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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

404 replies

ImogenTubbs · 09/03/2016 07:16

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

OP posts:
heron98 · 10/03/2016 11:05

My colleague took 3 days compassionate leave when her cat died. I thought this was taking the piss to be honest.

Toxicity · 10/03/2016 11:32

Why was it taking the piss heron98? Maybe she was in a real state about it?

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/03/2016 11:35

People do realise also that if a pet is sick and needs nursing at home we do have a duty of care to that pet. that people can he prosecuted fir neglect, and not giving medication or being there to look after your pet wheb needed is neglect! !!

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2016 11:37

TWS researchers are a lazy bunch.

tomatodizzy · 10/03/2016 11:46

My husband is a farmer. He has seen many many animals born and die, has even killed a fair few. He is tough, he is strong but when his horse died last year he grieved. He got the horse from his grandfather's farm and she was the horse he rode as a child. She was old but she had been his life a long time. You can't compare grief, every relationship is different and just because one might mean more to you than another it doesn't mean that they didn't mean something to you. The whole attitude of "someone always has it worse" or 'imagine if it was a child" is pathetic, it's like the whole 'first world problem' shit that people keep coming up with. It's not a fucking misery competition. This thread has rattled me, I will go away and calm down eat some chocolate and hug my dog.

Questionsagaintoday · 10/03/2016 11:57

See this is what I do not get. Why compare grief? "Grief for a X" or "grief for a Y" is not an established pre defined category. It depends on you, your life, the people in it, the relationships you have.

Otherwise there would simply be a linear hierarchy of grief and we as humans would plot neatly in to that hierarchy and whenever someone died - bingo - we'd know exactly where that grief ranks.

My grandmother raised me. When she died my entire world fell apart. I called her Mamma from birth - my mum left when I was a teen. But because she was a grandmother that died people's responses were get different than if I had said my mum had died even though - my mum to me means nothing comparable to my Gran. A friend whose best ever friend was her mum lost her mum to cancer and spent many months telling me how her grief was worse than mine. Because she had a hierarchy in her head. Mum. Means. More. Than. Gran. But it isn't generalisable is it. For me it wasn't

Then shortly after that my childhood pet died. That grief was also inexplicable. Different from my gran. I had looked after this dog from when she could toddle about. When she died somethings in me grew up and changed. Absolutely nobody got that grief - and I often compare these two griefs happenin at the same time one for a human that looked after me the other for a pet that I looked after - both an integral part of growing up as I knew it- both gone at the same time - I overnight grew up. Which part of the grief was about gran And feeling unprotected in this world? Which part was about Ddog and feeling like my best mate would never greet me in this world? Who knows.

kali110 · 10/03/2016 12:09

Op glad to read your last post! Sure she will really appreciate your kindness!

heron98 really?? Wow do you always show this much compassion?

Greyhorses same with my two cats. Had bad few years with my health and they give me reason to get up. The one comes to the door when i get in and comes when i call Grin at night they're both curled up next to me.

LovelyFriend · 10/03/2016 12:16

There does seem to be this widespread view on MN that the very worst thing you can do if you are employed is have a day off work, if you are not personally at deaths door.

Many of us will be working most, if not all of our adult lives.
Days off happen for many reasons and this is OK.
It's part of the life/work balance.
We are not all slaves to the system.

Our employers cope admirably.

blublutoo · 10/03/2016 12:39

Only read page one. Can't believe the amount of people who think you're being unreasonable. I didn't even take a day off when my grandmother died (except for funeral). Of course I was very very sad but if I don't go to work then I let a lot of peopke down, so while I'm well enough to work, then I will go in. Having a pet die is sad, but I don't think it warrants a day off.

Carole178 · 10/03/2016 12:54

If a beloved pet dies it's a huge bereavement, I would take time off, in fact I did some years ago when my dog died, I was totally bereaved and not fit to work!

tomatodizzy · 10/03/2016 13:30

blublutoo I think you should read on. Everyone is different, everyone's jobs are different and everyone handles life and death completely differently. The OP has already said she may not feel the same way as her employee but she can sympathise with her. If someone works very hard and says they need time off, then they need time off. I have likewise known people that worked after losing a relative. They didn't need to do that, but I didn't question them or ask them if they wanted to go home or think they were harsh and not grieving properly. People do what they need to do and what they can cope with doing.

MistressDeeCee · 10/03/2016 13:42

Im surprised that for quite a few people, work is the be all and end all. As if pride is taken in not having a day off. We are not machines and its quite sad to be a slave to the system in such a way. There is far more to life. Were you to become indisposed, or die, the company would not fold and you would be replaced. Now we have the "grief police" who want to ascertain people's levels of grief and who/what they should grieve about, and think because they don't take time off for bereavement its a badge of honour. There's a ridiculousness in that I don't think even resonates with some people.

CheeseAtFourpence · 10/03/2016 13:46

When my rabbit died inexpectedly I went into work very upset. They sent me home and then bought me flowers.

baggyleggings · 10/03/2016 14:07

AIBU to complain about someone else working from home for the day when I'm on MN at 16.13 in the afternoon? Yes.
Does colleague deserve some compassion?Yes.
Hopefully you've got the point by now...

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/03/2016 14:14

There is far more to life. Were you to become indisposed, or die, the company would not fold and you would be replaced

precisely.

god it must irritate people when someone who's dared to have a day off, is still flavour of the month over them Hmm

kali110 · 10/03/2016 17:11

MistressDeeCee yes to all your post.

WhatamessIgotinto · 10/03/2016 17:39

God the lack of empathy from some is horrible. In my last job, I had to send a member of my team home because she had come to work absolutely devastated about the death of her dog. She was so heartbroken, she needed to be at home with her mum.

Narp · 10/03/2016 17:42

My cat is 20. I know when she dies I will be very upset. If needs be, though, I'd probably phone in sick rather than possibly face the judgment of those who don't understand

Gabilan · 10/03/2016 17:54

Compassionate leave for a pet?! Fuck me that's a joke. I've stood in a classroom and gulped back tears before now having had to have a cat put down at 8am and gone in. I get paid to do my job, not sob over a pet

This thread reminds me of the Yorkshiremen sketch. I see your dead cat and I raise you: my entire family died in a tsunami but 3 seconds later I was performing rocket science because my country needed me.

And then it oscillates to: 3 days off for a horse? I cried for a month over a gerbil and spend 12 months in mourning weeds each time a member of my ant colony passes away.

For the record, when anyone, human or animal has passed away, I've only ever taken unpaid leave or annual leave. If I worked somewhere that offered compassionate leave I might take it, if my request was within the remit of the company's policy. However, I have taken the leave I've needed because I have found after long experience that illness, injury and grief take longer to recover from if you don't take the time you need, if you need it, right at the start. Far better to spend a day in bed, or whatever, than 3 weeks performing below par and snapping at everyone because you aren't healed.

A few weeks into my Masters course my dog died. She was a few days short of her 9th birthday. I won't describe how it felt < waves at researchers >. I took 5 days off, 2 of which were over the weekend. Fortunately the university realised that I wasn't taking the mickey, but that I couldn't function. I went on to get a distinction, including some of the highest grades ever attained on that course.

Work pay me to work. They have not bought my soul. I will take time off when I need it but I'll still manage to do the job I'm paid for, and do it well.

EastMidsMummy · 10/03/2016 19:04

My parents cut down the old oak tree in their garden today. I played under it, climbed it, swung from it, even had my first kiss pressed up against it.

How much time can I have off work?

Gabilan · 10/03/2016 19:14

You can have a coffee break Eastmids but only if you produce documented evidence of your relationship with the tree, its role in your life and its demise. In triplicate and signed by the queen. And a certificate from your GP saying you're stressed. Evidence that Nessie exists is optional

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/03/2016 19:19

You are so, so, funny.

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2016 19:21

This thread Hmm

Gabilan · 10/03/2016 19:31

Well I would take it seriously but we went down the rabbit hole and accelerated downwards somewhere on page 2.

And I'm afraid black humour is often my coping mechanism. That and Wine may have been drunk.

ExitPursuedByABear · 10/03/2016 19:35

ODFOD