to consider lending this money?

[metalmickie]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

[FantaIsFine]

Don't do it! I'm shortly (I trust) to see the money back from an ill-advised loan I made myself with emotions at the root of it that I massively regret. Thank GOD we signed so that I'm second charge on a property being sold because otherwise I can see it having not come back.

It is okay to say no, I have learned. But if you DO go ahead, get some good paper in place between you. Agree with PP that taking it all out on credit card to repay you is bonkers so big question mark for me how aware he is with money.

[DramaAlpaca]

What would I do if I were you?

I'd keep a tight hold of my hard earned savings, that's what I'd do.

[228agreenend]

What's stopping you living together sooner? In 3-5 years, there may be another excuse. Senior school pick-ups? Wants to stay close to children?

The agreement has to be made with a solicitor, otherwise it would be meaningless.

[coffeeandcake14]

You'd have to declare the money to the mortgage provider as a gift through a legal document so would have no rights to it back should you split up. If you don't, the mortgage provider will just count it as further debt and it won't be usable as the deposit anyway

[lalalalyra]

If you draw up a legal agreement then the mortgage provider will count that as debt and some won't lend as they'll be concerned about you having an interest in the property.

[icelollycraving]

So what kind of probationary period is this new job? I suspect he won't keep s new home if he's expecting to pay you off by whacking it on cards,how?? Come on,really you know this is madness. So you'd end up with 8k? Just enough to clear his debts!!

[everyonesmom]

If you lend him the money for the deposit you will have to sign an agreement with the lenders that you are gifting him the deposit as an applicant is not allowed to borrow money for a deposit. As you have then signed a legal document confirming it was a gifted deposit if your partner decided not to pay you your savings back you would not have a leg to stand on. Proceed with caution OP.

[metalmickie]

10-15 years ago he had £60k on credit cards - which he paid off gradually down to about £3k (and got a mortgage with his ex during that time). The current £8k balance is partly because he had to replace his car (as it is essential for work/seeing his DC), and also had a period of unemployment before current job. All his credit cards are on zero interest or close to it (he regularly swaps the balances to get the best deals) so it's costing him nothing to owe that money.

I did ask what if he dies - he needs to do a will anyway, so will get that sorted in advance. He has said before this he'd leave everything to me, because his DC are going to inherit a 7 fig sum from their mum's family.

[bloodyteenagers]

It's also a good lesson in life about why you don't go telling people how much money you have in savings.
Amazing how many people suddenly have awesome ideas when it comes to 'free' money.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

WHY CANT YOU LIVE TOGETHER NOW RATHER THEN 3/5YRS

AND DEF DONT LEND HIM THAT MONEY

whoops hit caps but cba to retype

if he cant pay £8k debt he has on his cc, how on earth will he repay £30/40k to you

to take money out on a cc is huge interest fees

[bloodyteenagers]

Cross posts.
Bahaha. That is so funny.
You really want to get involved with a man who will leave his kids nothing because the other parent will leave them something.. Wow.

[NobodyNoseWhatMyNoseNose]

Are you going to listen to the 100% of responses saying don't do it?

[strawberrypenguin]

Don't do it. If you really want to lend him money then give him the 8k to clear his cards. It's a lot less to not get back it all goes wrong (although still an awful lot of money)

[sooperdooper]

I agree that if you give him the money you'll have to sign a declaration saying its a gift (my friends mum has just done this) - if you want him to pay you back you'll have to declare he owes you it, so it's pointless as then the mortgage company still view it as his debt (which it is!)

Don't do it, sounds a completely daft idea

[Thisismyfirsttime]

I was going to ask if he's paying interest on his 8k debt, if he's getting 0% interest easily now he might find those offers dry up once he has another debt (mortgage).
He would leave you everything and his children nothing? Really? Alarm bells ring here OP!

[228agreenend]

So he won't let you move in with him because of his childcare commitments, but then won't leave these same children any money in his will. That doesn't add up.

[lighteningirl]

No he's a financial Muppet he won't miraculously become financially astute he will still be a Muppet but with your money. My dh is a bit like this I started off helping him sort things out only for him to get into debt over and over again. Now we have an agreement that he does not have credit cards if he ever takes out a loan or overdraft it's divorce. We have a property each and a joint property but I manage all of them and the money if it was up to him we would have nothing. I love him to bits but I would never lend him money it nearly broke us.

[OneEpisode]

This money that his dc will inherit. Is this from a sadly missed relative, the solicitor is dealing with the estate now, or is this person still using the house/money they will inherit someday?

[Allbymyselfagain]

You said it would have to be a longtail scam if he has been dating you for two years to get your money. Your thinking of lending him £25000, that's an average wage of 12500 a year. That's actually not a bad return on a scam. Just food for thought.

[Bearbehind]

OP- if you want the answer as to whether or not this is a good idea- ask yourself- if it were your decision, would you impose this 3/5 year delay in living together?

If the answer is no then that's your answer to this loan.

It sounds very much like he's stringing you along and taking as much as he can from this relationship whilst giving you nothing back.

[witsender]

Nope nope nope nope nope

[metalmickie]

We don't think living together should be rushed, we both have DC to consider. Living separately has many advantages, especially for me. He could move in with me, but it would make it very difficult for him to see his DC on the assigned weekday contact. We don't know yet where they will go to secondary school, if they will want to keep up weekday contact then, assuming they do though my experience is they'll be able to be dropped at school earlier (now they can't be dropped before 0855, or collected from afterschool club after 5.30 meaning he has to live/work within 20 mins of school) but we expect in a few years it will be easier.

He didn't have a formal probationary period with the job, so no issues there.

I've not firmly decided to do this. I don't think I would do it in the absence of an actual legal document though. It might be I would need to buy the house with him perhaps?

[ABetaDad1]

Why on earth has he got credit card debt s and savings?

That's stupid.

He should have paid that credit card debt off with his savings already and then reigned in his spending to save for a deposit.

He is not financially responsible or sensible.

Don't lend him the money - he will just keep spending what he earns.

You are not even planning to live together in the house for 3 - 5 years. That is plenty of time for him to get his finances sorted out. He doesn't need to buy a house - he needs to spend less.

[RandomMess]

If you own your own home outright why don't you go into shared ownership on a property with him?

You then have a guarantee of getting your money back - he could even buy you out in the future.

[Inertia]

Don't lend the money.

Mortgage lenders will not accept loaned money as a deposit, so you'd either have to declare it a gift (and then there's no obligation on him to pay anything back), or act fraudulently.