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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

299 replies

Redowlinmytree · 14/03/2016 10:20

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

OP posts:
diddl · 14/03/2016 11:46

Ah, sorry.

Missed that she put that they had plans.

I do think she's awful for mentioning steak & bj & assuming that's why Op wants them to have the kids.

Maybe her idea of a joke?

Not good if he has cancelled their plans.

She makes it sound as if it happens a lot for Op & the kids.

acasualobserver · 14/03/2016 11:46

Or are you supposed to be giving a blow job during the eating of steak?

Well, that would certainly save time. Could be a useful tip for a busy mum.

MistressDeeCee · 14/03/2016 11:47

Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me

ooooh thats a low-blow. Apology with a sting in the tail

Only EKL response will doGrin

PirateSmile · 14/03/2016 11:48

Alternatively say,
We don't celebrate steak and BJ day because I'm rubbish at cooking steak.

Grin
JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 14/03/2016 11:49

I'd fwd the text to XDH and say "just received this. Not sure what steak & bj day is but if you and wife had booked something to celebrate and can't look after the DC after all, please could you let me know ASAP as I'll have to rearrange my medical appt - can't take the kids to it. Thanks"

Arneb · 14/03/2016 11:51

I'd forward the text to ex - say why am I receiving crap like this and checking it is okay for him to have his kids.

I'd probably text back - this is massively inappropriate - it's for a medical appointment and I have no wish to discuss it in any further detail with you. Incidentally your DH offered this solution -so you need to talk to him not me.

SirChenjin · 14/03/2016 11:52

"I don't appreciate MadWoman's grubby innuendos about my personal life, nor do I want to discuss my medical issues with her. Please, next time you want to discuss seeing the children just contact me yourself."

YY to this. Then the ball is firmly in his court - leave it to her to explain what she said without you copying and pasting anything, and make it clear you're not dealing with her in future.

Helmetbymidnight · 14/03/2016 11:53

Don't reply. She'll only say she's joking blah blah.

FeelingFine89 · 14/03/2016 11:55

If they had plans then he should have took that in to consideration. Unless it is an emergency in which he he really couldn't say no, then he should have discussed it with his DW and considered whether to change their plans for you. And if they wouldn't then you would have had to suck it up.
I think the steak and blowjob dig is a bit Confused+Hmm+Grin, but I also can see why she's annoyed at both of you. Him mainly. But you as well.

PerspicaciaTick · 14/03/2016 11:55

It really isn't the OPs problem if her Ex has changed his plans to have the children. That is between him and his wife, if the wife has an issue she should speak to get husband not be so rude to the OP.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 14/03/2016 11:57

Ask her if she's worried he said yes to having the kids cos she's shit at blow jobs Grin

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 14/03/2016 11:58

Anyway, today is not steak and blow job day it is Pi day (as long as you can overlook the whole date being the wrong way round thing. Or you're American).

We'll be having pie for tea tonight Grin

MTPurse · 14/03/2016 12:03

but I also can see why she's annoyed at both of you. Him mainly. But you as well.

Really? Confused

SymphonyofShadows · 14/03/2016 12:07

I agree with PP about contacting the ExH with a screenshot and saying that the reason you were vague is that it's a medical appt. That should shame her.

We've got steak tonight. We were supposed to have it yesterday but plans changed. I'm going to ignore the other part Grin

Flisspaps · 14/03/2016 12:09

I think OPs idea of texting Ex directly and asking if he's genuinely ok to have the kids is the right one.

What's the need for screenshots or texting her back?

curren · 14/03/2016 12:09

You can see why she is annoyed that he is having his own children?

Goingtobeawesome · 14/03/2016 12:10

She's got a nerve!Shock.

NickiFury · 14/03/2016 12:11

What a dick. I don't think I would want my kids to go there if she was being so obstructive and unpleasant about it tbh. I wouldn't respond to her again and would forward the messages to her DH while informing I had made other arrangements for kids.

GooseberryRoolz · 14/03/2016 12:14

What puzzles me is DSPs involving themselves directly in contact arrangements. I never once got involved in communications between my DSCs' parents. I can't understand how that crops up.

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2016 12:14

If they had plans and in the absence of any explanation, yes I can. Obviously the OP hasn't done anything wrong but her ex should have spoken to his wife before agreeing.

Ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2016 12:14

I think I'd be discussing this with your ex DH - show him the messages in person, forward to him or send him Jeffrey's text.

Absolutely uncalled for and completely not your problem

MrsJorahMormont · 14/03/2016 12:15

She's a simpleton. Send EKL's text back. Then ignore her.

LaurieFairyCake · 14/03/2016 12:15

I'd text her back with "I have a doctors appt. please don't text me again with ridiculous assumptions. Probably best to leave the arrangements to me and my ex husband".

Ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2016 12:16

I can't see why step parents can't get involved in contact arrangements - surely if everything is amicable then it would be a good thing? But this woman's message is bloody horrible, aggressive and completely unreasonable.

Ginkypig · 14/03/2016 12:19

Send this Grin

Well excuse me but we don't have the sort of close relationship that would precede such an obviously crude joke, it obviously must be a joke as if it isn't i find it deeply shocking you would think it appropriate to talk to the mother of your husbands children in this way.... If you knew me at all It would be quite clear in this house it's pasta and pegging