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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
Janeymoo50 · 10/03/2016 07:53

I would just add that losing my cat as awful as it was, just awful, was nowhere near the same as how I felt holding my elderly mums hand, kissing her forehead as she died. It is not the same.

Questionsagaintoday · 10/03/2016 07:57

Reading these accounts of pet bereavement here just convinces me over and again how awful it is. And unlike any other bereavement for which there is recognised institutional leave and immediate social support - this is a big hit and miss with pets.

My mother who lives alone now - when she lost her only living breathing companion her dog - was derided by every colleague abs definitely not given an hour off

When my close friend long time single severe mental health issues lost a rabbit of many years and many adventures she was told its vermin

Why compare with kids or humans? Let it be. Just let people grieve and be.

PurpleDaisies · 10/03/2016 07:58

Sorry for your loss janey.

I can't see anyone saying when a pet died it was the same as a close relative that they loved very much dying.

To be totally honest, I was more upset at losing a pet than an uncle I hardly saw dying. I would obviously never say this in real life.

Questionsagaintoday · 10/03/2016 08:01

She every individual has a different life story different circumstances different relationships and therefore very different rapports with their pets.

So if pet bereavement means X to Jane and is less to Jane than losing a particular human that's perfectly valid and reflects janes life and relationships .

Equally if it means Y to Robert and means more to Robert than when he lost an estranged parent then so be it!!!!!!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 10/03/2016 08:10

I wish I'd have had the option to work from home when our dog died. It would've been better crying in the privacy of my own home than bursting in to floods of tears in front of my colleagues, some of which were lovely and some who probably thought I was pathetic crying over the death of a dog. Those are the kind of people I don't choose to be around. So I think that girl did the right thing. Good on her.

Iggypoppie · 10/03/2016 08:10

Research shows that valuing animals and linked with also valuing people www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-dogs-go-heaven/201212/valuing-animals-and-valuing-people

So the OP proves the hypothesis (and fails on both counts!).

Iggypoppie · 10/03/2016 08:11

*is linked

OttiliaVonBCup · 10/03/2016 08:27

Let's be fair to OP.

She did come back, agreed snd was ok with it.

tweezers · 10/03/2016 08:37

She lives at home with her parents. Perhaps she had be there to support one of them. People can be put under a lot of pressure sometimes without wanting to give out every detail. Sometimes it's more than just a pet dying. When people have been bereaved or have suffered in some way, something like that brings it all back, if not for her then perhaps for her parents. She offered to work from home for the half day, that really doesn't sound unreasonable. She's probably well aware of your feelings on the subject. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, treat her situation with a bit of respect.. who knows when you might need that yourself someday?

Gilla01 · 10/03/2016 08:43

Most companies have strict guidelines that PR adheres to for time off work. I've never worked for a company that allows compassionate leave for animals, most won't even give it for step-relatives, aunts or uncles.

squeak10 · 10/03/2016 08:44

Would hate to work for you. URBVU. She is working at home. Get some compassion. What do you do if one of your teams dc is ill? Do they get to work from home?

Typist1967 · 10/03/2016 08:53

I know that my goldfish love me. I just know. It's mutual. But, were I to come and him (or her, who knows?) floating languidly on the surface if the bowl glassy-eyed in death, I'm not sure it'd warrant a day off work. Similarly, my mum was very upset when her tortoises vanished into the garden border never to be see again. A cold-hearted former civil servant she battled on. Death affects everyone differently I suppose.

andadietcoke · 10/03/2016 08:53

I gave one of my team members time off after her dog died, because she was devastated, but also her surviving dog was quite traumatised. She worked from home when she could. I was fine with that, she appreciated the concern, you should perhaps appreciate that you work somewhere so considerate and that the same consideration would be afforded to you if you needed it.

dingit · 10/03/2016 09:01

Matthew Wright is talking about this this morning. Obviously letting mumsnet do his research again Smile

BippityBoppityBullshit · 10/03/2016 09:04

Guess what they are discussing on 'The Shite Stuff' later Hmm

waves at researchers

My dog ran off when i waas at work one day, my mum rang me distraught, i popped home (15 mins out the office max) with permission from a superior. The next day my boss called me in and roundly bollocked me, despite the fact i was clearly distraught my dog had been found run over. The total lack of compassion when i so often went above and beyond my remit was the point i decided i no longer gave a shit. I left shortly after.

So YABU, in all likelihood she wouldn't have been much use yesterday, and may find herself embarrasssed at bursting into tears yesterday. Some understanding now will likely be paid back tenfold in extra effort over time.

londonrach · 10/03/2016 09:07

My mum covered a teacher at school who dog had died. She through the school was being a kind and saw nothing wrong with it. This lady lived alone with just her dog so of course she was upset. I think yabu as you dont own grief. It effects/affects everyone differently and a dog, cat etc is a member of the family. Hope your work colleague is ok.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 10/03/2016 09:08

Matthew Wright is such a loser. Does he not have any original ideas?

MistressDeeCee · 10/03/2016 09:09

BurningBridges Flowers

MsMommie · 10/03/2016 09:13

I didn't get compassionate leave for a Late miscarriage that left me in agony (physically, emotionally, mentally) for a while.
So I'm not surprised people are so heartless.
Yes, I think you're being unreasonable

MaryRobinson · 10/03/2016 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutecat78 · 10/03/2016 09:33

Hmmmm - anyone watching TWS?!

Cutecat78 · 10/03/2016 09:34

Oh yes clearly Grin

DreamingofItaly · 10/03/2016 09:35

I lost my dog of 13 years last summer, I got him at 8 weeks old. Just writing this makes my eyes fill with tears as I think of him. My boy was everything to me and when we had to make the crushing decision to let him go it was the hardest thing to do and still hurts, but it was the right thing. I took some time, fortunately I work from home 3 days out of 5 and dictate my hours so it's easier for me.

Everyone grieves differently. A friend of mine (who was never fortunate enough to be blessed with children) had to seek grief counselling after the loss of her dog and my dad said losing his dog was harder than losing his mum (he saw the dog every day, loved and cared for him, his mother lived many miles away so was a couple of times a year visit).

IMHO, when an animal has been in your life for many, many years, the loss is a physical thing. It hurts deeply. Cut her some slack.

GreyAndGoldInTheMeadow · 10/03/2016 10:54

MW didn't even use a quote from this thread, but dug up one from 2012 (posted by BupcakesAndCunting, not sure they aught to have her name on screen this time of the morning either, but serves them right if they get complaints). TWS scraping the barrel yet again.

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/03/2016 10:57

He just seems out to make a mockery of peopleAngry

It's very real to people. this thread managed to bring tears to my eyes as it made me think even more about my cat who I still miss terribly.

he clearly has no idea about how people can feel with his stupid comment re gold fish and horses

again, I'd take a pet over a person like that in my life any day