to consider lending this money?

[metalmickie]

My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. We don't yet live together. He's planning to buy a house shortly.

I own my own home, am fairly comfortably off, I earn an ok amount but I am lucky to have a fair bit in savings (£33k). My partner has a much better job (although he only started it in the New Year) and some savings, about £10k, but also £8k owed on credit cards etc. To buy a house, he could use his savings, however the mortgage providers have said that they'd take his existing 'debt' into account - and in doing so it would mean he'd only be able to borrow about £40k less (and therefore couldn't afford a property big enough for him and his DC).

So, we talked about it, and if I lend him £20-25k, he will be able to use this as a deposit (having used his own savings to clear the credit cards). His current credit cards have a total limit of £45k, so he would have no problem borrowing back the money thereafter to reimburse me, as soon as the house purchase was completed. His mortgage repayments even if he borrows the maximum he can, will be £200 less than his rent now, so he has no concerns about affording it.

WWYD if you were me?

I don't think he's a conman grape - though I know others here have hinted at that - but I think he's too reliant on easy credit for things, and the whole house of cards can come down very quickly if he loses his job, for example. Basically, I just wouldn't go there. A little part of me also wonders if the OP has already lent him the money, hence her reticence to acknowledge that this may not be a great idea. I hope that's not the case.

If you are contributing to the purchase price of the house, you will be a part owner of that house. Get legal advice as this would be a trust.

got to go out now.

To sum up op. Proceed with caution. Protect your money. But if a way can be found don't be put off by everybody on here. There is risk in all relationships. Protect your money though.

OP, now you've come back & said you've seen all the credit reports, docs relating to his job and details of the trust/will, I am more worried for you rather than less.

I can't think how you would get into that conversation, how it would come about. It's odd.

I don't like conspiracy theories or drama llama-ing, but this does seem very much like the set-up to a con.

Anyhow, leaving that aside. Even if he is 100% genuine and you believe you know him very well, love him and believe him to be trustworthy, you've both been burned in love before and you need to protect your own assets. There are a million good reasons NOT to lend any cash, and really none that make sound financial sense to lend.

I'll repeat it again. Despite saving £200 per month on rent, he will owe more in interest if he pays you back by using credit cards. He doesn't have another plan to pay you back. It is not in HIS best interests to accept your loan, and it is certainly not in YOUR best interests to make it.

Please think hard.

he's shown himself to be financially prudent in recent years

Has he bollocks?

As well as the amounts of money involved not adding up, the timings are more than a little dubious.

He got into £60k debt 10-15 years ago yet his children are primary school age.

So he has married and divorced what sounds like a wealthy woman, funny that and come out of the other side still owing on his credit cards and now wants to borrow from the OP.

That's not prudent- it's lurching from one financialcrutch to the next.

Grape, even if you have a solid loan agreement with him, he can still decide not to pay it back. He could go bankrupt, leave the country, anything.

You get married. It may end in divorce. At some point you have to put the relationship first and take small, note small risks. As long as it is legally protected, there is as much risk as there is in any relationship.

Grape "You get married."

NO NO NO NO NO!

why on earth would you advocate getting married? half the OP wealth will go to this spendthrift partner!

I think grapejuicerocks really might be the boyfriend LOL.

I'd consider it, but only with a legal agreement in place.

OP your children will not forgive you for risking their financial security to "help out" a man you'd known for only two years.

I feel sad that the immediate response is "he's a conman" or "he'll steal your money" and that a whole host of very unflattering assumptions have been made about him based on a few of the ops posts. I agree with grape. If you are confident about this man and see a solid future, lend him the money by buying the house with him. Tenants in common can give you a percentage of the house and then if he sells, or the relationship breaks down l, you have a percentage of the sale proceeds back or the percentage he must pay you back to buy you out is worked out based on an average of three independent estate agent valuations. It's not uncommon to do this and in fact it may be a much better investment financially for your money anyhow with house prices going up in that area. You could structure it so he pays you back the amount plus interest over a fixed time or just it gets paid back after the house is sold or another option - you can decide this together and have it written in a legally binding document by a solicitor.

I thought tenants in common just protected what you original put in ie, the OP still be jointly and severely liable for the mortgage element so the risk associated with him deciding he can't afford to pay the mortgage would still exist.

OP, from what you have told us you seem to have been very savvy with your finances - your own home- practically paid off and £33k in savings. Why oh why would you risk all you have worked for!
You should have kept your financial affairs to yourself , but unfortunately you can't put the geni back in the bottle now.
Please get some independent financial advice , I would be very surprised if anyone thought this was a good idea, before you risk everything you have worked for and your child's/ children's future .

So, why can't he get a loan off his parents?

I don't think he's necessarily a con man, for all anyone can tell from what the OPs written he might be a lovely guy, however it would still be daft for the OP to lend her boyfriend such a large sum of money.

OP this thread must be hard for you to read. Its clear that you're intention is for the good and that you think you can help him and still get the money back.

However, I'd be very wary. He won't just need a deposit, he'll need all the other costs associated with moving and chances are he'll use his credit card to fund them leaving him with less credit available to pay you back.

He won't be able to continue getting 0% deals for ever. Credit card companies arent stupid, the offers will dry up in time then he'll be left paying an extortionate amount of interest on the money he's paid you back. Put aside his intentions for a moment - if YOU love him, you would want to protect him from being in that horrible position.

If you put your name on the mortgage then as others have said you'll be jointly and severally liable if he defaults.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.....

Good intentions

You wanting to help
You wanting him to have a bit extra each month
You thinking your money will be better invested in him than waiting until your DCs need it

Hell

(for him) paying crippling amounts of interest each month
(for you) being left to service his morgage
(for you) not getting your money back
(for both of you) your relationship breaking up over money
(for your children) knowing that their mum put the needs of a man she'd only been wih for 2 years over their financial security.

You have it in your power to ensure that this road is never paved, never laid, never followed for you, him or your children.

Encourage him to pay all his debts, stay in his current home or ffind somewhere cheaper if he can, live within his means and save something each month for a deposiit. Don't enable him to mess up at the expense of all of you.

Good luck I hpe it works out for your all

Boyfriend(grape) may just be a bloke who's overspent in the past, and is trying to move forward. However, the scenario given hasn't really shown that he has financially matured.

grape suggests to go ahead if you can protect your money. The best way to,protect your money is not too lend, and for boyfriend (grape) to follow some of the advice on this thread, about paying off debts, moving to a cheaper area etc.

What's the betting that if OP comes back to thread she engages only with Grape ?

OP, this is a terrible idea. Your boyfriend might not be a conman, but he's definitely playing you. Plus there's the small matter of if you lend him the deposit you'll need to declare it a gift so he can get a mortgage and then you have no legal recourse to claim it back

Does that seem clever? What would you advise a family member who planned to do what you do? I'm sure your boyfriend is very persuasive, but he doesn't need to buy a house right now! If he wants to save £200 a month, then he can pay off his credit card, and that's the minimum payment saved right there.

Did the plan to buy a house coincide with him finding out about your savings?

He should give himself a year to pay off his debts and build up his savings. Whats the big hurry to buy?

In the mean time why don't you pay off some of the capital of your mortgage. You never know whats in the future - you could lose your job or have need of the money yourself.

Lending large sums of money, in your case over half your life savings is risky. What happens if you lend him say £25k, he buys the house, then he can't pay the mortgage and he's begging you to lend him money to pay it etc etc. House prices fall, he has to sell and makes a loss and can't give you any money back? The money it has taken all your working life (and the person you inherited from) to acquire is gone for good.

There's nothing worse then someone being frugal and savvy with money and building up savings then someone else comes along pisses it up against the wall.

Why should your frugalness fund his lifestyle when he earns more than you?

Op, have you looked into the possibility of paying off your own mortgage with your savings? Even if you are on a fixed rate most lenders allow you to overpay 10% of the total debt per annum. Which would mean you were essentially getting whatever your mortgage rate is in interest.

Alternatively, as others have said, open a Santander 123, club Lloyd's, tesco current account and make sure all your money is getting decent interest (3-5% is available on current accounts and no tax after April) and you could easily be making a grand a year on your savings. It doesn't need to be sitting there earning nothing. Put it to good use for your own benefit. Then when and if you decide to buy a big house for you to live in with this man (in defined unequal shares obviously) then you will be bringing even more to the party

Don't do it. I couldn't rtft

If no one mentioned it in any case you do not get a charge over his house as the mortgage provider already has this. Just dont lend it to him. Or lend it in the knowledge that you might not get it back.

I'd still like to know the number and ages of the children, and why a flat that is within his budget is "too small."

Also am I the only one who sees a plethora of new "needs" arising after any house purchase, from repairs/upgrades to new power equipment, furniture, electronics etc. because of course whatever was in the flat will then be considered sub-par for the house. New bedding, new kitchen ware, garden center expenditures and on and on.

Repaying the OP will take a back seat to all of the above "needs" I am sure.

I wasn't advocating that the op gets married, just saying that everybody who gets married is taking a risk even if they try to protect their assets.

Last time I looked I had boobs, so I don't think I am the ops boyfriend.

I'm not telling the op to go ahead with it, but I'm saying that as long as her money is protected, she is the one best place to weigh up what is best for them as a couple and their long term future. If trust is that lacking I'm not sure I could be in that relationship. Obviously it is best to mitigate damage in a worst case scenario, ie protect her money, but surely a relationship is based on more than that.

Those that think it odd to know his full finances at this stage in the relationship, why is that odd? DH and I certainly knew both our financial situations as soon as we realised we were serious about each other.

Ms Grape - there's risk in all relationships, and only op can ultimately decide what to do and how much she trusts the bf.

However, I think what most posters are saying is that given the facts, there's too much at stake, and the op could loose all her savings, despite her good intentions.