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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think exDH's wife is a fucking loon

299 replies

Redowlinmytree · 14/03/2016 10:20

Last week I asked ex if he would mind chaining days this week so he has the kids tonight instead of Wednesday, he said fine no problem will have them both days instead will be nice to have them for an extra night.

There was no particular reason other than I've got a late GP appt and need DP to come too (couple issue!). Will be easier without DC. TBH I never ask ex to swap days around so this is a rarity. I didn't tell ex why I needed to swap although he did ask and I was vague!

Had a text from ex's wife this morning

Hi red, I know DH said we could have DC tonight, just wondering if it is urgent as we do have plans tonight. DH loves to see kids so doesn't like to say no, just wondered if we could do another night instead? {and some other stuff about a birthday coming up}

I text back saying no not really as we had plans, sorry if it was an inconvenience but ex seemed ok with it

Just had this reply: Yes well he doesn't like to say no to you or seeing the kids. To be fair think its a bit off asking us to have kids so you can celebrate steak and BJ night (guessing thats why you want the night off, ex said you were vague about why!) Apologies if i've got the wrong end of the stick but seems quite obvious to me. Anyway don't worry, we will be glad to have them, enjoy your night.

She's a fucking loon right?

OP posts:
jellybean2000 · 14/03/2016 11:16

Urggg I hate the use of "to be fair". It's on a par with "with all due respect".

If I had to reply then I would not engage with her, but ask your ex to ask his wife not to interfere with plans about the children that have been made and agreed between the two of you.

It sounds like you and your ex have a good relationship in this regard. You really don't need his wife to be involved.

Arfarfanarf · 14/03/2016 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeridianB · 14/03/2016 11:18

Shock Speaking as an SM, she is gives SMs a bad name! Agree with those who say ignore and just deal with your exH.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/03/2016 11:21

Appalling behaviour from her, truly.
How dare she make suppositions like that - it's not as if you do it all the time, you've said so, and your children's father has agreed to have them, so seriously, she can fuck off.

She's just fishing for info. I wouldn't give it to her.

TeaPleaseLouise · 14/03/2016 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missybct · 14/03/2016 11:23

Fuck me, that's a priceless one.

To the poster that said it's none of the ex's new wives business when the kids are round, that's a bit unfair - presumably they live together, so having boundaries is making sure arrangements suit all parties and not just one person - v important in stepfamilies

That is a totally mental response from her. Once an arrangement HAS been made, it's not her place to try and rearrange with you - that's up to your ex. If she's pissy with you because the kids are over an extra night and her husband (your ex) "can't say no to you" then the issue is between her and him, not you, and she shouldn't be bothering you. As you said, your ex agreed.

The leap from "Please can we rearrange" to accusing you of dumping the kids so you can get your rocks off is batshit crazy. I genuinely don't know anybody who takes shit like that seriously, least of all accuse her husbands ex of it Grin

PirateSmile · 14/03/2016 11:25

I would reply:
Got your text. Actually I have a GP's appointment which DP has to also attend hence why I asked.

Let her feel like a twat. She deserves to.

BillSykesDog · 14/03/2016 11:26

I suspect it's probably a case of crossed wires and exdh has made some sort of joke about S&BJ day which she hasn't got and has taken seriously.

It's fucking offensive she's said that to you and you should take that up with ex. But I would take some of the more extreme comments on here about SMs having no right to be consulted about childcare changes with a massive pinch of salt.

missybct · 14/03/2016 11:26

And yeah, be vague. I probably wouldn't respond, mention it to your exH and carry on as normal. (I'd LOVE to respond with Elderly's suggestion though)

As a SM, agree with Meridian - shit like this makes people wary of a large group of women who genuinely just get on with it.

ExitPursuedByABear · 14/03/2016 11:26

OMG it is actually a thing.

Who knew?

Well clearly your ex's DW

Only1scoop · 14/03/2016 11:26
Shock I hadn't realised its a date specific thing This steak and afters shenanigans I thought the ex was just being randomly rude.
KC225 · 14/03/2016 11:28

Exactly what shemozzle and movingup said. Ignore her and forward her mails to you ex saying you do not want to discuss your medical issues with her at all. It will infuriate her that you gone to your ex. Ignoring her will also make her look churlish and give you the moral high ground for not responding.

Good luck

chelle792 · 14/03/2016 11:28

(derailing thread - I REALLY fancy steak now!! Do you think if I get a steak in DH will get the wrong idea? Grin)

ex's DW was very inappropriate. Maybe your ex needs to know that his DW finds the kids to be an inconvenience.

"sorry to bother, just checking that you're ok to have the kids as your DW text me and told me that she didn't want them over"

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/03/2016 11:30

Well yes, I would consider forwarding her messages to your ex, just so he can see how "on board" she is with having his children over for an extra night. And how rude she is.

But I still wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing what you're actually doing.

memyselfandaye · 14/03/2016 11:32

I couldn't not text back either.

Something along the lines of, well you might have to pre book a steak and blow job night but we do that every night anyway, so thats not the reason.

diddl · 14/03/2016 11:33

I'd just check with ex that he's OK to have the kids & leave it at that.

"He doesn't like to say no to seeing the kids"-well blow me down, who'd have thought it?

A dad taking a chance of extra time with his kids!

She sounds awful.

BarbarianMum · 14/03/2016 11:37

I don't think she sounds awful (although last text was weird). If I'd made plans with dh to go out and he cancelled last minute without talking to me first, I'd be fed up. Even if it was for the kids (who are mine too).

redshoeblueshoe · 14/03/2016 11:37

Apparently its also Pi Day, tell her you need peace and quiet to do some equations. Mmm think I'll have pie for tea

PerspicaciaTick · 14/03/2016 11:39

Send this to your DP. Keep it vague.

"I don't appreciate MadWoman's grubby innuendos about my personal life, nor do I want to discuss my medical issues with her. Please, next time you want to discuss seeing the children just contact me yourself."

Finola1step · 14/03/2016 11:40

Ignore her. Forward to your ex h. Tell him from now on, all communication about dc is between you and him.

Cut this woman out if the loop. You do not need the hassle this could bring long term.

PerspicaciaTick · 14/03/2016 11:40

Sorry that would say Ex not DP Blush

cathpip · 14/03/2016 11:40

I would screen shot her message and put them in an email and then let fly at your ex personally, maybe include the words a drs appointment in regards to a serious medical issue I have is something that I did not wish to disclose for obvious reasons but the utter filth that has come from your wife is disgusting. With regards the dc, I wish to only communicate with you from now on. I am still flabbergasted!

leelu66 · 14/03/2016 11:43

I would so forward the text to exDH.

I would think that he needs to know that she regards it as an imposition to have the DC on a rare extra night, and whether this is the type of woman he wants as the step-mum to his kids.

You're very forbearing not to text back.

lunar1 · 14/03/2016 11:45

You are a better woman than me for not replying!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/03/2016 11:46

its so tempting to send her a witty and sarcastic comment back. but it will cause a ruck that you don't need

I think to rise above it is best, but I would text what was suggested

Got your text. Actually I have a GP's appointment which DP has to also attend hence why I asked.

steak and BJ night, BOAK