To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

[Redowlinmytree]

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

STEAK AND BJ???

Please tell me this isn't a thing.

She's not a loon, no. She's a knob. Loon, to me, implies she doesn't know what she is doing. Lucky you aren't prepared to rise to her game, because step-parents like her can cause hell for children in terms of friction between the parents.

Good for you for not responding - couldn't end well, that, could it. But if you are on good terms with your ex I might quietly show him, explain it's a medical appointment, and ask that communications in future go between the two of you as you don't need the grief. Then let him handle her.

It's a thing hully. There was an epic thread bunfight about it a few years back.

All very 'cool girlfriend'.

As a SM it can be very infuriating when the parents decide to change days when the other partner may have made plans. With out it being discussed. This has happened on so many occasion I have stopped counting

Sure, but that's a problem with your spouse, not their ex.

My response would be " My doctor is vegan , and I think she'd be surprised by the offer of a BJ . But no matter . Will talk to XH to rearrange if it's too difficult for you . "

My ex is a flaky mo-fo to say the least. By that token of how infuriating it is for the SM to have her arrangements pissed about with, would it therefore be acceptable for me to contact my exes fiancée and ask her what she and my ex are up to that's so exciting it prevents him from sticking to a consistent and regular contact schedule and to ask her to please re-think any arrangements they make with my children in mind?

Don't tell her about your medical appt. It's none of her business and its clearly winding her up not knowing.
Just drop her in it forward it to your ex with a message telling him you'd prefer if childcare arrangements were just organised between the two of you.

Don't tell her about the appt, she'll assume she's rumbled you and you're lying to save face. Text back Lol, has convinced you that that's actually a thing? Don't fall for it 😄

She'll be frustrated that she doesn't know what you're doing and she'll also feel stupid if she's planning steak & bj.

If the OP wasn't so vague and made it look like it was just a random change for a night out/ day out thing. This Steak and BJ days as been about for a while its not 'Cool Girlfriend' to know about it (That is a terrible term and anti women BTW) maybe the SM wouldn't have been so annoyed.

Medical appointments can be made during the day when DC are at School/Nursery. I wouldn't book an appointment at a time that I knew I wouldn't be child free as I wouldn't want to encroach on my xp and his wife time (and I don't even like the man). I would expect my DP ex w to show the same consideration.

She's a loon...I'd want to keep in contact to hear more of her 'interesting' theories. I'd use EKLs response but add..it's a medical appointment if you must know.

Your nick name really suits you.

The OP's ex's partner is not the only loon in town.

NickiFury Thanks

You could reply

LOL
(OLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL)
;)

You're more than welcome

Does the woman think steak and BJ day is compulsory, do you think? What happens if, God Forbid, you did it on the wrong day?

I'd text back and say that you have an important medical appointment and need your OH there for support. Hopefully it'll make her feel bad.

I can see that it must be annoying for SMs when your DH/OH arranges to have his children without consulting you but he (and only he) is at fault if he doesn't discuss it with you first. The exw only asked. He has the option to say no.

As a veggie well, pescatarian I want to know when 'Artichokes and Anal' night is. YANBU btw.

its not 'Cool Girlfriend' to know about it

I didn't say it was CG to know about it.

(That is a terrible term and anti women BTW)

No it's really, really not.

But Soecialsnowflake1 the children's father is happy to have his children for another night.....if his partner isn't impressed by that, then she needs to take it up with him, not text his ex with her nonsense.

In fact he offered the extra night as OP originally just requested a swap.

Medical appointments can be made during the day when DC are at School/Nursery. I wouldn't book an appointment at a time that I knew I wouldn't be child free as I wouldn't want to encroach on my xp and his wife time (and I don't even like the man). I would expect my DP ex w to show the same consideration.

It rather depends on the medical appointment, doesn't it.

You don't always get to choose.

The text was shit, she's wouldn't have sent it.

However you are also jumping to conclusions, who's to say her vague plans are not also very important and she is in fact furious with your Ex for agreeing on a day when they had something important to attend. Doesn't necessarily make her a crap step parent or a loon. She may have just made a rather hasty, ill judged decision to send that text.

Unless she has form for this type of thing I think you should probably consider if it was a one off.

shouldn't!