To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

Phequer the pony is there is no 'standard poly relationship' we believe in defining our relationships on our own terms, no particular setup has to be the only way.

And you're right, NorthernLurker but I suspect not in the way you meant it. There have been polyamorous relationships and indeed entire cultures since the dawn of time.

I was never claiming it was new, I was suggesting it is perhaps one of the last bastions of prejudice and intolerance.

There was a time a few years back when this place was full of polyamory threads. Loads of them, it was like an organised invasion, someone kept starting threads about it I think and they said there was some kind of 'team' working the threads...

It was very fraught and very strange. I'm naturally suspicious of any relationship that seems to demand universal approval when really, it's none of anyone else's business but yours and your friends'. And any sort of relationship that has teams, and a group mentality (as in desperate to join forces with other couples/triples? in the same situation)

No one else does that, do they? Or use special words like Polycule?

It all reminds me of a 70s film.

There are ponies???

I never said she was unhappy. I've said she had no desire at this point to have a sexual relationship with anyone else.

We're all quite happy with the setup.

We're not fuckbuddies in that our relationships are not primarily about sex, we share finances, feelings, and LIFE with each other and that's far more important. We're all there for one another, all of us.

Is he the father of all the children?

OP, this isn't a polyamorous relationship if two out of the three people involved are only in a relationship with one person. I don't think going to yoga with someone once a week counts as a relationship.
You are monogamous, your DP's other girlfriend is monogamous, it's just your chap whose managing to bonk two women.

Phequer my question was whether it made any difference to your approval or otherwise if the two people of the same gender within a poly setup of three people were also having sex. And if it does, why it does.

Not the mere fact of a same-sex couple, which I agree is obviously not the same thing.

Whether you're happy with the set up has no bearing on whether the relationship is PA. It's not.

I can see why you got a hard time on relationships.

Guessing he was with his other significant other first. Would also bet that he's had previous affairs but this is ok because it's poly.

Phequer, you don't know the people involved. you may not like the idea yourself but that didn't mean they are not all happy consenting adults. There is no one model of a poly relationship. OP has described a "V" where 1 person has 2 partners which is very common. I am also in a "V" but am female. People don't have to live together all under one roof either...

I think a poster who was genuinely in a PA (and I've come across a few) would just start a thread on PA parenting, without this attention-seeking preamble. And they wouldn't attract the kind of replies you do as they would be clearly genuine.

You can discuss whatever you like here, but if you discuss it dishonestly then posters will call you on it.

I kinda feel like this thread maybe is a good example of why a poly families area might be handy. I mean, poly people posting about their relationships is 'an organised invasion' and there's been a massive negative response to this thread as it stands.

I know there are poly families out there and if you add in poly relationships etc then that's a fair bit to talk about.

Surely anything more than a V is way too complicated?
Or you just end up having one or two more stable relationships and have shorter random relationships at the same time.

Anyway...

Parenting in a polyamorous relationship. Section or not?

Honestly? In my little land, poly relationships involve all people being in a relationship and not in a "V". But feel free to do what you want, it doesnt seem to be hurting anyone.

I think its a tad niche for its own board though. Set up a thread and see how that goes (and i dont mean like this one asking for opinions, i mean a 'support' thread)

My friend is in a poly relationship with two men. One is the father of her children, but she lives with the other one and the children. She wanted children but the man she lived with didn't, so she had them with the other partner. They are all in each others' lives and have been from the beginning. It seems to work quite well, but as far as she knows, neither of the men have had other women. She said she would be fine if they wanted to, but she doesnt think they would, which makes me feel she wouldnt be fine with it at all.