To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

[Chiup]

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

I think the only way having guests for a month works (however far they've traveled from) is when they can be more or less self-contained. So people with bigger houses than your, OP, possibly with a guest bathroom as well as a family one, would probably love having their visitors.

But adding two or maybe three more adults into your house when you don't have a spare bedroom is not practical.

If your DH is so insistent they stay, I suggest he takes more than a week off and gets up for the baby in the night.

Surely it is pretty crazy to expect three additional adults to expect to move in to a two bedroom apartment and be waited on for a month? I have a six bedroom house (with only DS and I living here) and I still cringe at the idea of someone wanting to come and stay for a month. The whole dynamics change when you have guests, and regardless of how much space you have, then it's hard to relax. A month is a long time. A week I think is fine, but any longer, and you should be looking at getting your own accommodation for the visit.

Can you ask them to stay for only two weeks and come back another time for another short visit? You will be so stressed. Unless your guests are very helpful I always feel like a bloody hotel manager the whole time I have guests and it's not fair on you to be looking after them and a baby for a whole month.

I've just remembered that I used to have to move out of my bedroom and share with my brother(s) when my great aunt visited. This would have been a few times a year up until she died when I was in my early teens. It was just something that happened to accommodate a guest. Clearly it didn't affect me at all given I've only just remembered!

Likewise, my bedroom was the guest bedroom. Whenever there were guests I had to decamp into my brother's room. It annoyed me though as it was never my brother who had to move - although I suppose from his point of view he had to put up with his little sister in his room. However, that was the way it was. If there were guests, I moved out of my bedroom.

I get that it's much easier to have a baby in their own room if that's where they sleep best. I'm horrible after a bad night's sleep so I'd be done for some serious crime if I was sleep-deprived for a month. But I don't get all the "it's his room, not a guest room!". No, it's a room in a house. If the baby slept better, he could be moved out of it.

YANBU to not want them in your two bedroom house for a month. It's too long for comfort. A weekend, yes.

I imagine they will want their own space too after a week, the idea is always a lot more rose tinted than the reality!

My parents came to stay for over three weeks to help me out when DC2 was born but we all agreed a bit of space in the evening was better for everyone's sleep.

I would ask around friends, write on FB and see if anyone knows a cheap option locally. It doesn't have to be a palace, just somewhere to put their heads down. Most options will be better than the sofa bed! Someone may have a flat or an empty house you can use for a month at a cheap rent. We just asked people at DS's school and found something which was much much cheaper than a hotel would have been. Just a friend of a friend who had an empty granny flat and let friends use it every so often. Even a local b&b may do a good deal if it is for a whole month.

I'd move into the baby's room if you can manage it and either borrow or buy the big inflatable beds, they're called Aero bed, we've got a king size one which has come in really handy over the years but in hindsight I should have bought two singles as that would have been even comfier and more versatile for sleepovers etc. They plug into the socket and you can adjust them with a little button to adjust firmness, mine are a pale blue colour, I think Argos sells them but we got ours on wowcher, don't buy the high ones though as not as comfy or suitable for kids as they fall off, The pils get their own room and bathroom and you're top dil, if they want sil to stay they can have him on their floor.
One thing it's taken me 12 years to learn though is to have a firm word with husband, this will have to be the first and last time this will happen, if the subject comes up again it's up to him to manage his family's expectations at the early stages when the subject is first broached and not make you the bad guy who refuses. But for this time I'm afraid I agree with most people that it would be ungracious at this stage and maybe not very politic to pull out now.

HOWEVER!! Your husband may wish to show how much he appreciates his great wife by giving you some serious lie ins and covering night duties for a few weekends after they've gone. And perhaps the pils would like a couple of evenings in alone chilling and babysitting while you and your husband enjoy a couple of nights out
Good luck, keep smiling, even if it's through gritted teeth x

YANBU. DS woke 3-5 times a night when sleeping with us, moved him into his own room at 6 months and he slept through. If Id suddenly taken him back in with me, for even one night, we would have risked this and once the cycle is broken, it can carry on for years with night waking once again. OP has to put her DS and herself first as this is long term health/sanity that's at stake versus the in laws staying for a month (utter insanity) and how comfortable they might be.
I'd have not wanted to risk this either.
I would write very friendly, apologetic email clearly explaining this all and either suggesting some alternative accommodation with links you have found or suggest they come at a later date once DS sleep regime well settled...and for less time!

Did the OP ever post back?

Actually just buy one single. Husband ( I don't feel like calling him darling) can sleep on the sofa bed downstairs

Why on earth are they staying for a month? If your DH can only get a week off work, then offer for them to stay with you for that week.

Wow I feel your pain.... A month is a long time to host visitors. My PIL are old fashioned and tend to wait for us to make all the meals and cups of tea etc while my mum is there running the Hoover around and knocking up the spag Bol. I wonder if your reluctance to disturb your son is down to a general reluctance to have them in the house for that time. ( that's quite a long time to impose yourself on someone). I think overall you need to give them th guest room otherwise it's going to be a nightmare....particularly if they have jet lag or go to bed really early. I predict you're going to spend lots of time hiding in ththe bedroom or kitchen

Yabu, but so are they coming for a month and expecting to camp out in a small house, especially if another adult is also coming too. Sounds like my idea of hell. You'll be running a guest house for a month.

Ugh totally agree. Hell. I'd never do that to anyone - friends or family - and none of our family would do it to us. You don't have the room. A few nights maybe but a month? Ugh.

A month is a long time to have guests and that's when you have a spare bedroom

To have double the people in a 2 bed house is insane for a month. Long weekend yes. Month no.

To have ds in your room after learning to sleep alone will mean you have a month of disrupted sleep. Then have to train him again

Makes more sense to sleep elsewhere

Thanks everyone

I'm going to discuss it with DH and beg him to let me book them into a holiday flat or Air B&B if we cover the cost. I think it will be way too overcrowded having 3 extra adults in a 2-bed house. DH thinks we just have to adapt but I want space to hang out wet washing, space for DS' toys etc without feeling like we're all on top of each other.

And I agree, a sofa-bed is not really suitable.

I would never dream of landing me and OH on either of my daughters for a month if they only had a two bed house and a young baby. I think it is your ILs who are being U especially if SIL comes too. They should stay elsewhere overnight and meet up with you in the day. As a GM of a 5 month old bad sleeper which we sometimes have overnight to give my daughter and SIL a break it is no small thing to have a grizzly overtired baby especially when you are sleep deprived and have to cope with visitors for that long. A month is also an unreasonably long visit especially when your OH only has a week off. I don't see why you should cover the cost either. It is their visit. Can they not afford to book into a B and B? How on earth can they get a month off work or do they not work? Are they coming from a long way away?

Also have any of these posters suggesting the baby get moved into the lounge actually had children or forgotten how unpredictable babies are with sleeping at that age?

No guest would be sleeping in our bedroom. I would either suggest Inlaws for 2 weeks in baby room or they stay elsewhere. Make it clear no room for SIL. If I want to see people and no room at their house I expect to sort out accommodation just like any other holiday. I don't get this desire to squish up and be miserable rather than tell people it would be lovely to see you but we don't have room for you to stay

Yes, I think if you can cover the cost then an apartment would be perfect.
And I agree that a sofa bed in a lounge is very unwelcoming.
But if it does come to them staying, is it really the end of the world? They are family and this is one month out of your life. Your baby will have no memory of where he slept.
I do think you're being a bit precious, sorry.
I would personally be seeing it as an opportunity for them to really get to know the baby.
I'm shocked there are so many unwelcoming/uptight people commenting on here!! You never know when you will need somebody else's generosity!!!

Chiup - have you done any research on how much it would cost for PILs to stay elsewhere and how close they could stay? May be worth doing that before speaking to DH about it. You might find somewhere really close.

I also think a compromise is good, maybe 2 weeks at yours with DS in your room or living room and then 2 weeks away, once everyone sees how unsustainable it is.

Oh and yes Cornishclio I did in fact have a baby and didn't cope well with lack of sleep, I recommended living room ( moving from cot in bedroom to travel cot) as I'd rather get most of a nights sleep rather than be woken up by baby every time my DH snored or I needed to go to the loo.

Your DH is being unreasonable and not supporting you. Why should you pay for their holiday? Does your DH not realise how stressy it will be for five adults and a small baby in a two bed house for four weeks? He is not being realistic.

Actually the PILS are not being supportive either unless they are so poor that the flights alone have eaten every last penny.

Alternatively, suggest to your DH that they have your home and you and the baby move out for a months. See what he says to that! Month long Guests are incredibly stressy.

Hmm. I had a guest stay for ten days just after we did sleep training at 9m. DS came back into our room and it completely fucked up the sleep training. I didn't feel i could ask her to sleep on the sofa after travelling so far (US-UK), but I did wish it hadn't been so soon after sleep training.

They are retired. SIL works full time. They are coming from the Middle East where the culture is different... you bend over backwards to accommodate guests. I'm worried they may think it rude and unwelcoming if we don't make space in our house, but even with them in the guestroom and SIL on sofa-bed it will still be a squeeze. Usually I take DS into lounge or play on the guestroom bed in the mornings- with 3 guests I'll have nowhere to take him at 5am as DH will still be asleep in bed and our bedroom is tiny with no space to play. Kitchen is tiny too.

It would be easier if they had their own place then came to ours for breakfast each morning and left after dinner in the evening so I can settle DS and have a bit of breathing space.

I'd love to be the type of person who enjoys a busy crowded house and is always sociable... but I'm not like that! I'm an introvert and I get stressed when I'm around people 24/7. I like to be showered, dressed and made up before facing people even extended family.

Also there is the issue of where to put all our stuff if they have guestroom... we keep all DS' toys, car-seat, pram, clothes, cot linen, playmat, baby carrier, nappies, weaning stuff etc in his room (guestroom). Before he moved out of our bedroom we still kept his stuff in guestroom but emptied it when we had guests. So on top of stress of guests I had to wade through piles of stuff on our bedroom floor everytime I needed something and it overflowed into lounge and hall.

We are planning to move to a bigger house next year so in future will have ample room for PILs. It's just this first visit- I don't want to be tense and snappy because we're overcrowded, but equally don't want to upset them