To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

I'm prejudiced about it because the only time I got unintentionally involved in an 'open' relationship, it all turned to shit very quickly indeed.

But not before I'd legged it, while having a list of 'dirty websites' forced into my hand.

I hate the whole idea of it - it's game playing supreme, in my limited experience.

No, i dont mean i was cheated on, i mean i was fucking two people at the same time and they both knew about it and were unbothered.

How does this

the younger ones are mine from a previous relationship. They haven't met my DP yet

fit with this:

he lives here three days a week, on average. We pay for the house jointly, and furnished the house jointly. He has clothes, books, shoes, toiletries, pictures - his stuff - here.

Your DP lives there half the week, and has all his stuff there, but your young children haven't met him yet?

Can any of the poly folks on here explain to me why the majority of poly relationships seem to involve two women and one man? I mean, I've never heard of a poly triangle with two men and one woman where they all fuck like bunnies together or in any combination. It always seems to be polygyny, with one man getting a free pass to shag two women.

Yes we have all been tested for STDs and we are fluid bonded with each other but both with any other partners if and when they come along.

My EXH doesn't pay child support as I earn more than him and we have a 50/50 custody arrangement anyway. He may ask ME for child support one day, I guess, but I doubt it.

I interpretted it as they have met him, but are unaware of the entire set up at present

Ah, does he live with you while the children are at their dads?

This is so grim. That man sounds revolting. You're both just bits on the side. Gross.

Says me OP and most of the other posters on this thread.

And no I've never been cheated on to my knowledge.

he lives here three days a week, on average. We pay for the house jointly, and furnished the house jointly. He has clothes, books, shoes, toiletries, pictures - his stuff - here.

And your kids don't know you're in a relationship, or they just don't know he's married with another family?

Fifthcolumnist I might respectfully suggest that you simply haven't met enough poly families. I know of all kinds of setups and wouldn't say the one man two women setup is any more common than any other kind in my experience in poly circles.

Indeed MaudGonneMad

Plus I disapprove of adults with children who enter into new relationships in a way that is all about them, and nothing about their children. That applies to any relationship which involves a greater than usual element of risk.

And I think this sort of relationship carries a huge risk of discord, of unhappiness, of confusion or emotional upheaval.

It might not happen, but the more people in it, the more complex the dynamic and therefore, by default, the greater the risk.

My children would rightly disown me if I did something like this.

I am judgmental about it, but only to an extent, because if everyone in it is truly happy, then it's none of my business and I hope it all works out for you.

You've been open about lying to yourself OP.

I'm also genuinely dismayed by the hostility here. The OP isn't asking for approval or opinions on her relationship. Nor is she asking for anyone to define polyamory. Nor is she asking you whether she is polyamorous. She's asking whether there is the need for a polyamorous families section.

I say yes, there should be one. Polyamory is nowhere near as niche as you'd think. There are options for it on dating sites these days. People declare that they are polyamorous or in open relationships and are looking to date with their partners blessing. That's not cheating. Nor is a secondary a fuck buddy. Monogamy isn't for everyone and that's ok.

Whether you approve or disagree with the lifestyle is irrelevant.

And it's really insulting to the OP to suggest she's stupid or being taken advantage of.

Okay, FLUID BONDED?

I am out of here.

What do you suggest phequer? That the father pays nothing at all towards the maintenance of his children? Would you say that to a woman in a monogamous relationship who has step-children for example? Surely it's a bit much to expect the ex to contribute towards another man and his children?

I think it's a bit arrogant to disregard everything the OP is saying and insist that she's being taken advantage of.

This is so grim. That man sounds revolting. You're both just bits on the side. Gross

How is this in anyway helpful? There's no need to be a dick.

Beyond, yes, that's currently the situation, and it's far from ideal. It's the only part of our setup which troubles me.

I want/need to resolve it but it's going to be hard/scary/risky.

It always seems to be the men with two 'partners' doesn't it?

I have yet to hear of a woman with two sexual partners that the man happily accepts.

I wonder why that is?

Perhaps I am ignorant but it comes across to me as a man who wants two women at his beck and call and to fuck but doesn't want to hide it so he convinces them it has a special name. Consenting adults and all that, but I do worry about why they consented, because I can't see how a woman would be happy for her husband to have two women on the go, especially when she isn't getting anything out of this set up really. Going to yoga etc is something you do with friends, I can't see how this woman benefits your life OP really.

This doesn't seem anything like a poly family to me, just a man who is getting his end way and a wife who happily goes along with it. Or a woman who has been manipulated into being fine with it.

Like I said, I'm sure I'm just small minded and ignorant.

I don't personally give a fuck whether there's a forum for PA parenting or not. I sincerely doubt anyone in the thread would oppose it.

What interests me is the games the OP is playing which have nothing to do with PA.

I know of all kinds of setups and wouldn't say the one man two women setup is any more common than any other kind in my experience in poly circles.

By means of the totally scientific method of doing a google image search on "poly families", it does rather seem that the vast majority are pics of two women either side of a man who's wearing a look that says he can't believe he's getting away with this.