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AIBU?

to consider lending this money?

374 replies

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 21:05

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

OP posts:

Report

elfycat · 07/03/2016 21:54

If he can reduce a £60k debt down to £8k, then he can keep going and sort the NEXT £52k. It might take a bit of time, but that's all.

Don't do it. Just don't. It's the easiest thing in the world for you to just NOT take that money out of your savings. Don't go to the bank. Don't transfer anything.

You have obviously made some good financial choices. This is not one of them. If you were us, reading this OP, what would you say?

LuckyTr33 · 07/03/2016 21:54

You said he has 10k in saving and 8k debt

He would be better having zero debt and 2k in savings

If he is earning he is responsible for his own finances

If he wants to buy a house or wedding ensure he saves up himself for a couple of years

rollonthesummer · 07/03/2016 21:55

FWIW the money his DC will inherit is in a trust of some kind set up by an elderly relative who died several years ago (very well off, upper middle class, expensive public school educated family)

I read something on here recently about a man who was conning his girlfriend out of tens of thousands to buy a house but she thought she was all right because he had a socking great inheritance coming his way. It turns out that was a big fat lie!

MsVestibule · 07/03/2016 21:56

I think it would be a pretty longtail scam to be in a relationship with me for this long just to get money off me

I don't think he's with you to scam you. I just think he's absolutely appalling with money and has not thought through how he is actually going to pay you/his CC companies back.

Has he worked out how much interest he will have to pay his CC companies on the £25k?

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 21:58

If you had no DCs, it would be up to you to take this gamble or not.
But part of being a parent is doing the best thing for them. Luckily that gives you a good excuse for you to explain to "DP" why you regrettably cannot go ahead.

Suggest he joins forever living or some such to make some fast money.

bloodyteenagers · 07/03/2016 21:59

Long tail scams do happen though.
Money diggers.
Find someone with some cash.
The longer the commitment the bigger the payout.

RiverWhy · 07/03/2016 21:59

its a no from me...way too many ifs and buts. look after yourself and your own.

Fishface77 · 07/03/2016 22:00

Don't do it.
And if you ever marry ring fence your assets.

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 22:00

Plus he gets sex out of it as well as money? And retains his bachelor pad? Got it made!

Piemernator · 07/03/2016 22:02

I wouldn't have even told a BF I had X amount in savings.

You are beyond daft to even consider this.

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 22:02

He was £60k in debt over a decade ago, when he was working in minimum wage jobs. He's worked his socks off to learn skills and climb up the ladder, he now earns over £50k a year.

He pays £700 or so a month child support (might be more, I'm not sure of the figures since he started his new job) and his rent - as I've said - is higher than a mortgage would be, so saving more than a couple of hundred a month is difficult, at that rate it would take him 5 years to save up enough, actually more as house prices are bound to have gone up more by then.

His parents are retired, no other relatives, and no friends who own their own homes, so not really anyone else to ask.

If I say no, he'll have to stay where he is, of course. Which isn't a problem as such, but it would mean that he's still spending £15k a year in rent, which could be paying off a mortgage!

If and when we do move in together, it wouldn't be to the house he'll buy, as that will be fairly small (with the extra money, he can buy a house. Without it, he would only be able to get a flat, which would be too small for his DC).

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 07/03/2016 22:03

Bloody hell. Er. NO. Just don't!

He clearly has no clue about money at all.

Keep hold of your cash!

lionsleepstonight · 07/03/2016 22:03

Why would you want to take such a large financial risk, when the mortgage company won't? There is a clear reason why they won't lend to him, and that is he cannot afford it. The risk of him defaulting is too high for them to take on. Listen to what they are saying, that risk would be yours to take as an individual. If they won't why should you?
I have underwritten mortgages in the past. I dont beleive anyone will give him a mortgage currently as for a lender not to go through a mortgage indemnifier you need a deposit of min 20% and that 10 grand isnt going to acheive this. Combine that with less than 3 months in job, debts etc. Do you know if part of the 10 deposit can from the 8k credit card?
He might be a lovely man, but after just two years it is not your responsibility to help him buy a house. He needs to get his finances in order first and then do it.
It also sounds like he is not very good with money, as the idea of repaying 25k via credit cards is unbelievable. If he thinks that's a sane plan, walk away now. You sound like you've worked hard to find yourself in this established comfortable financial situation. Don't risk losing it all.

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/03/2016 22:04

No, for the love of all things holy don't do it.

You could lose all of it & it will be a bitter pill to swallow.

OliviaBenson · 07/03/2016 22:05

You seem dead set on this op. Madness.

"If I say no, he'll have to stay where he is, of course. Which isn't a problem as such, but it would mean that he's still spending £15k a year in rent, which could be paying off a mortgage!"

How is that your problem? Lots of people rent, nothing wrong with that. The fact is he cannot afford to buy.

You really want to risk your own and your children's financial security? I'm very doubtful he could even get that much from credit cards to be honest.

Don't be a fool op.

Yohoodlum · 07/03/2016 22:06

It's a no from me too. If he comes from a monied family why can't they lend him the cash?

Has he anything he can sell such as a car?

The problem with the proposed plan is that real life has a nasty way of getting in the way of such plans. In theory it should work but stuff happens, unexpected stuff happens. People loose jobs, people get sick, things break and need replacing. There are too many uncertainties.

bloodyteenagers · 07/03/2016 22:06

Millions of people have minimum paid jobs. With children to support. They don't rack up 60k in debt.

He could move to a cheaper rental.

He could make other cuts backs to save. 28k is a year for a single person is enough to live on and save.

GooseberryRoolz · 07/03/2016 22:07

His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 22:08

I don't understand - is the house he is going to buy going to be the one you all live in or not? In this alleged 3-5 years time.

If not, factor in the cost of 3 x legal fees (purchase, sale, purchase), estate agency, stamp duty, etc etc. Big chunk out of your £20k.

"could be paying off a mortgage..." yeah, HIS mortgage.

What do you actually see yourself getting out of this plan, OP?

metalmickie · 07/03/2016 22:08

I know a lot more about his financial position than he does mine, in fairness!

Why don't we buy a house now? Well, leaving aside the location issue, I have a very substantial amount of equity in my home (over £400k), he has £2k of savings, so it would be impossible for us to contribute in equal shares.

OP posts:

DrDreReturns · 07/03/2016 22:09

Don't do it.

bloodyteenagers · 07/03/2016 22:09

What happened to his other 8k in savings?

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HeffalumpHistory · 07/03/2016 22:10

I wouldn't personally but IF you do, make sure you have it all in writing. Protect yourself!! Hate to be a cynic but you just never know what the future holds.....

GooseberryRoolz · 07/03/2016 22:11

Is he saying he's going to reimburse you with credit card advances?

Or are you saying that his credit card limits prove that he'll be able to borrow an additional £25k shortly after taking out a mortgage, with which to reimburse you?

Madness either way.

RapunzelStyle · 07/03/2016 22:11

So you won't buy with him til he has 400k equity too?

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