to go for. And don't let her push your buttons. Kids are programmed to do what they need to do to get what they want - discernment comes with age. I do agree though there may be something bugging her so communication lines need to be reestablished. Mine is just coming up 8 so I've got a long way to go.

sashh · 19/03/2016 06:41

moodymelting

Er she sounds like me - I have a stubborn streak a mile wide, I would be sent to my room (younger than your dd) and when I was told I could come out I would say, "No thank you, I'm happy here", I wanted to go back downstairs but there was no way I was letting her know that.

It backfired a bit because then I would be smacked instead because I couldn't throw that back.

Anyway one thing I was taught in the NHS is to treat people who are being shits to you especially nice. So instead of making her do chores you treat her like a little princess.

Would you like a cup of tea dear?
Have you got your pocket money, here have an extra £.
Oh darling you have made such a mess, should I tidy it now or after dinner? It would be wonderful if you helped me but I know you are so busy.

It will drive her nuts and she will also get no bragging rights with her friends.

Rowgtfc72 · 19/03/2016 06:46

DD has just turned nine and has started stropping about. She suggested the other day I just get it over with and send her to a care home as I obviously don't want her( asked her to put her clothes away). Damn you Tracy beaker indeed!
She also doesn't do stuff so removing things doesn't work, doesn't do gaming or the internet and doesn't earn pocket money.
My bargaining point is TV access!
Thinking my problem is hormones as she's developing quite quickly.

Try not to react, catch her in a good mood and have a chat.

Original poster
moodymelting · 19/03/2016 06:52

Thank you oh sane people of Mumsnet for making me laugh rather than throttle her Grin

OP posts:
Elendon · 19/03/2016 06:53

I threatened to dress as a Victorian mum during the next parents evening. This put paid to it. Had done the Internet, had the Childline threat - offered to ring them myself. The Victorian mum threat knocked it on the head.

GreenishMe · 19/03/2016 06:53

Tendon she went into my room and rammed the computer chair behind the door handle so I could not get in my own room then lay on my bed being smug.

....this is when she'd have heard me ever so loudly rummaging through drawers and cupboards in her room, unplugging anything and everything and, I was going to say, picking out items of clothing for the charity shop......but by this point she'd probably already be out of your room and back in hers.

If she does that again you should just barricade yourself in her room too, get a good night's sleep in her bed and be up bright and early to get off to the charity shop with her favourite clothes - really

Original poster
moodymelting · 19/03/2016 06:54

And some great advice too. Because she doesn't seen to care if things are removed it is sometimes frustrating to know the best thing to do.

OP posts: