To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

[Redowlinmytree]

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

We always gave each other first refusal- we knew that the other parent was usually thrilled with the extra time.

It's my dear departed Grandma's birthday today. I'm outraged that it's been supplanted by such a crass occasion!

Anyway OP, your Exs wife has no right to be contacting you in the first place. It's between you and your ex. He sounds quite sensible about having his children.

BYOSnowman I think it very much depends on a number of factors e.g. Age of the child, the type of access arrangements etc.

When me and XH first split DS was ten, and we had a 50/50 arrangement. So if nights/weekends needed to be swapped then we just did iyswim.

Now DS is thirteen and is much more a part of the decision himself, although if it's an overnight arrangement e.g. On a week night then I do say to DS that he needs to stay at his dad's that night, but he spends more of his time here anyway during the week. However if it's not an arrangement where I'd be away overnight then DS would have a choice. So e.g. Recently I went on a training workshop on a Saturday, and I told DS I was going. He elected to stay home with my DP (his choice) and had friends round here etc.

When they're little you would obviously have more control, that being said, contact shouldn't just be contact iyswim, the child should have a home and normal life with both parents, so if that means that one or other parent needs to go out then the child should be able to stay with a babysitter if needed, or a grandparent etc.

I suppose I might think there's a difference if EXh was hiring a babysitter to look after DS rather than e.g. His parents being there, or his dp. I am always a bit at these people who get upset because the DP has spent time alone with the child when it's "supposed to be the father's contact time," a child isn't something to be passed around like a possession. As long as the one or other parent isn't palming the child off elsewhere for all their time I think that relationships with others and normal life which means sometimes the child will be left with grandparents or a DP or over to tea at a friend's is part of normal life and should be encouraged.

Off-topic, but I'm hugely disappointed Google isn't acknowledging Steak & BJ Day. I would love to have seen the Google Doodle.

I would have texted back "You have got the wrong end of the stick, yes...but I accept your apology."

Nothing more.

snowman First refusal was agreed between ex and I after a lot of mediation because he was relying on family and friends to look after DD while I was at home.

Bloody hell, things do NOT sound good in that household. As the SM, if I ever needed DF to rearrange when DSS stayed it would be up to DF to organise it, I'd never contact DF's ex to voice my displeasure.

Frankly, as a SM, if I ever pulled a stunt like that I'd expect my DF to tell his ex to ignore me. I'd want to ignore me!

I wouldn't book an appointment at a time that I knew I wouldn't be child free as I wouldn't want to encroach on my xp and his wife time (and I don't even like the man)

so you are an expert in the OP's surgery appointment system, the OP's work schedule and that of her husband and are aware that another appointment time would have been available?

I don't like to encroach on my ex but there are times - particularly medical - when it is necessary to get someone else to have your children so you can do what you need to do. Why on earth shouldn't the children's father be a port of call for that?

Ive never heard of steak and blowjob day

Thanks for responses - interesting! I guess I was thinking more of a situation where a babysitter would be needed rather than an evening with grandparents

When dh has pissed me off and I consider how a separation would work I wonder this as he travels so much for work.

Anyway, sounds odd that she has decided to involve you in her marital argument - maybe she thought you would feel sorry for her!!

'oh how funny, i'd never heard of that day, for us Monday is fondue and felching, but we do that even when the kids are here. No, the reason i asked is because we have a very serious medical appointment that we both have to attend. I will only discuss the children with exH so never contact me again you utter fucknut '

for us Monday is fondue and felching :o:o

Whats Tuesday? Tapas and Titwanks? :o

Meat free Monday for us- so Quorn and Porn night!

Should not have just googled felching on work laptop!

Well I just had a jacket with cheese so Baked Potato and Bumsex I guess!

Old skool for us, fish-fingers and er fingering.

(Not really, I wouldn't dream of serving fish-fingers on a Monday!)

I suppose fondue and felching should really be Friday but i am quite traditional so it's always fish and fisting. Tuesday is, of course, toad in the hole (no innuendo - get your filthy minds out of the gutters you dirty gerties!!) and teabagging.

By Friday I can't be bothered with much effort so it's macaroni and missionary for us, in anticipation of Saturdays hot dog and hot doggy positions of course.

Saturday = Souvlaki and S&M

Meatballs and.. er... meatballs?

You have Souvlaki and S & M??!! You disgust me!
Everyone knows M & S supper is S & M night.

Although you did say couple issue in your OP!! Joking aside, I would forward to your ex and just make it clear that you have an important medical appt. You don't need to say anything else.

Traditional (spit) roast on Sunday

Would love to see his face if you replied "that's a relief. The kids will enjoy the steak, pity about your blow job though."