Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2016 07:58

If a child's teachers took day off for pet death I do not think I would that sympathetic

What a daft comment. Of all the jobs where you can't take five minutes to go and get yourself together in the toilets teaching has got to up there among msg the top. It doesn't matter what the job is-if you need a day off because you're exhausted from being unable to sleep or still at the point of crying every five minutes or so you need to take a day off.

Twixthecat · 09/03/2016 07:59

When my 19 year old cat died I was really upset. Despite its age it was a shock and not nice situation. It lives with my mum and she was distraught, felt she was somehow to blame (she wasn't). I took time of work to help support her as much as anything.

TBH I called in sick rather than say my cat had died as thought I'd get slated by my horrible boss. It'd have been to work with understanding people I could have told the truth but some people think that because something doesn't upset them it shouldn't affect anyone else either.

Bunbaker · 09/03/2016 08:01

I was really upset when both of our cats died. I was also in the early stages of pregnancy. I still went to work. It didn't occur to me not to. One of my friends asked me how we had got on at the vet and I couldn't speak because I knew I would start crying so I had to email her to tell her that we had had to put the cat to sleep. The other one went three weeks later.

I really loved my cats. They were part of the family, but I got over it.

PurpleDaisies · 09/03/2016 08:02

The half day yesterday could be taken as annual leave surely? I imagine other people in the team have, at some point, had to take last minute, unplanned emergency annual leave?

I think it depends what the culture is in the office. Somewhere I used to work allowed parents to take paid emergency days or half days to sort out their sick children. If that's what happens in her workplace I think a paid half day is appropriate. Some bosses are just nice!

ArgelianArgelian · 09/03/2016 08:03

We had to have DCat PTS in Jan. As it happened I was WFH when we had to rush him to the vet and then make the decision. I call my manager and said I'd be off line but would log in after. At this point I didn't realise we'd be coming home without him.

I also WFH Ttge next day even though I was due to be in the office.

Now my manager doesn't 'do' pets to the point that it's a team joke. So I was too sure of what the reception would be. He was great, very kind and tried to be sympathetic.
To the point that I thanked him later.

And this is what makes him a good manager. He said he still doesn't get it, but that wasn't the point. The point was I was upset, I'm a member of his team and its his job to support me. That I was an adult and if I'd felt that I couldn't face people that was fine, he trusted me to do my job and make clever decisions.

This is why none of the team have complained about working silly hours the last week to meet a deadline and we support him and he supports us.

It makes for a happy team and a pleasant working enviroment.

DaggerEyes · 09/03/2016 08:04

What was the pet you lost op? And what was her pet??

KoalaDownUnder · 09/03/2016 08:04

Ffs, how cruel.

My colleagues have had half days off for children's Christmas concerts, first days at kindy, and on it goes.

There is an awful lot of flexibility granted to parents (in my workplace at least), that is not given to people without children.

I'll be having a full day off when my dog dies, paid or otherwise. Because I'll need it.

Have some compassion.

pictish · 09/03/2016 08:05

YANBU OP I agree totally. I would not be giving compassionate leave for an animal.

If they insisted it would have to be unpaid and I would take a dim view when Performance reviews came around.

Well aint you a peach? Hmm

I don't believe you anyway...you can't give anyone a bad performance review for a day off over the death of a loved pet you horror!

Postchildrenpregranny · 09/03/2016 08:07

I too have lost beloved pets and as previous posters have said she is very young
However I would suggest she takes a days leave I'm afraid
In a lot of organisations you get only 3 days compassionate leave for a close relative

Last year the company my DD works for would not let her take sick leave when she was in deep shock and grief for the end of a long term relationship .There is no way she could have worked from home as she was in bits.But after two days she picked herself up and got on with things Indeed work can be a good distraction in these circumstances.

Part of growing up is learning to deal with the blows life throws at you I'm afraid

stiffstink · 09/03/2016 08:10

Its really not for you to tell anyone how to grieve, nor should you judge whether the loss is worthy of grief.

Cruse Bereavement actually deals with death of a pet in a segment of one of their training courses because the loss can be so significant.

Would it be ok for your colleague to grieve the pet if she was disabled and the pet was an assistance animal? Or if I had been bought for her as a much wanted pet as a child? Or if it had been given to her at some significant time in her life? You say she is young and the pet was old so it has been in her life for most of her life. Maybe she just loved it?! I suppose I'm just interested in the circumstances you would think its ok for her to be so upset OP?

And she's working from home, she isn't skiving.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 09/03/2016 08:10

I lost my beloved cat 18 months ago. It was by far one of the saddest things I've ever experienced-I don't think I'll ever get over it.

That said, I left it at the door and managed to go to work. I understand everybody deals with grief differently but I also felt a responsibility to my team to go into work. Everybody is different though, and I'm from a family where time off work/school is unheard of unless absolutely necessary.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 09/03/2016 08:12

You do realised op even though you admitted to being unreasonable a couple of posts in on Page one you are going to be slaughtered for the rest of the day I reckon it could be a 10page thread

PovertyPain · 09/03/2016 08:12

Part of growing up is learning to deal with the blows life throws at you I'm afraid

Hmm

Part of growing up is learning to have empathy and realising that everyone copes with things in different ways.

Muskateersmummy · 09/03/2016 08:13

She's working from home. She's probably getting lots more done than you imagine as I would be throwing myself into work but she's choosing to do it from home where she can look puffy eyed, have a little cry occasionally in peace and quiet and not being judged.... Oh wait she is being judged! Poor girl can't do right for doing wrong!

It's great you can box off your grief and go into work straight after a much loved pet dies, that works for you. Clearly it doesn't for her.

She's not skiving, she's not taken a day off, she's working in a place where she feels comfortable for today, one day, when she feels pretty miserable. Have some empathy.

jlivingstone · 09/03/2016 08:15

I think I'd give a days unpaid leave or annual holiday but again, wouldn't think too kindly of it.

If they're too upset to come to work then I can;t see them having a productive day working at home.

Of course some people get upset when an animal dies, but it's a pet fgs! I find it weird when people refer to animals as their children/sons/daughters etc and themselves as Mummy or Daddy.

I heard someone once referring to a dog as a brother for their human child. That's just abnormal.

KidLorneRoll · 09/03/2016 08:16

FFS have some compassion. People are close to their pets and if she is young it's likely an animal she has grown up with. It's also likely it's the first time she's had to deal with the death of a loved one.

Additionally, all she did was work from home, she hasn't been requesting paid leave for a funeral or anything.

OliviaStabler · 09/03/2016 08:17

You are being exceptionally unreasonable. I lost my cat and was devastated and took time off work. I am very glad I did not have someone with your attitude on my team. All of my colleagues were supportive as they knew how much he meant to me.

Serenity05 · 09/03/2016 08:18

I got sent home from work a few years ago after my rat died. Yes, rat. I went into work but I was so upset I was useless and after hiding in the loos for ten minutes so I could cry, I was gently told I could take the rest of the day off.

It's one day, have some compassion.

Gazelda · 09/03/2016 08:18

I am missing the 'animal affection' gene. I've never had a pet, nor do I enjoy other peoples'.
But I totally understand why your work colleague is so upset. She has lost a part of her family, her daily life. Of course she is emotionally distraught. And it wouldn't be appopriate for her to bring this in to work. A day working at home will allow her a bit of time to grieve without fear of being judged.

Postchildrenpregranny · 09/03/2016 08:19

If course it is poverty and I dont think my post lacks empathy .I have acknowledged that losing a pet is hard and I wowouldn't expect to her to pay back the half day ..But why is it unreasonable to suggest she takes leave ?
Surely if she is really upset she will find it hard to concentrate,and even harder to concentrate at home .

littleleftie · 09/03/2016 08:20

It doesn't say in OPs posts that this worker has asked for compassionate or paid leave.

She had to go home as she was so upset (unfit to work?) Then she asked to work from home. I imagine this is possible or she wouldn't have asked.

I nearly had a breakdown when my twenty year old cat died that I had had from a kitten. If anyone thinks that is pathetic I could not give a fuck.

Have some compassion eh?

Bunbaker · 09/03/2016 08:21

"If that's what happens in her workplace I think a paid half day is appropriate."

You wouldn't get paid leave for the death of a pet where I work, and I very much doubt you would in any large organisation. At my workplace you only get compassionate leave for a very close relative - a parent, child or partner.

pictish · 09/03/2016 08:22

Of course some people get upset when an animal dies, but it's a pet fgs! I find it weird when people refer to animals as their children/sons/daughters etc and themselves as Mummy or Daddy.

What has this got to do with the normal and appropriate human reaction of grief over the loss of a loved family pet? Why are you equating it with her being weird in some way?

BrideOfWankenstein · 09/03/2016 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/03/2016 08:25

You're complaining about half a day working from home? I thought you were going to say she'd taken the week off!