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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
scarednoob · 09/03/2016 07:39

I wouldn't judge her for it, and would allow working from home. As she is so new, she is probably frightened about breaking down in front of new colleagues whom she doesn't know very well.

Would I do it myself? No, I would be in work. If nothing else, working hard takes your mind off it.

Penfold007 · 09/03/2016 07:40

Grief is a very personal emotion and we all cope differently. 17 year old Pencat became very ill on Sunday and had to be put to sleep on Monday. I was able to work from home that day which meant things could be dealt with, I could be red eyed and puffy faced but I still worked my full hours.

I'm still devastated and 'hear' him miaowing but I'm back in the office and its service as normal. That one day helped me enormously. My DCs can't remember our family without Pencat, it's a huge loss for us.

I would gladly pick up the 'slack' for a grieving work mate.

scarednoob · 09/03/2016 07:41

Pressed post too soon!

But that's just me - everyone is entitled to their own way of dealing with things. So long as it doesn't take the piss and work still gets done to the right standard, let them get on with what they need to do IMHO.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 09/03/2016 07:42

I think annual leave, rather than compassionate leave, is appropriate here.

waitingforgodot · 09/03/2016 07:43

I don't understand why it's annoying you so much OP? Maybe you need to show a bit more compassion instead of judging

Stanky · 09/03/2016 07:45

I had a day off work when my cat died. I'd had him 15 years from a kitten, and he was so loving and friendly. Not like a cat at all. He collapsed around 11pm one night, and I had to rush him to the emergency vets. He died in my arms when I got there. I came home broken hearted, and cried until about 1am. I was due to be in work at 4am, and I did phone in sick. I drive public transport, and it would have been dangerous for me to drive in that state tbh.

originalmavis · 09/03/2016 07:45

Well if she's working at home then it's probably best for her to be there rather than at work upset.

When I was at uni a girl had two weeks off for compassionate reasons for a 'close death'. It was her cat that had died and she went skiing. She was skiving. Not everyone is though.

NoelHeadbands · 09/03/2016 07:47

YABU

I had to WFH after losing my pet last year, there wasn't much choice, I couldn't stop crying for more than a few minutes so it was either that, or take sick leave.

I think at one time I might have been in the 'just a pet' camp but the sudden death of my dog last year floored me in a way I never thought would be possible so I'll never be so quick to judge again

RJnomore1 · 09/03/2016 07:48

I wouldn't judge for it but I would expect annual leave or toil to be used. I would not be signing off compassionate leave, in fact there is no scope for it in our policy. Id be extremely wary of working from home in these circumstances too. However I wouldn't blame someone for having emotions. But they are paid to do a job after all.

Sallystyle · 09/03/2016 07:49

If I was working when my rat died I would have wanted a day off when he died.

I'm sure that will get some internal sniggers but I loved him! He spent more time on me than he did in his cage.

Same for my beautiful dog who was put to sleep not so long ago. I won't talk too much about it here but lets just say when they put him to sleep it didn't go smoothly and his death wasn't pleasant and as well as dealing with him dying I had to keep picturing the whole nasty procedure.

Anyway you have recognised YABU Grin

SuburbanRhonda · 09/03/2016 07:50

Surely she won't need either annual leave or compassionate leave as she's working from home?

If a child's teachers took day off for pet death I do not think I would that sympathetic

What's different about teachers?

pictish · 09/03/2016 07:50

Yabu...I think a day off to come to terms with the death of the family pet is totally ok. What an odd post!

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2016 07:52

I think you're being really harsh. She hasn't even asked for a day off-she's working from home.

People do have really strong feelings about their pets. It doesn't have to be a dog. When I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and went from being a really active, sociable person to a lump stuck on the sofa unable to do anything my pets were a massive source of comfort and company to me. If other people think that's stupid I don't care. When one died last year I was really upset and would have needed a day off work (unpaid would have been fine).

Would you have preferred she came in and was a sobbing mess in the corner? If she's very young and the dog was old the chances are it was a constant present in her life. YABU.

pictish · 09/03/2016 07:53

I've just realised she's not even having a day off...she's just working from home instead. Wtf is your problem?

HortonWho · 09/03/2016 07:53

She's at a new job, she wants to impress and not take the piss, and she has enough intelligence and emotional maturity to ascertain she may not be able to get through her workday without breaking down and having a cry or 10 in her grieving. Recognising how unprofessional this would be and how awkward an atmosphere it would create for the workplace, she's requested to work from home.

But yes, better to make her come in and judge when she has to run to the bathroom and emerges with puffy cried out eyes 10 minutes later. That will be fun for everyone on the team Hmm

StinkyMcgrinky · 09/03/2016 07:54

My beloved cat had to be PTS last year after a short illness. He was 21 (yes, very unusual for a cat) I had had him since I was 7. I took a day off work but luckily had a very understanding manager who had experienced similar when she lost her dog.

She's offered to work from home and isn't asking for compassionate leave, I don't think that's unreasonable and nobody can judge how she's feeling at this very minute.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 09/03/2016 07:54

Sorry Hepzibar - if you tried to hold a dim view of me at a performance review because I needed a bit of leave (the lady in the OP didn't ask for compassionate leave) to deal with the death of a pet you'd have an official grievance raised against your ass before you could sign the sheet!

MackerelOfFact · 09/03/2016 07:54

She's working from home though. Confused People work from home for all sorts of reasons - waiting for a plumber, transport problems, childcare emergencies. It's up to the company what grounds they'll allow staff to work from home for a short period.

FWIW I took a day off when my dog was PTS but I said I was unwell because I didn't want to deal with people thinking 'it's only a dog' . When you lose a pet, there are lots of feelings to work through (especially if it was put to sleep) and it isn't always possible to just get straight back to work immediately.

WaitrosePigeon · 09/03/2016 07:55

Why does it matter that she was very young?

MistressChalk · 09/03/2016 07:55

Would it be more productive for the team to work with someone crying all day? Since you can force her into work but can't force her to stop grieving, that's what you'd be dealing with. I'd think that's more of a distraction and would have thought more work would get done with her working from home where she doesn't have to put herself through crying in front of colleagues which is humiliating.
If she's young also bear in mind she may have grown up with this pet and it could have been a huge part of her childhood, losing that would affect anyone.
There are no prizes for being hard faced and stoic you know....

HackerFucker22 · 09/03/2016 07:56

I had 1.5 days off in the year I went back to work between 2 lots of ML. 0.5 day was because of DC and the other day was because my cat went missing (I actually took the day we found her off as she was injured and ended up having an emergency op)

When she dies I'll be a wreck and I won't be going to work. Bite me

I'd happily take annual leave or even unpaid though. I wouldn't necessarily expect a sick day

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/03/2016 07:56

Well the same would go for a cat too. we had our cat from. a kitten. I helped nurse her as a teen. syringe fed her, gave her medicine, helped look after her kittens.

I was soo upset when she died and I still miss her all these years later. I loved her so much.

dog cat rabbit.. who cares. of they are too upset to work and deal with people In an office then that's understandable. teacher, nurse, neuro surgeon, who cares. .if they aren't fit for work they shouldn't work.

MissGoadyFuckerCuntFace · 09/03/2016 07:57

She is working from home, not having the day off!

I see no problem with that at all.

nightandthelight · 09/03/2016 07:57

I went into work the day after my cat died. Spent the whole day running back and forth to the bathroom to cry my eyes out. My employer gained nothing from me being in.

scarlets · 09/03/2016 07:57

You mention that she's very young and still lives with her family. The chances are that she grew up with that pet.

Be careful about badmouthing her at work. Most colleagues will be sympathetic I suspect, and will view you as a bit of a nasty git even if they don't articulate it.

And she's working from home anyway.

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