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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 09/03/2016 08:27

ignoreme

Yes, the OP has admitted she's BU, but there are still plenty of people on this thread who clearly haven't read the OP and are still banging on about annual leave and compassionate leave, despite the fact the employee will be working at home.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/03/2016 08:29

Like this poster, who says:

I understand everybody deals with grief differently but I also felt a responsibility to my team to go into work.

Completely missing the point that the employee will be working, as her employer allows for working at home.

pictish · 09/03/2016 08:33

I know...she IS working...just from home that's all.

But that asides...we work to live ffs, we don't live to work. This culture of 'work above all else' we seem to harbour is a sack of dehumanising shit.

gabsdot · 09/03/2016 08:33

People deal with grief differently. My boss lost her husband last year and she was back to work after a week. The loss of a pet can be terribly sad for some people
Although it could be abused. After all you only have 2 granny's funerals to attend but you could have a dozen pets.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/03/2016 08:34

But she is working? Confused

CauliflowerBalti · 09/03/2016 08:35

YES pictish

Fratelli · 09/03/2016 08:36

If she can work from home as effectively then I think it's fine. I personally wouldn't because it would affect my service users and my team. I also wouldn't take time off for a pet anyway though. Not judging others for doing so but death is a big part of my sector so possibly see it differently.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 09/03/2016 08:38

Suburban not missing the point actually-I work in retail so it's impossible for me to work from home. Obviously the girl in question is able to but I was recounting my own experience.

ohmywhatamisaying · 09/03/2016 08:40

Hi OP! Ah I see what the problem is here - you appear to lack empathy and compassion. Don't worry, this affects a number of people so you are not alone. Have a cup of Brew and a Biscuit

cremedecacao · 09/03/2016 08:44

YABU, but I know it looks a bit 'funny' when people do this. I bloody love my cats, and when one of mine had a close call earlier this year I struggled to get through the day at work and had to nip to the toilets for a cry a few times. I would be more sad if my either of my cats died than if some of my relatives died to be really, really honest! Blush

slebmum1 · 09/03/2016 08:46

She's working from home though, I can't see the problem.

I have had dogs all my life, and it's devastating when you lose one but I don't think compassionate leave is appropriate. She could take annual leave?

Topseyt · 09/03/2016 08:57

My two dogs and cat are family members to me. All are senior citizens now so I know that this loss is coming in triplicate over the next few years and I hope that the people around me will be empathetic.

I see no problem with this poor girl wanting to work from home for a day or two. She probably just needs the privacy for the initial couple of days.

Cut her some slack.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/03/2016 09:08

Her choice as to what she uses her holiday leave for.

My pet died and I'm quite upset so can I work from home is as a good a reason as my boiler blew up and I need to wait in for the emergency plumber in my view. It's her managers job to ensure that she's actually done some work.

BoffinMum · 09/03/2016 09:14

I would allow short notice leave out of the usual entitlement.

BalloonSlayer · 09/03/2016 09:19

When I started work, "compassionate leave" was leave that was only granted when you absolutely had to take it but had no annual leave left. So if you went to a funeral you took annual leave. I am not sure what happened in the case of a big bereavement where you had a funeral to arrange or just couldn't cope with coming in, but I am still not certain you automatically got given compassionate leave even in those circumstances.

This was a company which absolutely cossetted its staff by the way: massive salaries, company cars at a certain grade, free lunch, free social club etc.

These days people seem to get compassionate leave for any funeral, which is kind of employers of course. In a case where it's a pet I would say that I might very well want to take time off but there is no way on Earth I wouldn't use annual leave.

HopIt · 09/03/2016 09:19

My cat got run over and for 2 days it was touch and go. I went into work, had to go home as I was such a mess. The second day I had to take her to a hospital from the vets, where they carried out extensive rebuilding (think supervet) and I was a mess again.
My boss pulled me into an office (on day 2) and bollocked me. The owner then pulled me into the office and said ignore him, take what you need.

It made a huge difference and I never forgave my boss. I lost her last year, for three days my heart physically ached, I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat. For about 2 weeks the tears didn't stop. They are your best friend, they know all your dirty secrets but still love you. If it was a family pet I'd imagine it saw her through the crappy school days, first crushes, first boyfriends, friend fall outs. It would have been her best friend from girl to woman.
A day of compassion & understanding will go a long way.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/03/2016 09:28

Was all set to wade in - but as you said within 15 minutes of first posting you'll go easy on her (which is probably a record for AIBU!), hope you and the rest of the team manage without her working in the office today.

MartinaJ · 09/03/2016 09:37

When my hamster died, I was sitting at work, crying my eyes out, constantly on the verge of breaking down. Even my manager saw that I'm absolutely useless. Never before would I have believed I'd be grieving for a pet like this, was surprised myself with my own reaction.
You are BU.

Mrscog · 09/03/2016 09:40

As a manager I would expect them to take annual leave/flexi for it all if they didn't normally work from home but would be fully supportive of them doing so.

OnlyLovers · 09/03/2016 09:41

She only had an afternoon off and then she asked to work from home.

I don't like how you've put it in snitty little quote marks. Do you think she was pretending to work?

OttiliaVonBCup · 09/03/2016 09:42

If I were her boss I would have offered her to work from home.
YABU

alltouchedout · 09/03/2016 09:43

When my mum called me to tell me the cat, aged 17, was being pts, I was on a bus with the dc and ended up sobbing. You just never know how grief is going to take you. Be kind, op.

OttiliaVonBCup · 09/03/2016 09:46

The thing is also that grief accumulates.
If she had anything else going on in her life, an earlier bereavement or anything now it's all going to hit her.

MrsEricBana · 09/03/2016 09:46

Ah yes, you need to be a bit kinder here. I howled when one of my pets died and was very shaken and tearful for a couple of days.

BathshebaDarkstone · 09/03/2016 09:47

YABU. Losing a pet's like losing a relative. My ex-boss even offered me the day off when my XP turned up at my office to tell me his DF had died.