AIBU and expecting too much

[Cutecat78]

I know step parents get flamed on here - I love my DSDs but have just had quite a "trying" weekend with them. I have three DC of my own who are in their teens and only one DD so I genuinely want to know if my DSDs are perhaps a bit immature (which I am really struggling with tbh as it means I spend the whole weekend feeling like an evil bitch telling them off and then go back to my FTJ on a Monday feeling totally stressed) and what do I do to maybe help them improve their behaviour a bit when with us

Have my DSDs every other weekend - we have 5 kids here.

DSDs just do not seem to be growing up since I met them 7 yrs ago. They are 11 and 9.

11 yr old wets the bed, walking round supermarket pulling down each other's trousers and knickers (11 yr old has hit puberty - I felt a bit mortified), spitting in each other's faces while unsupervised this afternoon, while trying to bake cakes with them they squabble over number of "stirs" and who cracks which egg, completely incapable of amusing themselves without us entertaining them or watching TV, talking to each other in "goo goo gaga" language and pretending to be babies, every single time they go to the loo not flushing, leaving a trail of bog roll and not washing hands and needing DH to sort out their clothes to wear - these are just a few examples - when they are playing together it just reminds me of the tension I felt when mine were toddlers - they cannot be trusted to be left in a room as they play fight and rip up paper (letters etc) or knock into things and break stuff or will pick up a load of clean laundry and throw it round the room.

Am I just stressed and tired and out of touch or are these behaviours a bit childish for these ages - and what do I do? OH struggles to put in any consequences as he says "they are only here for 4 days a month" yet expects me to be stringent as with my DC - another thread TBH. They often totally ignore me when I nicely ask them to stop a behaviour. My DC do not do this to me they respect me.

I know as a step mum it's trying sometimes but this feels so stressful every other weekend.

NeedsAsockamnesty thank you for your post directed to me, the things you mention are beyond my scope of knowledge as I have not read the OP's other threads. It may all be as you say it is, and for the girls sake I would hope it was.

We only have to go on here what the OP has said.

If all the OP has said is true but we don't know how the girls react in their own home I would still be worried because:

-They have persistent nits (this of itself is NOT the end of the world but part of a potential bigger picture
-One child has problems making (or making and keeping) friends at school (I can't remember the wording so my apologies)
-The other child is about to go up to secondary school where the OP fears she will 'be eaten alive'.
-They are exhibiting bed wetting (or at least one of them is some of the time), I find it hard to believe the birth mum would explore bed wetting with a GP or other medical person or agree to it if there was no bed-wetting at home - but it it is not clear how involved the birth mum is in all of this so this may be without her knowledge or involvement (it's a long thread so I am trying to remember what was said pages ago)
-The behaviour exhibited in front of the OP is worrying and I find it hard to believe that it is held exclusively for step mum or birth dad or for them together, but I could be wrong

Cutecat has anything on this thread been of us?

cutecat

I apoligise profusely,the driving thing was annoying me greatly because I wasnt sure if I was remembering correctly or not. I have mixed you up with another poster whose deadbeat DH did lose the licence due to a drink problem they also had a cat style name.
Rereading it it's obvious it's not you different posting style and everything.

Cutecat I can read you are frustrated as you feel doubt is being cast over you and your DP.
Your intuition seems to be reliable. Trust it. And you and your DP have a responsibility to do something for these neglected girls.
Good luck

For crying out loud. She has done something.