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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
Mrscog · 09/03/2016 09:48

The working from home thing completely depends on whether she's already set up to work from home, with suitable tasks. I wouldn't let someone who'd never worked from home before suddenly work from home with no planning (what would they actually do?). They'd have to take leave - which to be honest if they're feeling delicate is what they should be doing - resting/thinking/healing. If they were already established in homeworking then I wouldn't have a problem.

19909ninty · 09/03/2016 09:49

It's not really up to you to decide whether it's an acceptable reason for her to be off is it?

By the way you obviously don't get it.

hiddenhome2 · 09/03/2016 09:53

I had to take a day off work when my cat went missing. I was so upset and frantic and couldn't stop crying. He's still missing. He was a lovely cat and part of my family.

TheOddity · 09/03/2016 09:56

Nothing useful to add, just this title made me Grin

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2016 09:57

Well at least the OP has admitted how unreasonable they are being. A little compassion never hurts.

Namechangingbastard · 09/03/2016 09:58

YABU my dogs are my furry children.

TheOddity · 09/03/2016 09:59

Errrr and sorry guys but although I know dogs are like 'one of the family', but given you don't get automatic days off for a cousin dying, or even a grandparent, then I think it isn't really a given to work from home. Come in and be sad at work like everyone else. If you can't do work because you're too sad, ask for a day or two of leave.

Frika · 09/03/2016 10:05

YABU. Losing a pet's like losing a relative. My ex-boss even offered me the day off when my XP turned up at my office to tell me his DF had died.

But by DF do you mean your ex's father, rather than his budgie? I wouldn't be in the least surprised if someone was offered time off on the death of someone who, even if not a blood relative, they had been close to, but it's hardly the same thing as a pet dying, for heaven's sake.

Yanbu in the least, OP. Of course it's natural to be terribly upset when a much-loved pet dies, but her response is immature and unprofessional. You soldier on at work in those circumstances, whatever your private grief. I would be enormously sympathetic to a colleague who had lost a pet, but a request to take time off on the death of a pet would be regarded as completely mad.

NoelHeadbands · 09/03/2016 10:07

Why would I? I'm allowed to WFH

OnlyLovers · 09/03/2016 10:26

her response is immature and unprofessional

Nice.

Also did you miss the bit where she asked to work at home, not take the day off?

Twinsareplenty · 09/03/2016 10:32

Depends on the job - if 'the team' cannot work without her then it's a problem, but if it's just mindless office drone crap where no one will really miss her then fine.
Could be worse, she could be outside every hour having a fag...

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/03/2016 10:39

No. I had a Deputy Head who had 6 cats; each time one died his wife was distraught and he had to go home for the rest of the day. In his position there were certain things only he could do, and his absence had quite a large effect on the day's work.

AnnieNoMouse · 09/03/2016 10:45

Have those on this thread saying that losing a pet is the same as losing a family member ever experienced the latter form of loss? And if you did, do you think the feelings of grief that the pet death generated were actually displaced grief for the dead relative?
I understand that losing a much loved animal is upsetting but some of the reactions on here seem a tad over the top.

AnnieNoMouse · 09/03/2016 10:47

And if losing a pet really is as bad as losing a relative then surely the reasoning should be that the OP's colleague is too grief stricken to even think of working from home and should be offered compassionate leave?

YaySirNaySir · 09/03/2016 10:50

Yabvvvu

CruCru · 09/03/2016 10:52

Hmmm. I'm going to go against most of the posters here and say that YANBU. When you need to take time off / work flexibly due to personal reasons, you use up some of your team's goodwill.

People want to be kind and considerate when someone is upset. Taking time off etc due to the loss of a pet will leave someone feeling like an asshole for thinking it's a bit weird.

AnnieNoMouse · 09/03/2016 10:55

My DH's manager once told another team member that he knew how it must feel for that team member to have lost a baby (very late miscarriage) as he the manager had recently experienced the death of his cat Hmm

That seemed like gross insensitivity to me but this thread has enlightened me - apparently both types of bereavement are the same level Shock

hollinhurst84 · 09/03/2016 11:19

My horse was with me through school, college and I took him to Uni with him. When he was PTS I would have been in no fit state to work, I honestly couldn't see the point to getting out of bed. Was so used to the morning jobs, then the afternoon ride and the evening jobs and it felt so so strange

Gobbolino6 · 09/03/2016 11:25

I agree with upu, OP. I adore my cats, bury wouldn't expecrt to tale ti!e off when they die.

specialsubject · 09/03/2016 11:25

Losing a pet is NOT like losing a relative. Yes, it is sad but humans are more important.

bereavement/compassionate leave is for a human death. Otherwise - take annual leave, the request for which should be allowed if at all possible.

scream away. If you've ever lost a loved relative or friend you'll know it is NOT the same as a pet dying.

Gobbolino6 · 09/03/2016 11:26

Wow, need to check before posting!

OnlyLovers · 09/03/2016 11:29

I don't think losing a pet is the same as losing a person.

I wish people would stop saying she asked for the day off. She asked to WORK AT HOME (capitals for the hard of reading/thinking).

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2016 11:31

I would just go home sick, and ring in sick the next day. Save anyone having a bitch and a moan and a judge of what my pet means to me.

Bananatroopers · 09/03/2016 11:35

In importance levels my dog comes 4th in the rankings.

Well above lots and lots of humans.

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/03/2016 11:36

I was truly devastated when my horse was pts after he had an accident. I was 7 months pregnant. Had rescued him 16years earlier. It was awful. He was stuck on his side, unable to get up. I found him like that after work, having chatted at the office for half an hour (guilt) had to wait for vet, firebrigade and a man with a lifting lorry to arrive. I didn't take time off as I was already being treated unreasonably at work due to my pregnancy and thought it would make matters worse. I struggled not to cry. I was eventually signed off by my doctor for 5 weeks. Obviously not 'just' because of the horse. But I think if I had had a few days off straight away I would have coped better instead of bottling it up.

So yeah. Really fucking unreasonable.

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