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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider lending this money?

374 replies

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 21:05

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 07/03/2016 21:44

Oh God. This has disaster written all over it.

The only way you should consider this is if you can secure it against his property somehow until he pays it all back.

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 21:44

Don't do it.
He sounds like he's fully of shit. And full of excuses.
To buy the house with him, you'd have to go on the mortgage ie share his debt. Also has tax implications for you.
At the very least see a solicitor.

Sorry but you should never have told him about YOUR savings. They are for you and your children atm.

BMW6 · 07/03/2016 21:44

He had 60k of credit card debts ?????????

And you are even considering lending him your savings??????

Please - give your head a wobble.

novemberchild · 07/03/2016 21:44

Not a chance. The only way I'd allow a man access to my savings would be within marriage (and even then, with a double-signed bank account!).

Fedup21 · 07/03/2016 21:44

I wouldn't do this in a million years. I think you'll regret it if you do.

lorelei9 · 07/03/2016 21:44

Don't do it
He can't pay you back

It's that simple
He needs to save more before he can buy

If you want to do it to get a share of the house that's different

But if you break up and need your money, imagine if he refused to sell and you couldn't get your money back other than through forced sale

Don't do it

And if you refuse, gird yourself, he might propose marriage next...say no!

NoSquirrels · 07/03/2016 21:45

I wouldn't, OP. Seriously.

You'd practically clear out your savings, and you'd have no surety - if you got legal agreements drawn up the bank would still decline to give him the mortgage he needs as he'd owe you a debt/you'd have a claim on the house.

At the very most I would consider lending him the £8K (with a proper agreement of repayments) in order to eliminate the debt.

But then he'd still not have enough for the deposit, would he, so it's not a great plan all round.

He needs to save and pay down his debt, and accept that's the way the chips have fallen. He's only going to save £2,500 a year in rent, and it would take 10 years for your £25K loan to be repaid at that rate.

lavenderhoney · 07/03/2016 21:46

It doesn't make sense at all. He plans to marry and live with you in 3-5 years ( what?!) and so he's wants to buy a house. Why can't he just save his money, rent, pay off his debts and come to you debt free? Why does he need a house that he owns? And why would you tie yourself up into a property you don't want or need? What?

And anyone can show you a will and then do another one. You'd be so fucked over.

Don't do it. Just say you need the money for when you retire at 60-65 and actually it's fuck all to do with him. but nicely:)

MsVestibule · 07/03/2016 21:46

Seriously, this is a mental idea. How on earth is he gong to be able to afford the repayments on credit cards of up to £25k? Would he take the £25k out in cash to pay back into your savings? Will the CC companies even allow him to take that much out in cash? They might, but I'm pretty sure he'll be charged eye watering rates of interest from day one - interest free rates are normally only for balance transfers and some purchases, not cash withdrawals,

If you do go ahead and lend it to him, would you get a formal loan agreement?

Qwebec · 07/03/2016 21:46

Nobody says he is with you for your money, and he probably has all the best intentions. But if he is ready to ask you for your savings he probably has a very different view of money that you and there lies the problem.

fatherpeeweestairmaster · 07/03/2016 21:47

no no no no no no no.

I understand it's paid down now but how did he manage to rack up £60k on cards in the first place? On the one hand, flipping credit card debt sounds financially astute, but it kind of smacks of someone who relies on 'free' money, rather than just reining himself in and saving.

chocomochi · 07/03/2016 21:47

Don't do it! Any agreement needs to be drawn up by a solicitor or you need to own a percentage of the property he wants to buy.

He will leave everything in the will to you? Has the will been drawn up? How can you be sure that the will won't be superseded by a newer will? What if his ex and DCs want to contest the will?

bloodyteenagers · 07/03/2016 21:47

I don't know why you bothered posting tbh.
Seems you have made up your mind.
Not that often that every person agrees on a thread. When they do it's usually for a reason.

You are fucking with your child's future by doing this. And to consider buying with him. You are running the risk of your child to made homeless.

Oh. U.K. Employment law. He can be sacked at any time in the next two years with no reason needed. So although no probationary period. Not what you would call a secure job.

There's a reason why lenders say no. They don't think he has the means to pay a smaller debt. Yet somehow there's a delusion that he is about to pay a hell of a lot more.

HirplesWithHaggis · 07/03/2016 21:47

Are you, and is he, aware that if he pays you back via his credit card(s), he not only has to pay 3% cash transaction charge, but also start paying interest straight away? (No interest-free time on cash transactions)

A very, very expensive proposition, quite apart from all of the other legitimate grounds for refusal mentioned by many previous posters.

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 21:47

YY to him easily being able to rewrite his will.

None of his fucking business how much money you have in savings. Why should you take a risk on him if the bank won't?

Kidnapped · 07/03/2016 21:47

He used to be 60K in debt?

And was very recently unemployed?

This is not a man who is responsible with money. You know that now. You would be insane to hand over £25K to this guy. Surely that 25K goes towards your own children's futures?

Can you ask him why he can't ask his parents/family members/friends to help him out? I'm guessing that the answer will be that they already have and would never do it again.

Bearbehind · 07/03/2016 21:48

OP, this might be entirely misguided but your last post sounds like he's brain washed you into believing not living together is the best option for you- do you really and truly believe that?

Don't lend him a penny.

ABetaDad1 · 07/03/2016 21:48

Don't buy a house with him. If you break up, house prices fall and he stops paying his half of the mortgage and does a runner you will be joint and severally liable.

There was a terrible story on MN recently where this happened.

He just needs to get his finances sorted, stop spending and start proving he is the sort of person you want to be with long term.

Luisanna · 07/03/2016 21:49

why don't you buy the house and let him rent it off you? If it's such a sound investment then at least it's your investment. Crazy to gift your savings to a bloke that's already in debt and as for not leaving his kids money in the event of his death, he has no bloody money! It's all owed out!

Original poster
metalmickie · 07/03/2016 21:50

I'm not pushing him to live together! I'm actually quite happy with the status quo - financially I manage well, so it's not like I would need help with bills.

FWIW the money his DC will inherit is in a trust of some kind set up by an elderly relative who died several years ago (very well off, upper middle class, expensive public school educated family). If my DC had that kind of money coming to them I probably wouldn't be too bothered about leaving them a few thousand.

No decision made yet.

OP posts:
INeedSomeHelp · 07/03/2016 21:50

I don't understand why he wants you to lend him so much? If the problem is that the mortgage lender will take his credit card debt into account then surely you just need to pay off the £8k? Then he gets whatever mortgage he can using his savings as the deposit.
It sounds like he's got great ideas for how to spend your money! What would he do if he wasn't with you or you weren't in such a good financial position?
Don't buy the house with him - what if he stops paying the mortgage, you'd be liable.
I'd be keeping all my savings to myself if I were you.

lorelei9 · 07/03/2016 21:52

OP are you not alarmed by the credit card debt and the crZy idea of paying you back from them...?

NoSquirrels · 07/03/2016 21:52

And as others have said, the £45K 'available' on the credit cards is a total red herring - the mortgage co. can easily force him to close those lines of credit as a condition of getting a mortgage, and even if they don't it's a hugely expensive way of borrowing money, which will wipe out any £200 per month saving in no time.

And when you want to move in together in 3-5 years time, what if you don't want to live there? Then you have to sell etc. etc.

Just stay renting as is. Simpler, safer.

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 21:53

Moral of the story - don't tell your your boyfriend you have savings esp if you know he's crap with money. Very likely he will have a mad-cap plan! And sorry but you don't live together so he's just your boyfriend. "Partners" don't take each other's life savings (not "share", TAKE!) they contribute to each other.

What does this man contribute to your life, OP?

shazzarooney99 · 07/03/2016 21:53

Keep hold of your money, why would he want to buy his own house when hes with you? why have yous not talked about buying a house together? sorry but definately not.

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