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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 12:26

I guess he should probably toughen up though, still the wimp runs his farm so well he can take a few days here and there and nothing falls apart

Grin

yes quite frankly if the only thing that's memorable about you or that you have going fir you is your attendance then you have problems beyond a day off.

I mean for many many jobs if things fall apart or are such a struggle without yku then either

:- the company (or you ) need to look at staffing

:- someone's really shit at the training

:- the staff are really shit and need re training or firing

:- or the manager is one of those people who deliberately make themselves indispensable by deliberately not showing people certain aspects of the job

in which case you have to ask why

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 12:30

amd of course none of that should be the problem of the poor bugger who needs a day off.

Gabilan · 11/03/2016 17:23

Ha. People are evidently not self employed. My horse died on the gallops with me. Next day, back to work, even though I needed anti depressants to get me through 6 months of intense grief. People need to toughen up

I've been self-employed, though not in a physical job. I took very little time off BUT that was because I didn't need it at the time, not because I was ill and battled through. I also found that because I was able to stick to my natural body clock, I was healthier. I didn't get up in the dark in winter although I would work on into the evening. If I felt a bit ill, I'd sleep it off but I would still be putting in full-time hours over the course of a month.

Now I'm in a job I enjoy, I have very little time off sick because I'm not stressed and ill. It was different when I worked for an incredibly nepotistic and badly-managed company.

And IME, if I take that time off earlier, I help to avoid that 6 months of being on antidepressants. I would politely suggest, Nags that perhaps going straight back to work and being tough was not actually the best thing for you in the long run.

People have spoken on here about the unprofessionalism of taking time off. However, to my way of thinking, a professionally-run organisation builds in time for staff to be away whether that's for sickness, grief, childcare or whatever it is they need to do to have a good work-life balance. If you treat people with respect, instead of assuming they're work shy and will skive at the first opportunity, they tend to respond by working harder. And if you are professional, you'll organise your time and work patterns so that actually if you get hit by the proverbial bus, things will carry on. Or indeed if you just need a day off to cry, nothing will go hideously wrong because you're organised and build some slack into the system.

Pipbin · 11/03/2016 18:07

My horse died on the gallops with me. Next day, back to work, even though I needed anti depressants to get me through 6 months of intense grief. People need to toughen up

So 6 months of being on drugs is better than a day off? If you need to take anti depressants then you are in no state to tell people to 'toughen up'.

As has been said before work is not the only thing in life.

kawliga · 11/03/2016 18:37

It depends on what is at stake if they don't turn up for work. The surgeon and barrister examples don't work. If a surgeon doesn't turn up a patient could die. If a barrister doesn't turn up a family could lose their home, a client could lose millions of pounds, etc. That's why these professionals turn up even when their pet hamster dies. It would be unthinkable in some jobs not to turn up because of a dead pet (in some jobs only your OWN actual death would be a sufficient reason for not turning up).

OP said this person works in a team. It's different if the team can/can't function without this person in the office. If they can, then YABVVU. If they can't, then YANBU.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 18:45

But people do get sick.

too sick to work.

there has to he a plan b. there's always the chance someone gets into an accident or is throwing up and cant work.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 18:46

equally a surgeon could he delayed in an actual surgery....

sweetkitty · 11/03/2016 18:49

Poor wee DD2 had to have a day off school when her lizard died she was distraught

wtffgs · 11/03/2016 18:52

My cats mean a great deal to me. I describe wtfgirlcat as my best friend. Blush I've had her for 16 years. I wouldn't dream of taking leave.

I worked with someone years ago who took two days off after her cat was PTS and then bounced back to work beaming, saying fake tan had made her feel better Hmm

kawliga · 11/03/2016 19:03

equally a surgeon could he delayed in an actual surgery....

of course, but if he said 'my pet hamster died, that's why I'm not coming' I don't think it would bode well for his career.

Teams should be able to function if one person is unable to come to work, but if the person says that the reason they can't come is a dead pet that won't fly for some workplaces. Depends on where you work.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 19:16

turning up in pieces and incapable won't work either though will it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 19:16

besides they should just phone in sick. what's wrong with them.is no one's business

kawliga · 11/03/2016 19:26

besides they should just phone in sick. what's wrong with them.is no one's business

This I completely agree with. It's odd, but phoning in sick is acceptable, while phoning in to say the truth 'I can't come to work because my boyfriend dumped me and I'm in floods of tears' would not be acceptable.

Some people suffer the same grief from being dumped as someone else from the death of a pet. Everyone has something that would tip them into despair that other people wouldn't understand.

If OP's colleague had just phoned in sick we wouldn't be on here debating the value of pets.

HortonWho · 11/03/2016 19:43

No, you don't lose your house or millions because the barrister doesn't show up. The court date just gets moved. Just like if you became ill and was raced to a&e. And the patient dying? In what movie is there only ONE super surgeon performing operations no other can?

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 19:53

Yes it is odd.

if the physical symptoms have manifested themselves to the point of the person is incapable of working then makes no difference what's behind it really.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 19:55

And I completely agree that spending months on medication rather than just take omg a couple of days of is not heroic. it's bloody stupid.

kawliga · 11/03/2016 20:33

No, you don't lose your house or millions because the barrister doesn't show up. The court date just gets moved. Just like if you became ill and was raced to a&e. And the patient dying? In what movie is there only ONE super surgeon performing operations no other can?

If a barrister said to chambers 'well, you can just move the court date' that would actually be worse for their career! It is a competitive career - do you think the clerks will be handing out more cases to a barrister who stayed home to cry over a pet because after al they can just move the court date? No.

Every hospital has a plan B (of course!) but that doesn't mean the surgeon would be held in a good light if he said 'my hamster is dead, I'm at home crying, you need to roll out your plan B'. Plan B costs the hospital money.

If you work in a place where it's ok to stay home over such things you are VERY lucky. Many people would be fired. Not everyone has the luxury of having employers who care about their lonely soul. And many people struggle to find work, where there is somebody waiting to take the job if they want to stay home and cry. So they just have to get on with it.

orangeyellowgreen · 11/03/2016 20:36

I was told off and lost a day's pay for taking the day off after a miscarriage. That was years ago. Last year I was taken home by a sympathetic boss as I was crying after losing a beloved old cat. Our pets are members of our families.

HortonWho · 11/03/2016 20:53

Taking time off affecting your career? Maybe. Patient death, loosing one's home or millions because you don't show up to work? No.

HortonWho · 11/03/2016 20:54

*losing.

Gabilan · 11/03/2016 21:12

I've taken annual leave at short notice because the saddler's coming out, never mind anything else. I'm fortunate to work for an organisation that assesses productivity rather than activity. I get my job done. I work evenings and weekends. I cover at short notice, do things outside my JD if they're reasonable and generally put myself out. The quid pro qho is that I can take short notice annual leave. One of my colleagues took a couple of days off when her horse died and everyone I spoke to was sympathetic. No-one talked about firing. She's great at her job so why would they?

KoalaDownUnder · 11/03/2016 21:13

Oh ffs, kawliga, you're being ridiculous.

Obviously a barrister wouldn't phone up the court, or a surgeon the hospital, and say 'My pet hamster has died'. Confused

I'm a lawyer. One of the barristers we'd briefed couldn't make it into court last week due to a personal emergency. No idea what it was. Hearing was adjourned. shrugs. Not ideal, but shit happens.

As for 'employers who care about their lonely soul' - wtf? Hmm

I'm normally not this rude on mn, but you're talking bollocks.

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 22:36

What is wrong with all these people anyway. being so judgemental and angry and unfair about things completely out of their employees control.

people can not help how they feel.when pets die, or how long broken bones have them.out of a ton or whether they are stuck to toilets puking.

yet we seem to have become a society who forgets all the times someone stayed late or cake in on a day off or gave up their holiday, came in and bailed a person out and was uo til midnight sorting out someone else's mess etc

instead we have mental charts of acceptable reasons to have a sodding day off

Wtf is that shit huh?

people are now hauled into meetings despite their bosses knowing they just had surgery and that's why they were off.

god forbid an accident holds up your bus and you are late. let's mark you down for that too.

just because previously you hired a bunch of idiots who hit pissed on a Friday and we're too hungover to work Saturday morning, every week, don't take it out on otherwise productive, hard working and reliable staff by refusing time.off for drs appointments or because their best friend if 15 years died

Gileswithachainsaw · 11/03/2016 22:43

if you don't trust your staff to turn up or do their work or to make a reasonable judgement on whether something requires a day off or not, then why the hell are they there?

FlyingRussianUnicorn · 11/03/2016 22:46

I had a dog a few years ago OP. I was going through a really shit time with my MH at the time. When he was run over, i was that devastated I contemplated suicide.

Your a twat. I hope your co worker realises that