To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

[ImogenTubbs]

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

kawliga isn't talking bollocks. My DH's clerk waited outside court the day I went into early labour to make sure he knew he had to go straight to the hospital. There was an adjournment the next day with the permission of the judge because our son died. DH was back in court the following Monday.

Having said that I understand people need time when a pet dies. Grief catches up eventually but some people are more resillient than others for some or all of the time. Some careers are not designed for those who aren't resilient. Some people aren't cut out to be the partners of those who are driven and resilient.

Most people are driven in one way or another, Beaufort it's just that that drive isn't always or entirely used for work. And I suspect those who grieve for their pets are more resilient than you realise. Sometimes there's a strength involved in allowing yourself to feel pain.

It's devastating when a pet dies as they are part of the family ...so it's understandable

I didn't have a choice. It was back to work or don't pay my mortgage. I'm insured against a lot, but not time off to grieve for a dead pet. Plus if I had hung around at home, what good would it do? Better to get on and get out doing what needs to be done than wallowing. And if I didn't earn, then my other animals (and the rest of my family) would suffer. I have had to go up the yard with my leg in a cage and carry on as I had no choice. Im comfortably off but not rich enough to pay for endless help or to mooch about at home feeling miserable. That's the price you pay for being an animal owner and family member and being self-employed. Maybe I'm just tougher than the cattle rancher

due to a personal emergency. No idea what it was. Hearing was adjourned

Exactly. You have no idea what it was. He would have been a complete idiot if he told you that the reason was, his pet hamster had died.

In this case, the OP's colleague has revealed that her pet's death is the reason for her absence. That has made her colleagues question whether she had a good reason. That's what this thread is about. Probably she revealed the reason because she thought her reason would be acceptable, but unfortunately in many workplaces pets dying is not an acceptable reason.

With all due respect, Beaufort, that is one barrister (your husband) in one situation.

It is categorically untrue that a barrister, or virtually anyone else, cannot take one day off for grief.

The level of one-upmanship on this thread is unreal.

koala do re-read. I think I was pretty clear that he did take a day off! It is, however, pretty unusual for a case to be adjourned for anything but the most serious of situations and I have heard, over very many years now, of adjournments being refused in relatively serious circumstances. Perhaps it depends on the type of case and the type of court.

The thing about barristers is they are barristers for a reason. They are driven and do not wear their emotions on their sleves. They are not the kind of people who would take time off for the death of a pet. My mother was a barrister. She was driven, sometimes unavailable. She went back to work shortly after a very close and personal death as well. I love my mum to pieces but she lacks soul emotion.

Likewise I know a surgeon whose poodle drowned in his swimming pool. I don't know if he went to work, he probably did but I also know that he was torn up about the dog and it really affected him, he full on cried. He spent one night at ours not speaking to anyone and just pouring affection on our dopey labrador.

Some people are really attached to their pets. It's not a competition. Nags clearly your business has no employees other than you and makes no money unless you are there. Not every self employed person is in that position and you read the reasons he was off? When his horse died he did work, but was really cut up about it. But obviously snakes and dengue would be no problem for you either, perhaps they should send you out to Africa on a "get a grip" campaign.

There is a general assumption from some people that taking time off for the death of a pet is slacking or taking the piss. If someone works hard and well, why would they use a pet death as an excuse to slack off? If they want to slack off, they can just slack off. Also why is it anyone else's decision about what is genuine need? It would be the same as me telling my college last year not to come to work and to go back home and grieve for her stillborn like she's "supposed to" she didn't have to work, she was still on compassionate leave, she needed to. It's no one else's business what other people do, they do what they need to do or what they can cope with doing.

Colleague

koala did you notice that in this discussion we do in fact know the reason for the absence, i.e. that it is because of the death of a pet? In your example you didn't know what the personal emergency was. What would the reaction have been if he said 'actually, the emergency is that my hamster has died and I'm grieving for it'?

Some posters on here are lucky to work in supportive environments and it's nice to read about all the lovely employers out there who give staff time off to grieve over pets, but at the same time the OP itself shows that other employers would not consider that reasonable.

Probably it would also depend on how long you had worked there and how valuable you are to the employer, and on what the pet was (dog or cat or horse is different from hamster or rat or lizard, I would guess).

This thread has descended to absolutely ridiculous rubbish.

First it's a hierarchy of acceptable deaths, now it's a hierarchy of types of pets! I know someone who is really attached to her lizard, posts pictures of him on Facebook and everything. I know she uses M'snet. No doubt she'll come on here soon and tell you that YABU

tomato I do actually think that people's attachment to their pets (or anything else important to them) is a matter for them. People should be able to take time off for whatever is important to them. But telling the employer what the reason is, that's something else altogether because it could result in being fired, unfortunately. Calling in sick is the safest way to go, or just taking time off for personal reasons as everyone is entitled to even if you're just going to have a pj day.

Doing what the person in the OP did is just risky, especially for a new employee who has no unfair dismissal protection.

With my HR hat on all the self cert needs to say and all anyone needs to know is: stress - non work related. That's what I'd ask if advised. Sometimes a hamster dies and a child needs to be managed and I might also know a mother or sister died not long ago and the member ofcstaff who took no time off is at tipping point.

I agree. The less said to the employer, the better, especially for new employees. Taking time off is quite risky anyway when you're new, unless for sickness.

If you are a manager, you clearly have a lot to learn about people.
Compassion and kindness are key leadership qualities. Your display of low emotional intelligence is a disgrace to women in leadership roles.

I'm not sure it's about the reason you need the leave, just that you do. Saying someone "shouldn't" take leave for a pet dying is the same as saying they "shouldn't" take time of with a bug that's going around because other people were able to work when they had that bug. Or person X "shouldn't" be able to go off with stress because person You is under the same stress and if fine.

If you work with a supportive employer and feel you need the time off why "shouldn't" you take it?

ZOMBIE THREAD

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!!

ZOMBIE THREAD PEOPLE!!!

I don't have pets but I totally get this!

YABU.

OP, what a horrible post. i'm glad you've been pulled up on it. i'm glad you're not my manager.

she's working from home, not off, and you had the chance to say if it was going to impact business activities (and it's presumably your responsibility if she then says she wants to take a day's emergency annual leave as she's not fit to work, and your problem to find cover or juggle her commitments).

what a horrible, unprofessional, cold hearted post.

oh - zombie thread!

I'm sad but not surprised at some people's reactions to this topic.

Personally, I am very lucky to work with people who understand just how big a part of our lives our pets are. One of my cats was run over about 6 weeks ago, and when I got a call at work to let me know, my manager told me to go home and not come back to work until I felt ready. This was happened on a Wednesday and I already had the following day booked as holiday, but I ended not coming back to work until Monday. My manager was fully supportive and even insisted that I worked from home the following week if I felt I needed it.

Since then we have adopted a kitten (we weren't planning to, but like with all our cats it was a cat in need and we were in a position to help), and my manager insisted I worked from home for at least the first week so I could spend time with her. I realise I am very, very lucky in working with someone who knows that pets are family and any bereavement should be treated as a serious matter.