To think there aren't enough decent men to go round?

[elementofsurprise]

I am sick of men - haven't had a realtionship for ages, so it's not caused by any particular one, just a general observation of the crap specimens the patriarchy has produced.

Was hit on yet again last night by a man who seemed perfectly nice and intelligent and polite to start with but got weirdly pressuring and controlling when I tried to politely decline. Is it so impossible for men to actually be pleasant and get to know someone? Must they always think with their dicks? (Wasn't out partying btw!)

And the ones that appear to be pleasant functional human beings turn into childish selfish assholes after a while - is there a way to avoid this? Because being friends for months/years first (so you think you know them) just seems to lead to a situation which is a prolonged 'chase' for them and they don't want you once they have you... My last boyfriend treats his female friends far, far better than he treated me.

I am 30 and worried I will never have a partner, because the cliche appears to be true - "all the good ones are taken"! And there seems to be more nice, normal, considerate etc etc women around than men. Sadly I am coming to the conclusion that this isn't just perception, but due to societal expctations, meaning men are just more likely to be overgrown children/inconsiderate/selfish/poor lifestyle/alcholic/poor hygeine/other massive red flag etc.

Sigh.

Honestly men do not owe anyone a relationship, in fact no one is owed a relationship. I know a couple of men in the 27 - 35 age range who are kind, funny, clean, attractive and fit who are single. One is single because he enjoys life and is too busy rock climbing, skiing, 'insert some other sport here' and doesn't have the time for a girlfriend. Another has only just decided to start dating seriously and as actively started looking. The last one is quite popular with women so sees no reason to settle down yet.

Everyone has their preferences but 'the decent' attributes you are looking for are quite vague and would apply to many men however I doubt you would fancy all of them.

I've got a lovely, gorgeous, funny friend who finds it v hard to find a man and settle down. Never had a long term relationship, marriage or kids. She dates but nothing comes of it.
I've got other friends who've got married, had kids, got divorced and found a new partner / husband within months. Decent guys too.
Maybe it I'd more to do with mindset, or available pool of men met through work etc.

I don't think its too much to ask to be treated with respect and kindness.

I also don't think anyone should just settle. I do come across a lot of people where I think why do you tolerate that shitty behaviour but each to their own.

Being respectful, kind and caring should come as a given but there are many examples of selfish disrespectful unkind people who mistreat their oh.

"shy and nerdy" - isn't just some quirk - a lack of social skills is an inadequacy which will cause the person they're with to have to pick up the slack. This may not bother you, but it's fine to object if it does.

When you meet as a couple, someone has to do the conversational work. This can be ok with quiet but interesting guys though (but not necessarily). When you go out as a couple and mix with others, even just going to a restaurant or looking round the sofa showroom, someone has to deal with the outward communication from you as a couple and it is very annoying (to me) if someone just assumes you'll handle it. It also inhibits making friends as a couple and having a social circle. It can be humiliating in formal situations where a man is expected to show some sense of what should be said and done and you're with a wet lettuce.

Also, ruling out men with children: I think this is reasonable too because a decent man who is a father will be making himself and his home available to his children on a much more intimate basis than I would necessarily be happy with, with people whom I don't know extremely well, or who aren't my own family. Even when they are grown up, you should be willing and able to say "you can always come here" in case of illness, break ups, bankruptcy if you are a parent (well that is what I think anyway) - so I don't know that I could deal with that with not-my children.

It's an adage as old as the hills; 'there is somebody for everybody'. Let's hope so.

shy and nerdy" - isn't just some quirk - a lack of social skills is an inadequacy which will cause the person they're with to have to pick up the slack.

Personally I would say that inability to interact with people different to you is also social 'inadequacy' but hey ho.

When you meet as a couple, someone has to do the conversational work. This can be ok with quiet but interesting guys though (but not necessarily). When you go out as a couple and mix with others, even just going to a restaurant or looking round the sofa showroom, someone has to deal with the outward communication from you as a couple and it is very annoying (to me)

Me too. I have had partners like that, and I find it very tiring and irritating. My ex wouldn't even ask a taxi driver where to go, he'd look at me when the driver said 'which is best turn here' or 'can I drop you this side of road' for example, and if we were approached in a shop as you describe, same even if he had more knowledge than I did about what we wanted. It caused a few arguments,memorably some trades people came to measure something and I was on an important phonecall and he still wouldn't tell them what to do or explain anything, I had to end my call while they both stood there looking at me and my ex looking at me too beckoning me to get off the phone as he wasn't willing to talk to them. Same on nights out, I introduced him to an old friend and we all went for a drink and he sat there silently all night as if just waiting for the night to end. It was very awkward and she kept trying to ask him about himself and got short answers. I would rather be single than be in a situation like that again, but I appreciate perhaps it isn't so important for others.

tobysmum77 "shy and nerdy" - isn't just some quirk - a lack of social skills is an inadequacy which will cause the person they're with to have to pick up the slack. This may not bother you, but it's fine to object if it does.
Personally I would say that inability to interact with people different to you is also social 'inadequacy' but hey ho.

The person dating the "shy and nerdy" one obviously knows how to interact with different people - that's the point! It's the shy one who doesn't, which causes the frustration.

I used to be very, very shy, got anxious in shops etc. but I learnt during my late teens/early 20's, just by... being in the world. PinkPjamas ex sounds like me aged 17 - but how has he got through life without needing to learn basic social skills? I'd happily teach a man who was genuinely shy/socially anxious as I've been there, but they have to want to learn, and also I'm unsure where or how I'd meet them in the first place!

See, some men can't do right for doing bloody wrong. He's farmer FFS!
Exactly

I'm a smug married 29 years and counting My DH is a lovely man but in our 20s you would never have put us together. I spent my early 20s mooning after selfish vain men. People may have this blue print of the 'perfect man' (and woman) which excludes introverts with average looks.
Good luck OP. I hope happiness is just round the corner.

When you meet as a couple, someone has to do the conversational work.
I'm an extrovert and I did the conversational work- at first. Now DH is a completely different person and is quietly confident in all sorts of daunting situations.

derxa People may have this blue print of the 'perfect man' (and woman) which excludes introverts with average looks.
Well, that is not my problem. My problem is going for men who seem great but after a while it becomes apparent that was all an act. And ignoring red flags - so actually I should be more picky. Farmer example would be ok, potentially, but in general man still living with parents is a bad sign - he won't have learnt to run a house. I can do DIY and everything .

On the other hand, I'm mental and unemployed so I get why I'd not be wanted. Annoyingly, I'd make an excellent housewife, am good at home-type stuff, cleaning, cooking, gardening, DIY etc. But scared to be in vulnerable position of housewife/SAHM (would LOVE it otherwise).

My OP was more a general observation than specific to my situation.

It's an adage as old as the hills; 'there is somebody for everybody'. Let's hope so.

If that were true then there wouldn't be billions of single people.

Plus, not everyone wants someone. I much prefer being single I intend to stay this way for the rest of my life. I love my freedom.