To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

[Redowlinmytree]

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

[NickiFury]

If you're comfortable with its fine I suppose. Personally I would not presume to get involved and I certainly wouldn't be making arrangements regarding my DC and their contact with their parent with anyone but that parent.

[GooseberryRoolz]

I suppose I mean inserting ourselves into arrangements uninvited foxache.

But, yes, this woman has done it just to have a dig.

[TheWitTank]

I wouldn't respond to her. She has made herself sound a right dick and I would leave her to stew about it. I would however speak to ex about it or forward the message from her, and explain to him that you have a medical appointment tonight which is why you asked for a change of days, and that it seems to be a problem with his wife. Steak and BJ day? Grim.

[Inertia]

I think I'd text back both EXH and his wife to say:

" Hi both, surprised that there's now a problem with the children coming to you as ExH has already agreed to the arrangement. I need to attend a medical appointment that's not suitable for the children, so it seemed to be best for them to be with their father. To be honest I find the comments about steak and BJ night quite crass under the circumstances. RedOwl."

[wheresthebeach]

Urgh. I'd ignore and I wouldn't explain about the medical appointment either. That's feeding her desire to be involved. It's none of her business if you don't want it to be. You'd end up being asked why you both have to attend I suspect.

I'd show the message to ex and then reiterate that it's down to the parents to sort contact.

[crispytruffle]

It's odd. I wouldn't bother replying - silence speaks volumes! I would contact ex and ask him if he was still ok to have the children because you've received some texts. That should annoy her more!

[Specialsnowflake1]

I don't think she is mad apart from the BJ thing (but that might have been a joke). As a SM it can be very infuriating when the parents decide to change days when the other partner may have made plans. With out it being discussed. This has happened on so many occasion I have stopped counting.

Also as a mum that DD has a step mum why are you contacting her? All our contact (Me and XP DP and XW ) go through the parents not the step parent.

[Firstlawofholes]

I wouldn't ask ex if he's still OK to have the kids as that gives him an "out" if she's been having a go at him (which she clearly has). What will you do if he retracts, "well actually it would be better if we could rearrange, I didn't realise wife had made plans... etc"?

If you don't want to share that you have a medical appointment or forward the vile texts (I'd probably do both tbh) then just tell him that you don't appreciate getting messages from his wife about your arrangements but will only deal directly with him. And maybe say something like "thanks again for offering to have them, it really helps me out and they're excited to see Daddy twice this week."

[VagueIdeas]

I would HAVE to let her know that it's a medical appointment, because that bitchy comment about steak and BJ day is so bloody underhand.

[JacquesHammer]

I don't think she is mad apart from the BJ thing (but that might have been a joke). As a SM it can be very infuriating when the parents decide to change days when the other partner may have made plans. With out it being discussed. This has happened on so many occasion I have stopped counting

Sure - maybe it is infuriating, but it absolutely isn't the OP's fault. If Ex-H and I change plans I don't ask him "are you sure its ok with your partner" - I assume he's got the brains to cope with that side of things. If wife is pissed she should take it up with her husband, not the OP

[Ohfourfoxache]

Think I just find it a bit sad that sometimes the loveliest of step parents are automatically expected not to get involved in looking after and arrangements and bringing up. I'm not a step parent and neither is DH, but I just think most people have more than enough love in their hearts to care for kids

[Lndnmummy]

I would screen shot to your ex and say "actually it was a medical appointment hence it is private and i was "vague"." please could you ask your wife not to contact me again as communication relating to our children should be kept between their parents, thanks.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

That hardly seems to apply in this case though, does it - as the woman is cavilling at having to have the children for an extra night because it interferes with herplans.

[NickiFury]

If your husband changes plans to have his children without asking you then your problem is with your husband not the mother of his children who only asked if her children's other parent could help her out. Why should she be expected to know or even care about her exes wife's arrangements? It's irrelevant to her. It's all on him.

[Specialsnowflake1]

There is no maybe about it. Try making plans only for them to be cancelled because someone who has nothing to do with you wants to do something that day.

If you are not a SM you have no idea how annoying it is to have someone who has nothing to do with you gets to have some say in what happens in your life/home.

[NickiFury]

Yes. She doesn't sound a particularly lovely step parent does she?

[PennyDropt]

Good response Redlow

Why start a point scoring battle, crazy - perhaps DexH always decides things without discussing it. It's their prob, don't make it yours.

[Helmetbymidnight]

No, the SM's beef here should be with her DH, and not with the op. The Op doesn't have to arrange things for the SM's convenience. That's for the DH to do.

She sounds like a fecking nightmare.

[NickiFury]

But, again, it's nothing whatsoever to do with the ex. She asks, it's accepted. If it's not convenient it shouldn't have been. Your husband is the problem.

[ravenAK]

I think I would refuse to be offended & reply 'no, that isn't the reason - hope you & ex aren't feeling your style is cramped in that department, though? Tell him to text me if any problems, otherwise I'll go with what he & I have already agreed. You big pervy inappropriate weirdo, you.'

If she was joking, well, so are you. If she was intending to wind you up, she'll be thoroughly irritated.

Then next time you see ex ask him if she's ok, because she's sent you a couple of rather...funny peculiar...texts. Breezily refuse to go into details.

She'll feel a complete berk explaining to him & perhaps think twice next time.

[Helmetbymidnight]

why are you contacting her?

The op didn't contact her.

[RhiWrites]

I think this is perfect for the "what an interesting assumption" response.

[Pseudo341]

Never heard of steak and BJ day, but on being told about it my (very amused) DH said "but that implies valentines day is just for women". Having said that, we don't really do valentines day.

Do not reply to this woman, you need to avoid communicating with her as much as possible or you'll open a flood gate for tons more nonsense. I'd forward her message to your ex saying something about how you're upset you have to tell him you have a personal medical appointment to defend yourself against this insult.

[WorraLiberty]

OwlLady - "crab and cunnilingus day"

Brilliant!!

[BreakfastLunchPasta]

There are lots of lovely step parents out there, that don't view time with their stepchildren as an imposition and know they can still do blowjobs after dcs have gone to bed .
It sounds like the exh is "yay - we get an extra day with the dcs!". Whereas she appears to resent them.

I like Laurie's reply. I'd want to make her feel guilty and grubby :o