To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

[Chiup]

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

I am assuming here that under DH's plan, he will be at work all day, sleeping in his own bed and night and possibly being interuppted sleep for the weeks visitors are here (assuming he wakes up to baby's night wakings).

I am thinking that YOU will be at home with 2-3 extra adults to feed, shop for, organise washing, rotate bathroom with etc. You will be the one to settle baby at night, cope with the not-well-rested child during the day, struggle to get day naps in different environment with different things to look at, have nowhere to rest while baby rests, no privacy etc. etc.

Basically YOU are getting the brunt of this, and he is ony marginally inconvenienced??? A month is WAY too long for this (shit).

I'd be looking into alternatives - is going away together with IL's each weekend an option? They could air B&B for 5n and then you go somewhere together for the weekend - time together, see some different places etc. Or maybe YOU could move into the air B&B and leave DH to sort sleeping arrangements with his parents in the 2 bedroom house!!

I am not willing to sleep in the living room, that would mean running upstairs everytime DS woke in night. Also I need my own space and somewhere to escape to. I don't understand this giving up bedroom for guests, I'd be mortified if we visited someone and they had to sleep in living room to accommodate us! If a sofa-bed isn't good enough there is always a hotel or B&B.

The guestroom is small- just room for a double bed, cot and small wardrobe. So if they had our bedroom we'd have to leave all our clothes and DS'clothes in there and keep going in and out to get things.

Yes I will bear the brunt of it. DH is at work so I'll be the one with PILs under my feet all day and a sleep-deprived grizzly baby.

The more I think about it the more I feel I need to put my foot down and insist on AirB&B!

You are being passive aggressive then. You need space: so will your guests.

If you think this intrusive you are hoping they will say don't worry. Just tell everyone that is what you think.

I can see you are in an unenviable position and I would hate it. In your position I'd let my parents/in laws have our bed and either kip in with dc (leaving my clothes in my bedroom) or let dh sleep downstairs and sleep in with dc by myself.

When my ds was 3months and my DD was 18 months, my pil came to stay for a week jn our tiny 2 bed house. DD stayed in her room, dh, ds and I slept in the living room on a sofa bed and a travel cot and PIL had our room because fil needed to be near the bathroom at night due to a medical condition.
It. Was. Hell.
I was hormonal and had no space and it just sucked. Get them into a hotel.

WTF is wrong with some of the posters on this thread!
As it has already been pointed out, it isn't a guest room, its the child's bedroom. There's no way I would be contemplating moving my child out of his bedroom to accomodate guests for a month!!!
Have some of you posters forgotten how delicate and fraught a little one's sleep routine can be?
Your ILs are being v v unreasonable expecting you to cram that many guests into your house. They need to stump up for a b&b, not treat your place like a free hotel. And your husband needs to put his foot down.

Slowly you seem to have forgotten that people simply have different opinions.

I can't believe how U some of u r being, to suggest not to give a room or send them to a hotel etc.

Yes I know 6 weeks is a long time, bit this is his parents we are talking about, they raised him and made him into the person that the poster married. It can be hard work but what if it was her parents who had travelled from overseas, would she have felt the same or put them on a sofa bed.

Keep your room as it sounds bigger. Get your husband to take some annual leave so he can help out and keep tHem entertained, after all it is his parents. After all you can't wait on them hand and foot with a baby.

I have been in a similar situation but my husband was quite helpful even though he is normally useless. Inlaws came for 4 weeks. Hubby took most of the time off work and took them out a lot so I could rest and get time with baby, even sent them on a few mini breaks.

Remember it's only 6 weeks, not a lifetime, even though it will feel like it.
And I'm sure they are travelling quite far so makes sense to come for that time.

You haven't said where they are coming from, will there be cultural differences. If so then expectations need to be discusses with your husband as if they are from an Asian country then their whole mindset is totally different and cn be very rigid. I know from experience and you need to be very tolerant.

Op if you can just pay for them to stay somewhere just do that. That's what I'd do, somewhere to keep their stuff for a start. Even if it meant no holiday. If they want to stay on the sofa bed occasionally then no probs.

That way the visit can be enjoyable rather than something to endure.

I like my in laws, probably more than the average mnetter but I couldn't cope with them in the house for 6 weeks. I am assuming it is a cultural thing as my pil would find a flat somewhere for the same reason. .....

I haven't read the full thread but if you are insistent on your son having his room why don't you and your husband sleep in the lounge and give the inlaws your room? You're being unreasonable and a bit of an arse imho.

Sorry, just read your response to that suggestion. Yabvvu.

I book myself and baby into an AirB&B they can have the whole house then.

This is your baby's room now, it is not a spare room.

So I think those thinking the op is just being difficult either haven't recently had a baby (and the sleep deprivation associated with it) or they were lucky enough to have an angel baby and wrongly assume all babies sleep through the night and will sleep anywhere.

Op yanbu. You are just coming out the other side of the worst sleep deprivation in your life, it is completely understandable that you want to stick with what is working. You need to stop calling it a guest room and be clear with the in laws that you no longer have a spare room but they are welcome to the sofa bed or you will help find them air bnb etc. If it was a couple of days I would be saying suck it up and be accommodating. But a month is way too long and your house isn't big enough. It sounds like you are still having night wakings, it is not unreasonable not to want to go backwards on the sleep training.

And whatever damage is done to the relationship with your in laws by saying you don't have a spare room is nothing compared to the terminal effect of them living on top of you for a month!

Sorry if this has been suggested already, but could you split the time they stay between you and a B&B - say 2 weeks in each? I do think YABU to expect your PIL to sleep on a sofa bed for a month. But on the other hand I think a month of possibly 3 house guests in a 2 bedroom place is a bit much!

it also depends on the kind of sofa bed. ours is really comfy, like a real bed.
I would not give up my bed for anyone!

If they're staying in your house, I would interpret them being put in the living room as making sure they understand you don't want them there. Which you don't - and that's fine, but you need to say.

DF said he wanted to come and visit and I said 'lovely, but please understand I have no leave left, DD is at school, and we won't be able to put you up here because I would murder you because of the need to keep our work/school routine. We wouldn't be able to see you Mon-Thurs, would love to spend Friday night and the weekends with you'. He was able to afford a B&B so did that, plus a mid-week trip somewhere he wanted to go.

However, that was DF not in-laws, and we have the sort of relationship where I can say that.

How often can they visit? What can they/you afford? If this is the first and last time they'll see their grandchild for a few years then I think you need to make more sacrifices than if they can pop over fairly frequently. They are your child's grandparents (and possibly aunt). Presumably you want your child to have a life-long relationship with them. That won't be helped if you explode with stress, but equally won't be helped if they feel unwelcome.

For me, if adults come to visit then children do vacate their room if necessary. Yes, it's their room, but if there is no spare room it is usually less disruptive all round (including to the parents) than the hassle of tripping over people in the living room, having to go to bed when they do etc. That seems normal to me - when friends come because I don't feel the need to murder them DD bunks in with me, and guests have her room (bunk beds or the floor). I make it clear in advance, and then some choose to pay for something more luxurious.

I suggest a frank talk with DH (and he needs to step up and be at home for a good chunk of this), and find a way that they can spend some time with you, and some time away, alternatively, if his family can afford it and it wouldn't destroy relationships, they book somewhere near. (Or do you find you've already booked weekend away with your family, but that's great, DH can have some quality time with his family while you're gone )

And whatever damage is done to the relationship with your in laws by saying you don't have a spare room is nothing compared to the terminal effect of them living on top of you for a month!

Well quite

Oh, and far better if DH does the communicating once the two of you have agreed...

Having them sleeping in the lounge for a month would be a nightmare for them and for you, and sets a precedent you may not wish to follow when your family is bigger and you'll be even more cramped. I'd go with a graceful 'we'll be able to accommodate you this year because we can move DS back into our room, but in future you'll need to make other arrangements'.

So you want your DH's parents to sleep in the living room?

It is the height of rude manners IMO. Honestly.

When you have guests especially from overseas, it is good manners to make their stay as comfortable as possible (using common sense).

Common sense dictates that you move the baby back to your room. I bet you he doesn't sleep through even if you keep him in his own room.

If your property is too small then why did you offer for them to stay?

I will add I had two babies who were horrific sleepers and being on the other side I remember making some decisions to try and protect their sleep (not letting the inlaws see baby sometimes etc etc). Looking back it is a bit embarrassing. Because I can see, long term, that it wouldn't have made a huge difference to sleep.
Op's baby is coming up to 9 months which, from bitter memory, was a bitch of a sleep regression!

The OP recognises it is inhospitable to put them up in a hotel but not to put them on a sofa bed for a month? Nightmare.

I've just remembered that I used to have to move out of my bedroom and share with my brother(s) when my great aunt visited. This would have been a few times a year up until she died when I was in my early teens. It was just something that happened to accommodate a guest. Clearly it didn't affect me at all given I've only just remembered!

I would also say you should dismantle/sell/otherwise remove the double bed from your son's room, so that you/dh/potential visitors are clear that it is no longer a guestroom. It doesn't sound like the room is big enough to keep it in there long term, so if it is only there for you to occasionally collapse on when he's teething then you are prolonging the myth that you have a spare room. You could keep the mattress for you to collapse on, and then actually you could put it on top of the sofa bed to make it more comfortable if necessary. Or get rid completely and just lay on a duvet on the floor when he's sick/teething.

The important part is that you make it FACT that you no longer have a guestroom. If they are around for a month, regardless of where they are staying, they will go in his room at some point. If there is an unused double bed in what looks like a guestroom with a cot shoved in, then, yes, they would have cause to take offence. If it is clfloor a nursery, possibly witha day bed/single bed for when he's bigger/ mattress on the floor, then there is less reason for them to feel offended.

If you didn't have a spare bed in his room I doubt even the most ardent posters would be saying they should sleep there! And going forward there is no reason to keep it as you have a sofa bed downstairs for any occasional visitors.

Until she went into a full sized single bed, DD had the double guest bed in her room and moved out if I had (rare) guests. She even had to move out when her brother broke his leg and couldn't get into his cabin bed.

I also think it does not pass the " do as you would be done by" test.

Do as you would be done by? I would not ever consider descending with three adults on a young family in a two bedroom apartment and expect them to rearrange their sleeping arrangements to accommodate me. To me, a two bedroom apartment would be adults in one bedroom, child in the other, therefore I need to arrange alternate accommodation. It's the height of rudeness to expect people to give up their bed and be uncomfortable for the sake of my own convenience (and cheapness).