To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

[Redowlinmytree]

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

I think it's as simple as this. If Steak & BJ day was the first thing to jump into ex's DP's mind, then it'll be because she'd planned to "celebrate" it herself. And feels that having the DCs around will put an end to that.

It says more about her than you OP, and yes - why the hell is she contacting you re: the DCs? That's your ex's job, not hers.

Personally, I'd have to reply and tell her it's a personal medical appointment - but only because I'd want her to feel stupid.

But she does end the text by saying "don't worry, we''ll be glad to have them", so no response is necessary, is it?

On it's own, there's nothing wrong with this phrase.

But coming at the end of the text as sent by the Ex's DW, then it seems very PA to me.

Coming at the end, it renders the whole text pointless.

The ONLY point was to embarrass herself by groundlessly accusing someone of ditching their DC for S&BJ day.

I disagree that silence is most effective here. If you don't respond at all, she will possibly take that as 'proof' your plans are all about the BJs (yuck).

While I love the witty responses suggested, I wouldn't dignify her crassness with a direct reply, I'd forward the txt to your ex and ask that he ensures all arrangements are made between you and exH in future. Let him deal with her shitty attitude.

I am an equivalent to her and here's some thoughts:

I'd never send a message to my partner's children's mum asking to change dates. If we did have plans and he'd agreed I'd be annoyed at him but deal with him, not the mum.

It is her business but it's her business with him, not with mum, not with kids.

How peculiar to mention steak & BJ night - is that serious?

Also, I try my hardest to have a life and relationship with my partner, and his lovely children and not upset mum or her life. We have them every weekend all weekend and a night during the week. I booked our holiday on the dates that would work for her and her partner. I think I have a good relationship with my dp's kids. The only time I've communicated with their mum in a text was when dsd was upset and I asked her if I could do anything differently to make her happy. I got a lovely response from the mum, really understanding.

Some people just enjoy making life difficult! I'd rather have as civil and pleasant a relationship with someone who is in your dp's life whether you like it or not, and probably always will be.

My advice is rise above it. She's probably annoyed at the lack of control she feels over her own life - which comes with the territory when your partner has children.

I think it's important the the exDH knows that his DP is interfering in his arrangements with the OP and the best way of doing that is sending a screenshot.

It may be that he is the weak man that his DP makes him out to be, putting his DP at the bottom of his priorities - or it may be that she has her own agenda. Either way, he needs to know - irrespective of what his DP may have said to his face.

OP I wouldn't explain yourself to her, or to your ex if you don't wish to.

I would do what others have suggested, contact your ex, ask him if it is still okay for him to have the children tonight because you have received some odd and quite sexually explicit messages from his wife wanting to know why you can't have them because you have spoilt plans she had already made.

If you feel the need, tell him you do have an important appointment to attend and didn't realise it was going to be a problem but you've had to take the appointment you were given.

You sound really lovely foodie

Whilst I agree that there are times in life when a dignified silence is the way to go, this scenario is not one of them. I would have been beyond insulted by her nasty insinuations and would want to put her firmly in her place. Make sure your ex is aware of what she has said, make it clear to her that it's an important medical appointment and finally, that you will only deal with their father about arrangements in future.

Good grief what a crass text. BJ does mean blow job, right?

Jesus.

What do you think your ex husband would make of this?

I also work full time as well as studying for my masters. My child school fees, uniform and other educational expense come from a family trust. I still can manage to schedule appointments in my time. Would you also like to know how my mortgage is paid for ?

Encroaching on time - I think its only fair that each couple get to time to themselves with out my DD or DSC being there.

I would never ever dictate when my DP can see his children that is just beyond.

She's probably annoyed at the lack of control she feels over her own life this times a million

Thank you! Nicki

All the possible motivations for contacting the op are irrelevant because the issue is between the new wife and her husband - nothing to do with op

Special

If the children reside with the OP the majority of the time and spend one evening and EOW, how is the OP encroaching on their time FFS .

He is their father, he was very happy to swap and even have an additional day. It is not the OP's problem if a) the ex forget that he had already made plans with his wife or b) that it has upset the SM as she had made a secret plan for a steak and BJ night.

I'd write back -

I'm guessing from your message he didn't check with you first? It's actually for a medical appointment both DH and I need to attend. I think from now on it would be best if ex and I communicate directly on these matters if you don't mind. Saves embarrassment for all.

High ground is always a better place to be. Smart are answers just make you look and feel like a dick, although satisfying in the short term.

Smart Arse. ..

I text ex and asked if he was still ok to have DC as ex didn't seem very happy with the idea.

He text back "just ignore her she's pissed off because we go to the gym on Mondays and I'm not going now"

He didn't seem surprised she had text me.

Agree with Polly

She'll feel like a knob. And smart answers make you look like you're angry rather than cool/calm

All that over a trip to the gym? What a tit!

I'm embarrassed for her that is absolutely his problem not yours but now she's got you involved and all that's told you is that they've had words over it. Crinnnggggeee

Oh dear, OP - it sounds like their relationship is rocky.

If they split, would that affect contact ? Worth anticipating so you've got a plan to fall back on.

She is definitely a twat then. Trying to meddle in you and his arrangements for your shared children.

And he's married to her. Poor him.

Gosh I have never in the 6 years DH and I have been together contacted DH's ex to whinge about plans they have made. DH usually lets me know before he agrees any changes with the routine but really I would trust him to use his common sense and make up his own mind. If on any occasion he agrees anything that clashes with plans already in place then it's him that I discuss it with rather than winging to the ex!

FFS the gym? I take back what I have said. I thought her plans were important.

I was thinking that Pretty

She's been a bloody idiot, but the way he writes about her is horrible.

The woman sounds deranged. There's no way I would be sharing my medical information with an ex's new partner allowing her to wildly speculate what the appointment is for given how her mind works! It's none of her bloody business why he needs to have his kids on one of his "off" days. It's called parenting.

I hope she ends up on a squeaky cross trainer; every gym has one.