to consider lending this money?

[metalmickie]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

Yes but the bank will only accept the cash from her as a gift.

If it's a loan, they won't give him a mortgage.

So if she's giving a gift then she doesn't need formal paperwork, she just gets her purse out.

If it's a loan then unless she is going to be dishonest with the bank he is not going to get a mortgage anyway.

Whatever. I'm just suggesting the OP needs to get a professional opinion not rely on this Board for advice not least of all when people are hurling insults her way.

Night all.

She posted on here so it's not like the advice is unsolicited!

I'm not really sure why you keep kind of implying you are far too busy and preoccupied to post on an Internet forum but then keep posting

One thing I'm curious about. If the OP were to take a 10% ownership share in a house would the mortgage company insist she is on (and liable for) the mortgage?

I think they would want her to be jointly liable, yes.

The OP just needs to go to her own independent legal representative and put forward her various propositions for their unbiased advice. Also make an appointment at her bank and run it by their financial advisor.

Would I lend the money in the circumstances described?
Hell no.
I wouldn't need anyone's advice to get to that conclusion.

Good luck in your marriage daisy

Daisychain, many congrats on your wedding , hope you have a wonderful day!

So I've had a chat with my friend - she's counselled against loaning the money informally, because of the amount and also that it is not just myself to consider but DC. I fully appreciate that any informal loan would have to be specified as a gift and as such there couldn't be any conditions of repayment drawn up between us.

However friend is in agreement with me that giving the money (in a protected way) is likely to be the right thing for our relationship, and a more measured leap of faith than moving in together, buying a jointly owned home etc. Seems there are several options (not just paying deposit/ taking share etc) and on her advice I'm going to explore those in more detail with a financial/ legal advisor. I won't be having any conversation with my DP until I've looked into it properly as i need to be clear on which of the options is best for me.

Blimey OP, this friend is amazing- she's come up with sone really radical ideas-not!

I've no idea why you started this thread if the only person you were prepared to listen to was this friend but at least you've been convinced that handing over the cash is a bad idea.

I think you're on the fight lines OP - hopefully some time with a solicitor will help clarify things.

*right

A friend lent her boyfriend £4K - they had it in writing etc - but she still couldn't get it back....

Let us know what the legal guys say please. It'll be interesting to know the best way to get round this problem.

You can't get blood out of a stone. Even with a legal agreement, he can default on the loan. But hey, it's your lookout and you are determined to hand over this huge sum of money to your boyfriend who has a history of shit money management. LOL that it's 'more measured' than moving in together.

The best counsel whether from a friend or a legal advisor remains

'lend what you can afford and are prepared to give away'

Just continue to bear that in mind OP. Lots of agreements are watertight, but if someone defaults, for whatever reason, they default and that's all there is to it.

I have NO idea why you started this thread. Good luck for the future with this money OP. I have a feeling you're going to need it.

Whatever. I'm out.

I think you're on the fight lines OP

Ironically, I think you probably are on the fight lines - I don't think I've ever 'lent' money to a partner and got it back without a struggle, or a dent in the relationship.

Thanks for your metal, we've had a lovely day, nice and low key!

I hope your DP gives you the same level of commitment emotionally and materially for the long term, that you are giving him. Go into it with your eyes wide open. Imagine him walking away and changing his mind about the relationship. Think about your level of confidence about his trustworthiness as a person, only you know that! My DP (now DH!) would feel uncomfortable about me giving him money so maybe a good indicator might be to find out what his reaction would be. Do you even know if he would accept the money if you offered it? Or would he feel a nad awkward.

All the very best and I hope your decision is the right one for you both (and your DCs of course)

Why does he owe £8000 on credit cards? That is A LOT of credit card debt, the worst kind apart from payday lender debt, to service. He can't just pay you back in cash with credit card debt. He has to face up to the fact that he cannot buy a house yet. If you want to do something for him encourage him to pay off his ccard debt with £8000 of his own savings. Get him to set a target for savings (say 2000-4000 in 2 years - £100-200 a month). See how he does in those 2 years. If he has managed to hit that target and not accrued any more ccard debt then think again.

Not a chance. You'd be a fool to do this and strong likelihood is that in time to come there will be another thread from you in years to come wondering what happened and what can you do about it...

Niloufe, I agree - metal's DP needs to clean up his spending/debt accumulation habits. If he doesnt show her he is making every effort to change his attitude to money, then handing him over a new "supply" of money without having made any effort himself, is an unhelpful message.

IME the only way it can work is for him to mend his ways as part of the big picture of their relationship. Resentment could creep in if he feels he is having a gun held to his head (hypothetical scenario) "I'll only give you the money on condition that ....". It comes across almost as a veiled threat.

A fine line...

I am wondering why your self esteem is so low that you think you have to give/lend this man money in order to keep him.

Your friend says it would be "the right thing for our relationship." The implication is you need to do this for him to stay.

I feel very sorry for you.

Good luck though.

And at cocklblind

With 8k credit card debt, he would benefit from money advice. Poor judgement at the very least.

I wouldn't even consider lending him this money. Any legal agreement to repay can be avoided by someone determined to do so.
Only lend if you are prepared to never see the £ again.