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Original poster

DD is calling social services on me in the morning

458 replies

moodymelting · 18/03/2016 23:19

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la Angry. She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused Blush

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

OP posts:
ItWillWash · 21/03/2016 19:36

If either of mine were arrested for shoplifting, whether I would 'punish' them or how harsh the punishment would be, would depend very much upon their reaction.

If they were tearful, remorseful, apologetic, I would probably just give them a light roasting, and explain the effects of shoplifting (higher prices for all to make back the losses etc). If they found it funny, they'd be grounded for all of eternity.

I don't believe in punishments for the sake of punishing, rather than to show that their actions have a consequence.

DC2 stole from me last week. She ordered herself a case for her tablet, using my debit card. I'm not sure she understood that it was real money. I explained what she did would be a crime if she was older, took £10 of her xmas money and she had no treats in her lunch for the week. That was the end of the matter.

If it happens again, she'll lose her tablet and internet access.

The punishment should reflect the crime but needn't be arbitrary.

fourage · 21/03/2016 19:39

itwill- sounds like your discipline methods are not terribly successful if your DD steals from you.

ItWillWash · 21/03/2016 19:43

It's the first time she's done anything like this, if it's repeated, then you'll be proven right, if not then I guess she will have learned that stealing from her caregiver i.e the person who buys her food has consequences, such as less money for food treats.

AgentZigzag · 21/03/2016 19:48

I think you'll find they're not throwing stones at your windows Elegantly, they're exploring the beautiful world around them to discover what sound glass makes when it breaks.

You should respect their curiosity and go and discuss their observations with them.

lurked101 · 21/03/2016 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cannotthinkofawittyusername · 21/03/2016 19:57

Fourage you said you are happy to answer questions. I asked a sensible question above and youve ignored it.

MissHooliesCardigan · 21/03/2016 20:31

fourage You ignored my question about whether putting a dog down for attacking someone could be viewed as a consequence of their behaviour. I don't know why you keep popping up on this thread like a bad smell just to tell us mere mortals where we're going wrong. You clearly don't need support as your DCs are perfect so why don't you leave the rest of us alone to have a helpful discussion about how we can parent our not perfect children?

fourage · 21/03/2016 20:35

I am reluctant to respond because I am being personally attacked.

I may choose to parent differently but I won't lower myself to abusive personal insults.

mathanxiety · 22/03/2016 01:34

It's not a flawed argument. Do you punish a dog?

Of course it's a flawed argument. Are children dogs? Are husbands children?

The point of illustrating that there are consequences to choices is not to produce obedient children. It is to teach them in a very safe environment where the consequences are limited and the love is unlimited (because we all have to get up and still be a family tomorrow after all) that while they are free to choose what they want to do or to say, they are not free from the consequences. In other words, consequences that are imposed by a parent are there to help a child understand how life works.

curren · 22/03/2016 06:23

fourage you aren't helping the OP

I won't be engaging with you anymore . I suspect you are talking rubbish just enjoy the fourage show.

Your argument is flawed which is why you don't answer anyone. I won't be responding anymore. This should be about the OP, not you

MissHooliesCardigan · 22/03/2016 07:20

fourage I think it's best if we all just ignore you. You don't want to be wasting time on here when you've got a book to write.

mix56 · 22/03/2016 07:29

I don't see how putting a dog down isn't a punishment.
if you execute a man it's a punishment, not a consequence.
I think forage is wrong (God forbid),

Cannotthinkofawittyusername · 22/03/2016 09:49

I think the problem is though you are coming across as telling people they are all terrible, dysfunctional and awful families and your way is better but won't go into any detail as to what your methods are or what you do or did when your children misbehave so people are rightly or wrong assuming you are here to be goady or trolling.

My dc has never behaved badly at school as far as I am aware, certainly not to the point I have needed to be notified anyway. They are not disruptive in class because they want to learn and find the noise of others annoying and because it is boring when they are not doing anything because the teacher is having to crowd control. They also haven't gone in with ears pierced which they so desperately want not because it would be morally wrong to go in with pierced ears because the rules said so but because she knows she will be sent to the isolation work room if she does. It is a mixture of morals and consequences.

You have three children, have they never fell out, never argued, have they really always got on perfectly? If not and they were horrible to another sibling because they got annoyed with them as siblings do did you just talk to them and they gave excuse that the other annoyed them did you just leave it?

tomatoIzzy · 22/03/2016 10:19

I think fourage doesn't understand that you have to cut the coat to fit the cloth.

There is and will never be a "best" way or one that produces the best children. There are so many factors that come into play. What works brilliantly one week can fail the next. What one teacher does with a child will not work if another tries to immitate it. When people are struggling and seek professional help that help will never give them a formula and say "this is what works", they need to know the child, the parent the family dynamics the history etc etc. Sometimes what they suggest won't work and they will change tactics.

If someones child acts up, it doesn't mean their methods are useless or their parenting has gone wrong. It means the child is learning, growing, exploring etc. Mistakes are one of the best learning tools there are. People who cannot make mistakes, cannot be wrong or cannot admit they are not perfect are IME less capable than those who can.

midsummabreak · 22/03/2016 10:54

Good points from many others
I agree, best to avoid clashing horns
she knows very well she could be doing the right thing and is capable of much better behaviour, but is wanting you to battle with her and be upset
Don't buy into it and appear upset, she will have to face up to the fact that she has poor emotional control when you remain (mostly!) calm :)
Have been through very similar with my 14 year old young man I have learnt to let him be the one with the problem and wait to go over the issue later if he is too moody and too fragile I always remind him we will discuss when he is calm and that calming down is his most important goal,

I try to remind him it's just not worth the major upset He sometimes stays in his room (after slamming a few doors,yelling, being very rude and obnoxious) & he takes a bath and we have Radox just for these times (Does mums wonders too!!!)
Also despite your daughter's display of rude behaviour and very dramatic attempts to aggravate her poor Mum, I have no doubt that she does need lots and lots of small positive rewards & highlights (hugs, thank-yous, little treats , one-to-one time,etc) much much more than you think. this also counteracts her moody defiant times Hope you can calmly speak with her soon and work things out Brew

midsummabreak · 22/03/2016 11:01

So very true tomatoizzy Nothing works all the time And our children keep changing the goal posts just when we get it bloody sorted that's why I have stash of chocolate and a bottle or something in the frige for when nothing else works......

fourage · 22/03/2016 12:02

cannon " telling people they are all terrible, dysfunctional and awful families "

I have said nothing of the sort.

Don't invent stuff to suit your own aims.

tomatoIzzy · 22/03/2016 12:08

Hmm give up Fourage no one has any aim except you. You haven't answered any questions but you come back to attack. Your kids might have good moral compasses but yours is currently spinning out of control! Goadiness is not a good trait.

fourage · 22/03/2016 12:13

I am not attacking I am defending myself. Yesterday I was verbally abused - post was deleted I see, and now someone is telling me things I have said which are untrue.

Who exactly am I attacking here?

curren · 22/03/2016 12:21

moody- the relationship you have with your DD sounds dysfunctional. I don't know why the fostering has anything to do with it.

I wonder who posted the above?

MissHooliesCardigan · 22/03/2016 12:29

fourage You told the OP (who seems to have disappeared since you started posting, I wonder why) that her relationship with her DD was dysfunctional. There has been one post deleted that I can see but you're using that as an excuse not to answer anyone's questions because we're all attacking you.
I haven't issued any personal attacks but you still haven't answered any of my questions ie whether you consider a dog being put down for attacking someone could be regarded as a consequence of their behaviour.
I don't believe you mean half of what you're saying, you're just trying to wind people up because nobody is really that insufferably smug in RL.

fourage · 22/03/2016 12:32

Yes, of course the relationship sounds dysfunctional, from the OPs description.

I haven't called the OP dysfunctional, nor her family.

cannon " telling people they are all terrible, dysfunctional and awful families "

I said none of that.

I have however been told to "shut my fucking mouth".

curren · 22/03/2016 12:35

Anyway.....I hope the Op comes back.

Shame for her to not have any support.

ILeaveTheRoomForTwoMinutes · 22/03/2016 12:37

More punishment is the last thing this girl needs. She sounds very unhappy and the dysfunctional relationship she is having with her mother is not helping

And this was said, after very little information from the OP, other than a snap shot of a day, of a teenager having a teenage tantrum.

Since it looks like nearly everyone at some point has had to deal with teenage tantrums. We all must be dysfunctionalShock

If you're judged all famies by one day in a teenagers life, then we are screwed.

tomatoIzzy · 22/03/2016 12:44

Don't invent stuff to suit your own aims. is rude, you could have just said "I didn't say that", but unfortunatly as Curren has pointed out, you did use the word dysfunctional. Twice actually She sounds very unhappy and the dysfunctional relationship she is having with her mother is not helping. That was a very rude as was sounds like your discipline methods are not terribly successful if your DD steals from you. Both huge assumptions to make!

It's not right that you were being personally attacked but telling people that their relationships are dysfunctional because they don't parent the way you do is very rude. It will naturally make people angry and instead of recognising that and apologising for being judgy you just came back with lots more examples of what excellent children you have and how this is all down to your excellent parenting.

I think it might be time to throw in the towel.