to consider lending this money?

[metalmickie]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

[EssentialHummus]

If i was a fool i wouldn't be in quite the financial position I am, would I?

From my POV it looks like you are financially astute and hard-working, but blinded by your love for this guy. I don't get the sense that he's trying to scam you, just that he's bad with money or has unrealistic expectations of what's affordable/available to him. And that you may get drawn in to that.

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

Mickey - £60k is still quite a lot of debt.

I appreciated people do get into debt but to an outsider it looks like he was living well outwith his means. For example most people who can't afford car repairs just don't run a car.

Why you would handover £25k to someone you do not live with or are married to is totally beyond me.

What will happen if you have an urgent need for the £25k back? Say you need a new car. Or you need to do repairs to your house?

[fatherpeeweestairmaster]

If i was a fool i wouldn't be in quite the financial position I am, would I?

Well - and I don't mean to be rude, just realistic - the major 'decision' that's put you in the favourable financial position you're in was to buy a house that has, thanks to the property market, increased in value considerably. It's not like you've been playing the financial markets for 20 years. You've been dumping money into a mortgage, like most of us do, and living within your means. The only way to realise that huge chunk of money is to sell the house or remortgage, and while your £33k savings is a good sum, it's not the same as having £400k sitting around in the bank in cash. If you lend him £25k that leaves you with less than £10k in accessible cash - is that the recommended 6/12 months' salary safety net?

[NoSquirrels]

Last post from me, OP, as you do seem set to do it anyway, but just wanted to pick up on this:

I'm also mindful that we want to spend the rest of our lives together (hopefully another 40 years; more realistically given health issues, perhaps 20-25). If I didn't help him now, what would happen? He would save, pay off cards, then add to savings. 5 years from now, when we'd be looking to set up home together, at best I'd think he might have saved another £10k, so £20k in total and paid everything off. Meanwhile I've paid off my mortgage entirely and (if house prices continue to rise) I've then got a house worth maybe £600k. It just seems to me that the financial gulf between us would be even wider and seemingly imsurmountable by then.

At the point at which you do set up home together, and get married or whatever, then you can sort out the "financial gulf" however you see fit. You can totally pool your finances (having ring-fenced whatever you think for your DC) and start off on the same footing, if that makes you feel better.

Lending him £25K cold hard cash now is just not a good gamble.
And you are gambling: on his continued financial prudence, on his continued employment, on house prices continuing to go up and up, on interest rates staying low, and on your relationship continuing.

By all means be equals, when it comes to the sensible time to be sorting that stuff out. But now is not that time.

[molyholy]

So far you have sen his:

Credit reports (from various companies)
His childrens trust fund information from ex-wifes side
You know the last 10 years of his finances

and NOW you have seen all his divorce papers too, which you seen when you first met him and he was going through his divorce!

He is just an open book isn't he.

[molyholy]

It's almose like he is trying to prove something to you

[molyholy]

*trying too VERY HARD

[dustarr73]

Well i have read the whole thread and it seems to me hes hiding in plain sight".Hes showing you all this,and it makes me wonder why.

If the bank will only lend him so much,they obviously have more insight than you.Why do you think you know better.

[bishboschone]

Why doesn't he pay off the cc debt with the £10k savings ??

[Fishface77]

Why ask for advise then disregard almost 14 pages of advise saying don't do it???

[molyholy]

*almost

[leelu66]

If i was a fool i wouldn't be in quite the financial position I am, would I?

The exact point I stopped caring about the OP being fleeced.

[Cornishclio]

If your OH only started this new job in January presumably he is still on probation? Is it not too early to be thinking about taking out heavy financial responsibilities - large mortgage, debt to girlfriend?

I personally feel it is a mistake to get too involved in partner's finances until a more permanent relationship has been established - living together or marriage. A better option would be for you to purchase it with him but you may have problems with mortgage company if you do this. Normally a deposit needs to be a no strings attached gift which you would be very foolish to entertain.

Also borrowing £25-£30k on a credit card in cash to repay you would be extremely difficult and expensive.

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

No no no no no.

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

Yes - the mortgage company will want to know the cash is a gift - not a loan.

If he/you lie and say it's a gift when it's actually a loan, then you are committing fraud. Absolute madness.

Also no solicitor worth his salt will get involved in defrauding a bank.

[molyholy]

I think the OP has done the equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears and singing LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

[LineyReborn]

Well I think the OP has already offered. And presumably he's said Yes Please.

[Bearbehind]

If i was a fool i wouldn't be in quite the financial position I am, would I?

But you've said your 'wealth' is due to buying a house at the right time and an inheritance.

Hardly makes you Richard Branson does it?

The value of the house is meaningless anyway as, unless you intend to move somewhere significantly cheaper, you can't realise the cash.

Have you discussed any options which involve anything other than you giving him commitment free, cold hard cash yet?

I bet he's significantly less keen on any of these ideas.

[zippey]

I've only read the first third but...

He wants to leave everything to you in a will, someone he hasn't known for very long, instead of his children?! This person sounds like a nincompoop.

[chocomochi]

OP, I hope when you speak to one of your close friends, you don't stick your fingers in your ears if she agrees with most of the posters here. Sounds like you have made up your mind and you want just one person to agree with you.

[daisychain01]

Metal, you know your DP in real life, so having to describe him, and this financial decision you need to resolve, on here just gives the opportunity to dissect, pick apart the situation and, yes some of it sounds risky and imbalanced, because the risk would be heavily weighted against you not him.

Life isn't perfect, neither are relationships. If I were to describe my DP, "on paper" it would have looked really bad. But our reality is that we loved each other, we took things one step at a time, we kept our finances separate for a good few years before we decided to move in together. It was driven largely by the need to protect my DSSs DPs DSs well being by keeping stability and as few changes as possible. Sounds like decisions around DCs ought to be taken into account.

If I were you I would step away from the computer and make your choice based on your own decision, you sound an intelligent woman. Nobody on here knows your circumstances accurately, so perhaps the AIBU is not to bring such a complex situation like this to the board when what you need is a RL solicitor and financial advisor!

[daisychain01]

BTW in terms of timescales, it took us 9 years to integrate our lives.

And we are getting married tomorrow at 11am!

So don't expect it to get magically sorted out quickly because that's when you could come unstuck.

[Whocansay]

OP, just be honest with yourself. This is a gift. You will never get it back. If you are happy with that, crack on.

I'm really not sure why you posted though. You are determined to believe all the nonsense he has told you.

[FedUpWithJudgementalPeople]

Daisychain - you do realise a RL solicitor won't advocate defrauding a bank

[daisychain01]

A RL solicitor could talk about the implictions of the OP lending the money as she seems to need some constructive guidance and they could draft up a legal agreement regarding terms that would protect the OPS position.

I haven't a clue about defrauding a bank but forgive me if I haven't read thru 7 pages of posts in minute detail. Somewhat occupied at the moment.