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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request mumsnet to add a 'polyamorous families' section under parenting?

868 replies

whycantwegoonasthree · 05/03/2016 15:28

There's every other kind of family type, pretty much, and polyamorous families have some unique joys and challenges that it would be nice to share and discuss.

Or maybe we're the last frontier and even MN aren't ready to go there.

Yet.

OP posts:
BeyondTellsEveryoneRealFacts · 05/03/2016 17:30

In my former, apparently poly "v" relationship (aka two concurrent fuckbuddies), it was me (female) and two males.

But then i wouldnt actually count that as a poly relationship in Beyondland, just a woman who happens to be fucking two men at the same time!!

merseyside · 05/03/2016 17:31

Who was that poly troll a few years ago? The one with the sister shagging in the barn?

Just me?

Original poster
whycantwegoonasthree · 05/03/2016 17:32

Twinklestein

"You've been open about lying to yourself OP."

Really? How's that? Oooh, because you and half the others on here don't believe that my relationship is what I say it is and that I and the other two people in it, are happy.

Right well, you're entitled to your - entirely false and unfounded - opinion, I suppose.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 05/03/2016 17:32

I don't think it is mainly men actually.

I think there are genuinely PA women and quite possibly equal to the numbers of men.

But there are a significant number of women who accept their partner fucking other women and label it PA to avoid pity. That distorts the picture.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 05/03/2016 17:32

So, he 'lives' with you 3 days a week (actually,no,he just stays over at his girlfriends -you!) ,has stuff at your house,contributes to it etc but hasn't met your kids? WTAF

you don't need to tell your kids about you being a bit of fun. Please don't tell them about his real family. And tbh I wouldn't have him having stuff at your house either. He's just for one thing, clearly, and kids should not be involved in that

phequer · 05/03/2016 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NerrSnerr · 05/03/2016 17:34

I don't care about what kind of relationship anyone is in but I find it hard to get my head around having pooled finances with another family and having a man living in the family home three days a week and the children have no idea you have this other life. How about your friends and extended family? Do they know?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/03/2016 17:34

Nope not just you merseyside Hmm

davidcameroon · 05/03/2016 17:34

I think you should start a thread in parenting seeing if you can get a conversation going with other poly parents. I have no idea how common the setup is but if you can create a busy thread then MN may take notice. Smile

I don't think I know any poly parents but I would guess that any issues will be similar to those in blended families or families where the grandparents are very involved with childcare etc. You could twist any dilemmas with that sort of slant to remain anonymous here.

Twinklestein · 05/03/2016 17:35

I believe you've convinced yourself that it is what you say it is. I just don't think you're being honest with yourself.

I've never said you weren't happy, I just said that is irrelevant to the question of whether this setup is PA.

Palomb · 05/03/2016 17:36

So you're the 'other woman' his original woman has had to accept?

I'm always taken aback on here by how little self respect some people have.

Skittlesss · 05/03/2016 17:36

OP, as long as you're happy then it's all okay.

I personally don't get it, but then I'm married to one man and happy with that.

I do think you sound very young and that's probably what's worrying a lot of people about your relationship. You sound a lot younger than your OH and this may look as though he's taking advantage, but only you know whats going on and not us. Apologies if I'm wrong re your age, it is just the way you keep "labelling" things comes across as either being young / immature or being controlled by someone who uses these labels to make things sound 'special' to you (eg fluid bonded = has unprotected sex)

Original poster
whycantwegoonasthree · 05/03/2016 17:36

Clopysow - thanks for the support.

And no, neither I nor any of the other involved in this relationship are the kinds of people to be taken advantage of. Nor are any of us being taken advantage of.

And I am not a dirty little secret, I've met most of his extended family and several friends. He's met some of my friends but not my family yet - but that's been my choice.

The reactions of most contributors to this thread might give you an inkling as to why. And I'm frankly less brave about dealing with other people's disapproval than my DP and OSO who frankly couldn't give a flying fuck whether anyone approves or disapproves of their set up. I really admire that in them.

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 05/03/2016 17:37

It just seems like way too much bother for a shag to me. I'd get a vibrator

Grin
Sallystyle · 05/03/2016 17:38

WTF is fluid bonded?

Hennifer · 05/03/2016 17:38

I honestly, honestly do not want to know the finer details of this. So I vote no topic and take your chances on the usual threads.

There are people who keep llamas, but not enough of them for their own topic.

It's the same thing, but llamas are generally less graphic wrt subject matter.

Hennifer · 05/03/2016 17:39

U2

DO NOT GOOGLE

phequer · 05/03/2016 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happygoluckylady · 05/03/2016 17:40

Surely there are specialist websites or forums for this kind of thing?

FithColumnist · 05/03/2016 17:41

U2HasTheEdge it's where the guy doesn't have to use a condom with either of the women he's shagging. (Possibly because he "doesn't like how they feel"?)

Sallystyle · 05/03/2016 17:41

Too late. I googled.

I'm fluid bonded with my husband. May ask him tonight if he wants to bond some more fluids with me.

Mountainsarehere · 05/03/2016 17:43

My neighbours are a bisexual poly family.

Core unit ie my height ours are mum dad and baby. Married homeowners live together.

Another couple with their own baby other side of town are part of their parenting unit as they say.

Not sure about sexual arrangements between these two families who live in threat own separate units but do weekend childcare for each other school runs are all shared

The neighbour mum will often go away to a spa with the other dad while neighbour dad watches all kids

Neighbour mum currently has 1 girlfriend and 1 boyfriend outside of these two families

Neighbour dad is currently single

They are our very good friends and that's what I have gleaned about the situation. So set ups differ I guess

Original poster
whycantwegoonasthree · 05/03/2016 17:43

I'm 40. DP and OSO are a couple of years older. So we're all consenting adults.

OP posts:
Hamsterpotty · 05/03/2016 17:44

I honestly, honestly do not want to know the finer details of this. So I vote no topic and take your chances on the usual threads.

You could just not read the threads?

DO NOT GOOGLE

It's unprotected sex...

Hennifer · 05/03/2016 17:44

OP, why did we need to be told about this peculiar aspect of your relationship(s)?

Why? Just why?

No one else talks about that sort of thing like it's something special.

That is the whole thing about this. It's like people think they are way ahead of the rest of the human race, they have discovered a way to do exactly what they like, with no problems ever at all about anything, because it's all so forward thinking and special.

Its actually just grotesque.