To think there aren't enough decent men to go round?

[elementofsurprise]

I am sick of men - haven't had a realtionship for ages, so it's not caused by any particular one, just a general observation of the crap specimens the patriarchy has produced.

Was hit on yet again last night by a man who seemed perfectly nice and intelligent and polite to start with but got weirdly pressuring and controlling when I tried to politely decline. Is it so impossible for men to actually be pleasant and get to know someone? Must they always think with their dicks? (Wasn't out partying btw!)

And the ones that appear to be pleasant functional human beings turn into childish selfish assholes after a while - is there a way to avoid this? Because being friends for months/years first (so you think you know them) just seems to lead to a situation which is a prolonged 'chase' for them and they don't want you once they have you... My last boyfriend treats his female friends far, far better than he treated me.

I am 30 and worried I will never have a partner, because the cliche appears to be true - "all the good ones are taken"! And there seems to be more nice, normal, considerate etc etc women around than men. Sadly I am coming to the conclusion that this isn't just perception, but due to societal expctations, meaning men are just more likely to be overgrown children/inconsiderate/selfish/poor lifestyle/alcholic/poor hygeine/other massive red flag etc.

Sigh.

Oh and my step dad is lovely, his ex wife left for someone else and he was single for quite a while before my mum met him.

I have to start with this because I think it is at tyre route of women ending up in domestic slavery he used to help in the first few years of our marriage. Ffs it isn't about the bloke helping domestic stuff is shared responsibility. I nearly had a row with a close friend a few weeks ago about how lucky I am and how life is easy for me..... I would not have had kids with a lazy, sexist bloke end of conversation so I don't see it as luck.

We got together young, I married in my early 20s. DH is good looking, solvent, sees me as an equal, takes equal responsibility for parenting, has everything really (well apart from a flash car or flash anything tbh). Neither of us felt the need to 'shag around' in our 20s personally I don't feel I lost out.

Dh also wasnt raised by a single dad and his dad seemingly did nothing round the house (bit like mine really tbh). I think that if you marry young and things go well you grow together rather than apart, its easier than starting from scratch in your 30s. I don't agrre that older blokes are better, I think it was just normal to not lift a finger so no one complained.

A lot of the anti-men posters here would not sound out of place on the red-pill MRA misogynist forums, if they just reversed the genders. Same bitterness, same anger, same entitlement in different clothes.

Men and women are different. Hormones play a huge factor and also deep engrained misogyny that cultured in the home.

I'm not bitter. I have an amazing Dh, but I have spent enough time round males to know that for for a while their perception of women is some what skewed. I would cringe on Monday morning in work when i could hear what they did over the weekend and it was all taken in jest by all of them when quite obviously some young girl had obviously been taken the piss out of.

My FIL and BIL have the worst attitude to women I have ever seen all hidden under the guise that they love women too much. They both have spent the last 20 years cheating on their wives, BIL every single year he was caught.

Is every man like like this? No, they are not. But misogyny runs deep and that already puts women on the back foot so I do think it's easier for men to cheat than women.

I'm off to finish my coffee

This is another one of those times when I think I'm leading a normal, unremarkable life ... and then I come on here, and it dawns on me that I might be the weird, odd one out:

I have a lovely DH. He has a fab group of (mostly) men friends. I had a lovely, gentle, caring Dad. A wonderful, kind, sensitive (albeit gay) brother. He has a delightful partner. I have a kind, gentle, loyal, funny FIL. I work with plenty of seemingly nice men.

And then I come on here and some of the stories ... It's such an eye-opener.

There are enough decent men to go round, and sooner women sack off the useless articles with a zero tolerance policy, the better.

A lot of the anti-men posters here would not sound out of place on the red-pill MRA misogynist forums, if they just reversed the genders. Same bitterness, same anger, same entitlement in different clothes.

Very much agree with you

TheDowager

Your last paragraph is bang on.

There are enough decent men to go round, and sooner women sack off the useless articles with a zero tolerance policy, the better.
Hmm. I can't help but feel that if women all employed a "zero tolerance"policy to the men in their lives, the number of "decent men"still standing would be somewhat fewer than they originally thought
And *mephistoles" I'm not anti men, and I feel absolutely no sense of entitlement whatsoever.

I have several brothers, one of whom is a good husband and father. I have a few males friends who seem like they are decent chaps.
But what this thread is about is being single as a grown up, and realising the dearth of men who are really just basically normal.
I keep saying this, but partnered people seem to believe that single women over 30 are holding out for perfect. I don't know if this comes from the media or what, but it's just not what I see.
I see several of my friends (36-41) serially dating men who seem ok at first, but then either turn out to be liars, cheaters, unwilling to settle for a woman their own age, or just batshit crazy
I don't want to think this. I want to believe that there are decent men available. I just don't see much empirical evidence of it.

I wonder if I'm decent ? Given that I haven't found out yet I would say the likelihood is not. Such is life.

Good luck in your search for Mr Right, OP.

I definitely agree with mistressdeecee in that when women can't find a nice man, it's automatically their fault, but when single men can't find a woman...yep! That's the women's fault too for not recognising what a great guy he is..
Basically, it's always our fault.

Plus all the married people rushing in to tell all the single women how unrealistically picky they are. Actually now I think about it, thats quite insulting to their partners "You have to be less picky, just look at mine!"

At 30, I threw out a man for sleeping with prostitutes.

I gave up at that point, went down the 'all men bastards, all relationships are wank' route.

I'm 36 now and expecting my first with my DP of four years.

Some things above that I can relate to:

Find peace within yourself. Have some time off from men. (I stayed utterly single - not even a snog - for a year) You will never have a happy relationship unless you are happy with yourself - and why would a decent man want that emotional baggage anyway?

My DP was an old friend. Do not make any big commitments (like moving in together) unless you have fully discussed it and have no doubts whatsoever. You need to know the person first.

vienna I wonder if I'm decent ? Given that I haven't found out yet I would say the likelihood is not. Such is life.

Ok. Are you violent? (especially towards women in a relationhip?)
Do you have terrible BO/appear to not wash your clothes?
Do you constantly put down, take the piss out of, silence, and then lecture to girlfriends? Are they allowed an opinion?
Barring disability, are you able to, and see the need, to do basic housekeeping? (hoovering, having loo roll in , washing up more than once a month...)
Do you try to eat relatively healthily and exercise?

Do you have some inclination to save money as oppose to spending it all on drink/drugs/computer games?

Do you have a regular drug habit other than the odd joint?

Do you smoke tobacco with no intention of giving up ever? (ex smoker here!)
Do you have some basic ambition in life/current goal? (I'm talking on a basic level - if you're working in the local Tesco do you have something else in life you're aiming for? Write novels? Something other than the pub?)
Do you want children? (not immeditely!)
Are you planning to emigrate?

Do you claim to have loads of ambitions but never actually follow them? (travel etc, esp. if you don't have children yet.)
and... GSOH

gosh, look at my ridiculously high standards

oh I've thought of another one... when your girlfriend is throwing up with pain, unable to move, and almost collapsing, do you say "It's only period pain"? !!

Pandora I'm not actually 'looking', I'm happy being single, I just would like to know I will meet someone eventually.

I stayed utterly single - not even a snog - for a year

I'm beating that record already . Honestly, being single is the norm for me. I've never lived with a partner, either (don't want to unless married, as don't want to make a home with someone without serious commitment.) Most of my relationships have been 3-4 months only - the time it takes for him to out himself s a wanker. The longer ones have been abusive. Gosh my track record is awful on reflection!

Even when I've been happy with myself, an abusive dickhead comes along, worms his way in, and wrecks it. I have traumatic isses and depression from stuff that's happened in my life, it would take a special man to actually uderstand that and be close. I try my best to be ok. I dont think there's much hope for me; my post was more of a general observation that there seems to be more decent, pleasant single women out there then single men.

Mephistopheles A lot of the anti-men posters here would not sound out of place on the red-pill MRA misogynist forums, if they just reversed the genders. Same bitterness, same anger, same entitlement in different clothes.

I'm not bitter, or angry, just disappointed and saddened. And I'm not blindly slagging off men either - I'm criticisng those who are controlling, abusive, and lacking basic hygeine and living skills. There are plenty of nice men - but they seem to already be in relationships.

Perhaps you missed the bit where men have been controlling women and using them as domestic servants for years? Perhaps on a forum where black people were discussing how saddened they were by ongoing racism you'd pop in to inform them they were being racist towards white people by saying that? At no point has it been said that ALL men are awful. We are talking about there being a mismatch between the amont of decent single men vs single women.

HTH

Hello element. The answer to most of your questions is 'no'. I have always been a single man and I live alone. I have good living standards.

Surely then, all the answers are no?

Not quite. Yes to good housekeeping and reasonable eating and exercise habits. I try to save every month, even if it's just a few quid, but I'm not in a well-paid job so it doesn't always happen. But I pay the mortgage monthly without fail. Definitely 'no' to wanting children or emigrating.

Sorry - meant to specify futher on the savings front. Really the question is just about the ability to manage money!

Also I don't want to emigrate (despite having enjoyed travel) but various eligible men along the way have!

Was about to say I'm free next Thursday, but I see you don't want children...

Never mind element. Seriously, I wish you well.

Someone earlier made a point about women knowing a lot and being friends with a lot of single men, and thinking they are Good but only knowing friendship wise and not romantically, surely this is the same for women? You know a lot of women and know how they are in friendships, but romantically not? Just hearing about it from their side through text or meeting up every so often or seeing a small glimpse of a relationship isn't the same as being in it.

So I still think men would say the same as just because the women you know are good friends or appear to have their shit together doesn't mean they do anymore than men, and I believe men would say their are not many great single women available to date .

It's all the fault of the Patriachy, innit?
It always is.

I've missed the bus?
Patriachy.
I've eaten too many chips?
Patriarchy.
Can't get a decent bloke?
Patriarchy again.

I agree with you.

I conclude that men * are mysoginistic, smelly!!!! , immature, emotionally inept, hedonistic egotistical arseholes and I vow to never go anywhere near one ever again.

Sex is great sure, but I've known men in happy relationships cheat at the drop of the hat as soon as they're drunk/someone prettier/with bigger boobs/more 'fun' etc shows up. Sex isn't THAT great.
It's not up to me to sort everything out just 'cause I'm a woman. My ex for example, we were getting ready to go to a party, I was doing some food for it, we were running late I said to him 'please put the bits of food I've used away, so I can go and get ready'

'Whaaa? Where, what do I put away'

'Er anything I've used'

Then I watched him to go the worktop and lift his hands in a 'confused' gesture no idea what I meant. I've left nothing out of that little tale-he hadn't a clue and that's just an example.

*I realise not all men can possibly be like this and I know I may have been unlucky, or attracted the wrong ones through no purpose intended.

There are plenty of nice men, but by the time you reach your 30s most of them are taken. People saying 'my DH, FIL, DF etc are lovely' are missing the point. Your 'lovely' DH is not single!
Now I'm not saying a single man of 30+ is certain to have undesirable personality traits, but I would bet a greater proportion of single men do than you would think statistically, they are single for a reason. Either they have issues that have caused relationships to fail or they choose to stay single and are not interested in a serious relationship.
Of course the same could be said of women, but if you are a woman seeking a man, that is not relevant to you.