To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

[ImogenTubbs]

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

What's with this fucking animals aren't people thing?!

Quite frankly it's the difference between how you react when someone tells you they buried their daughter two weeks ago as opposed to what you say when it is their dog. If you go on the bereaved parents thread and say "I believe the grief of a losing a baby and fur baby are commensurate" then you would (a) have your post deleted (b) be told to stop trolling and (c) hopefully banned.

I agree Mary Robinson.

3 days off for the death of a cat? I'm appalled. That is seriously unprofessional.

What's the point of this thread anymore?

One set of People are detailing with human and animal examples how grief cannot be put into hierarchies and how experiences of grief hugely vary by context and how our work usually creates space for our lives.

Others are insisting that grief beyond a set point for an animal is OTT. And how it's incomprehensible and indeed incorrect.

Okay, so that's that then. thread goes on with more scathing versions of above

My friend recently lost her dog. She said that before she had a dog, she didn't 'get' people being so upset when they died. Then she got hers and used to say she did 'get it.' When her dog actually died, she realised that she hadn't 'got it' previously at all and was beyond devastated. I'd have said she was quite a rational, 'together' sort of 'get-on-with-it' coper in life generally, but she was a snotty mess every time I spoke to her for weeks.

I have no idea what I'll do when my dog goes. Unfortunately, I'm a teacher, so it sounds like I'm not allowed to be that upset, and will have to soldier on in the classroom in front of the kids, snot and all.

Clam for me personally it varied. One dog died relatively young. The grief (and guilt) overwhelmed me. However, my other two dogs died relatively peacefully in their teens and I coped better. I think knowing they'd had their natural lifespan to the full made it easier. I got to the stage where I was greatful for the time I'd had with them and could celebrate them relatively quickly.

Well, in my friend's case, her dog was only 7 and it was all very quick. Seemed right as rain in the morning, and by teatime they were having to make the decision to have her put down. Maybe shock played a part in her grief.

My beloved cat was run over and killed on Monday evening. I went to work Tuesday morning but quite frankly was no use to man or beast. Happily my colleagues and line manager were lovely (even though most of them "didn't get it") and either tactfully ignored my red eyes and frequent trips to the loo or a cry or let me endlessly talk about what had happened and how sad and shocked I was. Tbh I probably should have taken a days leave but have a term time contract so don't have that option.

Having read this thread I realise how lucky I am to work with such an understanding team.

Surely grief can be classed as MH?

Sorry about your puss. Been there.

YABVU... I absolutely adore my cat - I'll take a day off - animals are a part of the family! If you don't view them in that way, you shouldn't have them...

Clam I think under those circumstances you mourn both for the loss of the pet and the loss of the extra years you feel you should have had with them. It's a possible future that's gone too.

I've already warned my boss that I'll have to take a day off work when my dog dies. Annual leave at short notice of course, I wouldn't expect anything else. There is no way I'd be ok to go in, I'd need a day just to cry, then I know I'll be okay.

I think yabu.

This was a topic on the wright stuff because it was in the paper.
Either you posted the story or you are making up stuff based off the bewspaper

Newspaper

Well given the number of people who've experienced the death of a pet, it's possible this happened. Not being naive, just putting it out there. It's a common situation.

I am not an animal person at all but I would not begrudge time off for someone who is grieving over a pet.
I did have some pets as a child and the one that hit me the most was the death of a little grey goldfish. I had got him from the fair the day before. I picked him because he looked ill and sad. We put him in a big tank and fed him. The next day he died.
I would like to think I gave that little fish a chance to be happy in its last hours in a big tank with food rather then a little bag on a fairground.

this is such a horrible thread . there have been a lot of competitive grief threads recently

I blame January, everyone dies in January

Ha. People are evidently not self employed. My horse died on the gallops with me. Next day, back to work, even though I needed anti depressants to get me through 6 months of intense grief. People need to toughen up. I've had to go to work with a torn mcl, a broken hand, refuse surgery because I had to keep working. Now I have a lectureship at uni, they tell me I can take time off for all sorts of minor things but I just can't bring myself to be so indulgent.

I am self employed. I've taken afternoons for emergency vet treatment and a day after I was up all night with a sick pet.

I don't know why people are continuing to insist everyone should deal with grief in the same way.

PurpleDaisies, I hope your pet will be ok.

I agree, everyone deals with grief differently - some of the comments on here are shocking.

Why the fuck do people think it's a point of pride to never take a day off for a mental health crisis?

Because that's what grief is. The reason doesn't really matter; if you're too upset to get through the day without bawling in front of clients, you should be at home.

If you (general) can hold yourself together well enough after the death of a pet to not be at work, bully for you. I'm not going to cry in front of colleagues all day.

Bloody hate this thread. Glad I don't work for (or with) some of you!

Thanks koala it was a few weeks ago and he has now made a full recovery (it was a chest infection and some dental issues). The little pest had us very worried though!

Oops, wrong poster. Thanks toxicity and I agree totally with your post koala.

I know, the worry they cause us! I am so pleased they are fine now though

YYY to your entire post Koala!

Ha. People are evidently not self employed. People need to toughen up

my husbands a South American cattle rancher, that tough enough? He came off his motorbike and damaged his colar bone. He didn't work then. When he was bitten by a snake he took a few days off too, likewise he caught dengue and ended up in bed for a week. I guess he should probably toughen up though, still the wimp runs his farm so well he can take a few days here and there and nothing falls apart!