to consider lending this money?

[metalmickie]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

Never in a million years. There are legions of women who have "loaned" money in those circumstances never to see it again.

It sounds as if he has quite a good spiel going on why he is in debt (they always have a "good" or plausible reason like "ooh, needed car to see the kids") and why he NEEDS to buy a house now ("why throw away money on rent/home prices rising/blah blah") when the bottom line is they are incapable of living within their means and always have an eyeball on the next thing they "NEED."

I could not respect a man who tried to cadge money off me, legal agreement or no legal agreement. (Just because you have a piece of paper in place doesn't mean he'll stump up the money to pay you back.) And unless it were for something like life-saving medical treatment, not interested in someone with big debt either. It just isn't the sort of person I'd want to be with.

As others have said, you should never have told him you have such savings. If he truly cared about you he would be saying "Don't even DREAM of offering your hard-won cash. Preserve your precious nest egg; I'll figure out my own situation!"

Have a look on moneysavingexpert about loans to friends and family. Make sure you understand what protection 'drawing up an agreement' gives you? You are mistaken if you think it will guarantee you getting the money back.

If you are determined to do this I would look at buying the house with him so that you retain something tangible with your money.

However perfect your relationship is then you must still understand that a 2 year relationship is still very new.

OP, I'm a little puzzled at £60k debt when on minimum wage
Can you get those high credit limits while on minimum wage?

Also, I think it's key to know how he spent it.

He has to rent for a while. Doesn't matter. Please don't lend him money. You will not get it back.

No, I wouldn't do it. I think he's going to be in debt for years and would struggle to pay you back. How would it work - he'd never be able to pay for holidays and meals out with you, because his money is tied up paying you / credit cards back? Would you be happy with that for quite a long time?

It just doesn't make sense to me. In a solid and committed relationship, you share money, you don't lend. This isn't one. If you're not bothered about living together for at least 3 years, I just don't think either of you are very committed, and if you broke up, it would be a nightmare.

In this kind of case where it's unequal in how much money you each have, IMO the richer partner pays more and is happy to do so because you're a couple. This is fine once living together (one person pays more of the rent / mortgage) but I don't think lending is a good idea.

He pays £1250 per month in rent alone?

Can't he find somewhere cheaper? This new car of his would enable him to commute from a cheaper area surely?

OP: Is this a good idea?

Everybody: NO!

OP: But he's such a nice chap

Everybody: Not the point

OP: But this way he can avoid wasting £££ per year by risking my ££££££

Everybody: Really bad idea. DON'T DO IT!!

OP: But he needs to make £400k to make things fair and anyway MAGIC BEANS!!!

(I actually feel a bit weak kneed with worry for you OP. Your responses make no financial sense.)

Helping him to incur 40k of cc debt is not a kindness.

I just saw the bit about the will.

OK, in the first place, anyone who has children and doesn't have a will in place to protect them (not just bequest but guardianship issues, etc.) is not a mature or financially savvy/stable person.

Secondly - come on! "My kids are going to inherit a million so, my love, I will leave all my worldly goods to you. I promise! You can't lose! " Sounds like a confidence man!

OP, ask him to pull his credit report going back to age 18 and show you what all is on there. As others have said, if the banks don't think he is a good risk why on earth would you?

I don't think anyone is implying that he got together with you to get the money, but that doesn't mean that in 3-4 years you'll still be together. Or that faced with the enormity of the debt he doesn't think it'll just be easier to leave you... or anything like that.

Is there a reason why you wouldn't buy the house with him instead? You could go on the deeds, ring fence your deposit and then you'll have an interest in the property.

Or why don't YOU buy the house and then he can "rent" it from you?

OP, ask him to pull his credit report going back to age 18 and show you what all is on there

That's a really good idea (although they only go back six years).

No point in you lending it.

Whether you do this >> "We were thinking of drawing up an agreement for him to repay the money within X no of days.", or whether you have a solicitor draw up a cast iron agreement (and I'd certainly go for the latter), you will have created another debt ... which will be viewed by his mortgage company in exactly the same way as his existing debt.

Nor should you consider making a private arrangement, even if you only expect it to exist for a few days, without telling the mortgage company. Asides from the fact that it would be fraudulent (not to declare the debt to the mortgage company) what would you do if something happened to him in those few days. Your money could be unrecoverable (by you).

His family aren't wealthy at all, that's his DC's mums side.

He has a car, but it's essential to his job so he couldn't sell it.

We won't ever be living in the house he buys. He wants to buy a 3 bed, which he can just about afford a very small one if he had another £20k, as then he could get a £200k mortgage. Without the £20k, he could only get a mortgage of about £160k, which would only buy a flat too small for him and DC. I live in a much bigger house which I own almost outright.

When he originally rented his current house, he went for the cheapest property he could find that had enough bedrooms, some outside space etc. Unfortunately in that area, rental prices are very high (as there are a fairly small no of rented houses, demand/supply etc).

What would I get out of it? Helping another person. The money at present isn't doing much, I get a miniscule amount of interest. I don't need it imminently.

That said, it has taken me a long time to build up. I could afford to be without it in the short term, but I couldn't afford to lose it - or indeed risk losing it. I wonder whether if I bought 10% of his house, so I owned 10% and he had a mortgage for the balance, if that would work? I don't think he'd default on the mortgage, he's never defaulted on a loan previously (I know this because he was showing me his credit score - better than mine! - and explained it's because he's never had a late payment etc).

Don't do it! It's your money that you have worked hard for. Keep a tight hold of it as you may well need it yourself.

He will presumably not be telling the mortgage company that he has borrowed money from you, thereby committing mortgage fraud.

If he then borrows on credit cards to pay you back, he will never be able to remortgage when his fixed rate ends and he could find himself stuck on a high interest rate. As far as I'm aware, he will also have to show where the deposit has come from (ie bank statements showing it has built up over time).

It's a recipe for disaster and you would be doing neither him nor yourself any favours by getting involved.

A decent, savvy person wouldn't entertain accepting that kind of 'help' OP, even if you offered entirely spontaneously and of your own volition.

Still a no from me despite the updates!

What, really, is the problem with him renting?

There isn't a huge problem that needs solving, is there? He can rent a bit longer, it's fine.

I will also add, I don't think he's trying to do you out of money or anything

I just think he sounds like he's crap with money and getting over excited that his girlfriend can help out

Thing is, I've seen many many break ups and even in the worst ones....broken hearts mend. Lost money cannot be recovered. Maybe if you're a hedge fund manager...but a hedge fund manager wouldn't consider this a good plan either.

Risking a huge chunk of savings....and you have DC....please don't do this.

Go for it. Excellent idea. (why are you only giving him 20-25k? when you have 33K?)

[in the non disney version]. You're lending him money when he doesn't really need it, there's not really a reason, he'll just be a few hundred quid a month better off (in the short term you won't, you'll be worse off as no interest on the money).... why?
You should either buy together or not. why don't you say to him, I've decided to pay off my debt (mortgage), with my money? Then i'll have more disposable income that we can spend on our time together each month....

If you do want to move in together you don't need to wait until the cows come home he has accrued £400k. You just get the solicitor to draw up a deed recognising your unequal interest in the property and protecting your deposit. Joint tenants vs tenants in common.

Just saw your latest post....what you get out of it is helping another person? OP you can afford to help a homeless person get a roof in this cold weather for a few nights. You can't afford to risk your savings so someone can own a place faster!

Imagine if you put that money in Santander and Lloyds, the interest alone on those accounts, which I hope you know about, would be c£800 for the year? That's a future fund for DC!

Oh my good lord. Are people actually so naive?

He'll leave you all his 'assets' because his kids are getting from someone else? He sounds like a right fucking charmer.

What is "too small" ?
How many kids does he have? What are their ages? Do they each really need their own bedroom? What other amenities does he consider essential? What's wrong with buying the flat he can afford?

Across the street from me is a 900 square-foot bungalow where a family of two parents and nine kids was raised in the '60s and '70s. Everyone I know shared a bedroom growing up, some till college or even till graduation from college or university, so "too small" is relative.

Again, this screams out to me as someone not content to live within his means, but who wants to work all sorts of schemes and angles to have things he can't afford. Tapping credit cards for cars and mortgage deposits and begging money from friends/girlfriends and being willing to lie to the mortgage company about the source of the deposit are not the marks of someone I'd want to be mixed up with.

You need to safeguard your family's assets for yourself and your own children, not dole them out to be "helpful."

I am almost certain that his children will be one hundred per cent ENTITLED to a per centage of his assets when he dies. I can't remember the exact logistics but there is no way that he can edit them out of his legacy.

Also, how can he be as sure as he is about their mother's wealth?

And if he can be so indifferent about the uncertainty of that then how can you expect him to be loyal to you?

Don't run for the hills. I am sure he is lovely. But so is the hard earned financial security that you currently have.

If you can't afford to lose it then don't lend it.

And fine he has learned new skills. But really, big deal, have't we all?

He's got an excellent credit rating, I've seen it.

Like I said, there's no issue with him being lent money. It's just that he can't borrow enough (I think someone said upthread about having to have 10% deposit) to be able to buy a house.

If he lived nearer me, he'd be even worse off, it's £1700-1800 a month here for a 3 bed.

Why did he have so much debt? Lots of reasons, rented a house with a GF who then moved out pretty quickly leaving him with a long contract without a break clause, had several cars which died on him in succession and had to be expensively repaired/replaced, lived a little beyond his means etc. He was early 20s when he got into debt, only able to pay the minimum so interest was probably half the amount he eventually paid back. All a long time ago, and he worked very hard to sort it out.