Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

307 replies

Chiup · 02/03/2016 14:33

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
funkky · 03/03/2016 09:11

This is very unfair on the family coming. It's hospitable for you to let them have your baby's room. Inconvenient yes, but the best thing to do.
It's only for a month, they are probably just overjoyed at the thought of seeing you all and are not thinking how uncomfortable anyone else will be. Hope when your child grows up he doesn't do same to you when you go visit.

Lilyargin · 03/03/2016 09:14

Agree with Believeitornot - absolute height of bad manners, and you know this, or you wouldn't need to post.

randomsabreuse · 03/03/2016 09:48

I think the guest room thing is actually a red herring. We have a fairly big house with a biggish downstairs but there is no way I could have relations stay for a month. How are you for sofa space, kitchen space, where will you eat, dry washing, wash up.

My major rage point with my ILs is mornings - they faff about. If we get up at the same time they faff around the kitchen being talkative and inefficient when I just need to acquire breakfast and eat it while 6 mo amuses herself. I'm not sociable until I've had breakfast.

There's also the boundaries/interference issue. Commenting on parenting choices, helpful advice about settling at night at 3am - these things are far more likely to break the relationship than not having them to stay, particularly if your DH is out all day (and starts staying later at work to keep out of the way).

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 03/03/2016 09:51

Op, suggest AirBnb. I couldnt have guests that long. Even my very dear friend whom I have known since I was 5 and love dearly. One of us would get hurt. Probably me, as she is taller.

coconutpie · 03/03/2016 10:10

And there it is - your DH has offered them to stay yet he'll be off at work all day letting YOU bear the brunt of their visit! No, no, no and no. They will not be staying with you. Tell DH that it's not up for negotiation, you do not have the space.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/03/2016 10:12

How much time off is your husband proposing to actually take off ?

descalina · 03/03/2016 10:14

Having inlaws to stay for a month when you only have a 2 bed house and a child is clearly ridiculous. So of course YANBU.

It would kill my relationship with anyone spending so long in such cramped conditions. So I wouldn't do it.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/03/2016 10:16

Me too Soup right up to around 15 yrs when we moved to a bigger house. I wasn't allowed to decorate the room I shared with a sister at all so it even looked like a guest bedroom.

If your SIL is coming too then either way you have having someone on the living room sofa unless she is prepared to share with your DS.

I would:
Agree to them staying provided that your DH takes a minimum of 2 weeks off to spend with them. Then make that two weeks a holiday away somewhere with more space. You are presumably on mat leave so why not?
If he's not keen then their visit needs to be a) shorter or b) accommodated elsewhere.

gotthemoononastick · 03/03/2016 10:30

I am a Mil and would not a damn be able to be on a sofa- bed in the sitting room for one night,never mind with Dh and Dd in tow! You are not unreasonable!

Your house is too small OP.B/B close by,or last resort a tent in the garden would be preferable.You can hire nice ones....and portable lavatories.

If your Dh will be working whilst you host alone,the visit will be a nightmare!Do not be talked into this!

IslaSinga · 03/03/2016 10:31

He is only 8 months old - he'll be fine back in your room for a bit and then you can move him back after the visit m. Simple!

IslaSinga · 03/03/2016 10:33

But, a month long visit sounds like a bit of a nightmare!

ZiggyFartdust · 03/03/2016 10:36

You either host them properly and give them the room, or you don't host them at all. Either way is ok, as long as you are upfront about it.
But this half assed, clearly don't want them so make them as uncomfortable as possible setup that you are suggesting is the worst option of all, and very unreasonable.

squoosh · 03/03/2016 10:39

OP you still have my sympathies. I wonder how many of the people telling you that you're being rude would be models of graciousness if they were the ones having three guests coming to stay in their two bed house for six weeks.

squoosh · 03/03/2016 10:41

This is very unfair on the family coming

It's only for a month

Only a month......

Original poster
Chiup · 03/03/2016 10:42

DH can only get 1week off work.

If they were coming for a week I would be happy to put DS in with us but a month (maybe longer) is a long time to have broken nights and a grizzly tired baby. I want them to enjoy their visit but I want to enjoy it too and I don't want to be stressed, exhausted and snappy. They are lovely people and they are meeting grandson/nephew for first time. If they stayed in AirB&B I'd be happy for them to spend all day at our house and just leave when it's time to sleep. We're planning lots of trips and excursions and might take a holiday cottage the week DH is off so we can explore.

I find having guests very difficult. I have to get up around 5am with DS and it's hard to keep him quiet and stop him waking everyone. I also hate being seen in my PJs. I'd love to be showered, dressed and have DS fed then have PILs come over for a family breakfast, and leave in eve so I can have an hour to unwind before I go to bed. Maybe that is inhospitable? I just feel we'd all be happier if we're not crammed into a small house.

There is also the issue of noise, our walls are thin and stairs creaky and DH and his family like to stay up very late chatting and playing board-games. I still do a night feed and DS can take a while to settle so sleep is precious. I don't want to have to keep telling them to be quiet!

Just looked at holiday apartments they are around 2k for a month Shock

When my parents come they get a hotel as they like their own space. When we have friends here they're happy with the sofa-bed.

I don't want to upset PILs or DH but it seems like a recipe for disaster having them in our house. Feel like I'm going round in circles trying to find a solution. We could dismantle bed and reassemble it downstairs but would then have no lounge!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 03/03/2016 10:50

I wouldn't have guests for a whole month unless necessary but it should have been discussed when arranged. If they do stay at your house you cannot expect them to stay in the living room.

strawberrypenguin · 03/03/2016 11:05

I don't think that's inhospitable at all OP.
If you want a middle ground could they stay a week with you and the rest on a hotel? Reduces the costs for them a bit. Also make the week they spend with you the first one (ensuring they actually have a hotel booked for after) and don't try to hard to keep DS quiet at 5am! They'll soon realise why you asked them to stay in a hotel!

Personally I think you wouldn't be unreasonable not to have them stay at all, you've said you are happy to have them all day and you simply don't have enough sleeping spaces for everyone. Also a month of rubbish sleep you could easily avoid seems like hell.

toomanyeggs · 03/03/2016 11:18

No, I don't think you are.

If you move your son back now, you risk having a hell of a time to him re-adjusting again, not just once, but twice. Once when he goes back in with you, (and after being in with you for a month, you'd expect him to start settling again)...then you will move him back to his room when they leave, only to have to re-adjust AGAIN!

How is that fair??

Also, it isn't the "guestroom" is it? It's his bedroom!

I had PIL stay with me, in a 2 bed house, for 4 weeks. We didn't have children then, but even so, it was unbearable. We gave up our bedroom for them, and slept in the smaller room & each night FIL would come though our room (the bathroom was off the smaller bedroom) for his nightly shower & then back again 30mins later ...so I couldn't relax at all if in bed! If not in bed, I wouldn't be able to go to bed until midnight...and as I was the only one of the four of us at work (dh had the whole time off) I was passed knackered & close to tears for the last two weeks. And as I said, I didn't have grizzling children to tend to!

It's bloody hard having people to stay in such a small space.

Cathun · 03/03/2016 11:22

My suggestion would be you need to think really hard and honestly to yourself what YOU really want, never mind about anyone else opinion. No one else lives your life. It seems to me you are scared to be honest in case you upset everyone else but you are basically telling yourself everyone else's needs come before yours and that isn't true. You have a right to feel comfortable in your own home. And you also have a right to express your feelings. You might have to compromise a little but be honest with your husband, if you don't you are in for 2 month's worth of resentment which for me would end up in an explosion! That would definitely not make for a happy visit for any of you and would definitely affect your baby.

funkky · 03/03/2016 11:25

Would be nice to not miss the point here. I had my In laws stay two weeks and it was a nightmare never mind a month BUT op has not asked if it is ok for them to stay a month, she asked if ok for them to stay in lounge and I think that's not fair to guests who have travelled from far who may not be aware of your living conditions when there is a room with a baby.

missfeelingdown · 03/03/2016 11:28

Shock can't believe how difficult you're being. Just take some spare clothes and go and sleep in your son's room

squoosh · 03/03/2016 11:30

She's not being 'difficult'. What a stupid thing to say.

boredofusername · 03/03/2016 11:34

I don't think you are being particularly U but can baby sleep in lounge instead?

coconutpie · 03/03/2016 11:57

Bored - read the thread! The baby cannot sleep in the lounge because that's where all the adults will be chilling out!

EssentialHummus · 03/03/2016 11:58

bored - I suggested the same thing 9 pages ago, but either this baby is a particularly sensitive sleeper who can't be moved into the lounge at (adult) bedtime, or this is otherwise not feasible for reasons I can't imagine, as there have been veritable howls of derision at the idea of the baby sleeping in the lounge. I don't get it. That's what I'd be doing or putting PILs in hotel.

Swipe left for the next trending thread