To be sad I wasted my youth

[friendlyfoxes]

TAAT of sorts.

I didn't travel.

I didn't shag hot men.

I didn't shag any men.

I was indoctrinated introduced to a church and was a reluctant Christian. It was very hard to break away from as I was reliant socially and emotionally on the church but it just made me hate myself for not being a good person.

Now when I read Mumsnetters looking back on their wild youths I feel sad.

Please come join me if you had a boring adolescence/twenties.

I don't think I could explain but it's not negative thinking holding me back.

Otherwise I would have met someone years ago - I didn't always think like this.

Losing all hope for your future is a symptom of depression and I think you are in denial of this by saying that you are a realist.

NHS online have a depression checklist and symptom checker and I think It's worth you looking at that and answering it honestly.
There is also a section on body dysmorphia to look at.
There's not a miracle cure but treatment is available if you want to change.

What do you do with your holidays at the moment?

What do you do with your free time? What do you enjoy doing?

Nothing really :) go to visit friends or catch up with DIY.

Pills - I just don't see how they'd help and I'm scared of weight gain last thing I need

You may not have be negative before, but it doesn't sound from your posts as though you have ever been particularly proactive, OP. You make your life sound as though you assumed something would come along and now you assume nothing will come along. Why are you so determined not to take yourself even the slightest bit out of your comfort zone?

Maybe it doesn't sound that way but I was.

I think you'd make a brilliant lawyer You're certainly very good at arguing in defence!

On a serious note, carry on seeing your friends, getting out there and accepting yourself and your past as it is. If your negative feelings get unmanagable, please seek help even if you have convinced yourself that it wont work.

The bottom line is this: when you are on your death bed, are you going to think you did everything you could to make of life what you wanted it to be? If not, now's the time to try and turn things around.

Lack of money for holidays I get, but really? You are presumably working? You are not paying for anyone else's life? Correct me if I'm wrong about any of this.

Is it that you have no-one to go with? and you don't fancy being alone in a strange place? then go with a group of people you don't know. There are loads of arranged holidays of this nature out there.

What does everything being ok mean for you? Have you written it down?

If you don't know where you're going you won't ever get there. You need a map. Or a plan.

I have to do the above this week. I've bought a new pad and plan to write down all the things I want to achieve and what will make me be the person I know I am. Then I'm going to write down how I'm going to achieve all this and break it down into steps. Things won't change unless I make them. Give fate a helping hand:)

Can I ask you all very genuinely why you all think a holiday is going to solve everything.

I would argue that you are scared of any change. I really recommend Martha beck ( who has a website) and her book 'finding your own north star' . Do teeny, tiny things to break out of your routine - lie a different sandwhich for lunch. Look out for things that lift your heart up and use them as clues to follow - tiny things like liking a particular pair of socks or loving blossom on a tree. There is a massive, lovely world to be enthralled by and you are holding yourself prisoner. Good luck.

I get it OP. I spent all of my teens and 20's being housebound due to agoraphobia/social anxiety and I'm still a virgin at 25. I've never had a relationship or a job, no friends. it's really shit.

To top it all off, the only thing i've ever wanted was to be a mum, but I have endometriosis so even that seems out of my hands. We are not all born equal, as the saying goes.

Sometimes life is shit despite your best efforts. Sometimes people get lucky, sometimes people don't. Most of my peers are settling down or already have and it's so fucking hard.

Because the first line of your thread is the regret that you didn't travel!

I hear you Flowers.

I do really appreciate everyone's kindness but the fact is things are what they are (and I'm not scared of change on the contrary I've had more change than anybody else I know)

Things change but I don't.

I'm still unattractive, still 'weird', still not quite there somehow.

Yeah but that's not exactly regret for not having travelled but regret that I didn't go through various rites of passage if you see what I mean.

A holiday is probably not going to solve everything.

But it will

a) give you a chance to travel a bit which you said you regretted not doing

b) give you something nice to look forward to now as you seem a bit down

c) possibly give you a chance to meet new people

d) broaden your horizons, give you an experience to talk about when next you are talking to someone (friend or possible partner)

e) break you out of this rut you are in whereby you think travel is something you cannot do. When you find out it is something you can do, who knows what other things you may suddenly think are also possible?

How long have you had this 'my life's wasted, everyghing's wrong'? 5 years? 10 years? not more than 15! Not more I guess.

From what you're saying I think you now really want to be passive, sitting back for the rest of your life. That means next 35 - 45 years if you live to your 70 - 80 years. That's many times longer than you've done it so far. It's more than your whole life so far!

What about a bit of OLD OP? No rejection if you just sit and wait for them to come and approach you from your profile pic

If you want kids - you'll have to push dating a little bit, or do the sperm donation thing... Or make peace with not having them and decide what you want if you don't have any

I don't think a holiday changes much but I think the suggestion is coming from the idea of breaking the cycle from what makes you feel shit. So just make a change. Anything. One thing that is out of the blue to what you normally do, because what you normally do is perpetuating the cycle of feeling shit.

Preaching to myself

I've only started realising it in the last 12 months?

Have tried OLD extensively but had no luck.

I get that sometimes it's good to have a moan and offload without wanting people to offer solutions.

I will just say that striving to be ' normal' or living up to your own preconceived ideas of a happy life is setting yourself up for disappointment. Try to focus on what is good in your life.
I wish you luck in finding inner peace.

Thank you :)

Have you thought about volunteering? Some of my most amazing experiences have been through volunteering. I do sports volunteering so helping out at events such as the commonwealth games and Davis cup, not doing the sports, but I see other volunteering opportunities coming up in museums etc.

It is a great way to meet people and to feel good about yourself. It's also free, the only cost is your time.

Firstly even though previous posters have been brilliant ask for this thread to be moved to a more supportive topic than AIBU.

Next why not use this thread as support to change things about your life?

My suggestion is make an appointment on Monday to see your GP to discuss potential depression, people here will support you to make small changes and who knows what your life could look like in only six months.

You sound like a nice considerate person. Don't dwell on your faults. It's mother's day and I suspect that makes you feel inadequate as you don't have children. I'm sure there are plenty of people that feel that way today.

Hi foxes, I'm so sorry you feel this way. It's useful to explore your feelings and get them all out anonymously online, but do you think that defending those feelings here might be helping to reinforce your own beliefs somewhat?
It seems you are focusing on lots of the 'big' themes of life; love, travel, family etc. What about looking into the 'little' things that make a day go by? Are there any sources of happiness there that you can focus on? Small day to day events are the things that lead up to a life well lived, not the big grand plans. If your day to day is really making you sad, can you do one small thing a day to put some light into it? It's rare for many of us to travel, have big love affairs or feel fulfilled by family all the time.

I hope I don't sound patronising...