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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

307 replies

Chiup · 02/03/2016 14:33

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WonderingAspie · 02/03/2016 21:03

YANBU. It's your home, not a hotel. It's not a guest room, it's your child's bedroom. When me and my nan used to go and stay with my aunt, my nan used to sleep on the sofa (that's what she preferred) and I had a pull out bed in my cousins room. Not once was a child made to give up a bedroom to accommodate guests and I'd never expect it.

coconutpie · 02/03/2016 21:04

Move the baby into the lounge or into the ensuite bathroom?! WTAF?! Have people gone mad!! Outrageous suggestions.

There is simply no room at the inn here - no way would I sacrifice one month of sleep because ILs wanted to visit. There is no room and the idea of them sleeping in lounge is crazy anyway as you'll have no place to retreat in the evenings. And I would not give up my bedroom to anybody either. They can book somewhere to stay.

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2016 21:05

OP, what's the financial situation like? If I were visiting my son/daughter and partner and children for such a long time I would far rather stay in a comfortable hotel.

Katarzyna79 · 02/03/2016 21:07

i think youre being unreasonable your baby will not suffer if she/he is in your room for a month.

But i think your in laws and your husband are far more unreasonable. They know you're in a 2 bed with no extra reception rooms or bedrooms, so why do they presume they can stay at yours? They should have offered to stay in a B&B or hotel or not come?

what about your husband why doesn't he speak up? He needs to kindly tell them you lack space, or use his money to put them up. I wouldn't be able to afford the bill for a month in a hotel, would be crazy money.

ive waited on sil's family of 6 for 1 week. i was expected to provide all meals starting from breakfast time, and no i got no offers of help from sil, she chilled while i served up and cleaned daily like i was running a B&B service. i used to go bed after dinner and clearing up, i was that tired. i have a possible autoimmune disease which used to leave me limping by the end of the day because of the strain on my legs. who cared anyone or even my husband hell no. i could hear them socialising laughing, watching movie, while i was upstairs because i was stiff with pain in my legs.

i wouldn't do it for a month even if i had space, unless i knew they would be doing as much as they could themselves. i.e after first 2 days no more guest, grab your own breakfast. help me make meals?, help me clean up? Will you be expected to wait on them completely?

WonderingAspie · 02/03/2016 21:08

imperial I'm also laughing at the great idea of the baby going in the en suite! How big are people's en suites ffs! I've never seen one that can accommodate a cot.

blublutoo · 02/03/2016 21:17

I haven't read the whole thread. However, I think you're being really unreasonable. Babies are portable. Just move his cot into your room while they are here. At least then they can go off and rest / have some space during the day! If you make them stay on the sofa then that's very unwelcoming.

Mybrainisjelly · 02/03/2016 21:24

Chiup I can understand ur predicament. But look at it this way. It is just 6 weeks of cramped space and no privacy after which u get appreciate the peace and quiet AND the space all the more. Chin up :)

cornishglos · 02/03/2016 21:51

Why don't you move into his room and give your guests your room?

MissBattleaxe · 02/03/2016 21:58

I've got an idea. Put the baby in the living room and then your guests have to go to their room every time he sleeps. You can put the telly in the your bedroom and never have to socialise with them! You're welcome.

ImperialBlether · 02/03/2016 22:15

Great idea, MissBattleaxe! Let's hope the baby sleeps a lot!

Moomintroll85 · 02/03/2016 22:36

We have a small 2 bed and a toddler and there is no way in hell I'd have the PILs (or my parents) staying even for a weekend unless it was an emergency as there's just no room. But for A MONTH? I can't even imagine how that would be possible.

LittleBearPad · 02/03/2016 22:50

You're being completely unreasonable and very rude. If you don't want them to come tell your husband. Otherwise move in with your son. Having guests living in your sitting room will be horrible.

BennyTheBall · 02/03/2016 22:58

Well, if I were your ILs, I would book a hotel as your house is too small for everyone to be comfortable.

However, if they didn't do this, I would put them in the spare room and treat them like welcome guests, as this is good manners.

Iflyaway · 02/03/2016 23:03

Very selfish of family to come and expect to stay for a month - and bring the daughter! - and expect you to accommodate them with all their self-centered needs when you have an 8-month-old.

Personally I'd be telling my DH he can rent a local apartment. Ever heard of Airbnb?

What the fuck is wrong with these entitled people nowadays. Family or not.

SmallBee · 02/03/2016 23:07

I haven't read the thread but I don't think you are being unreasonable as such. It took us so long to get DD to sleep properly I was loath to do anything to change/risk thst even for one night let alone a month.
However can you give them your room and you and DP can take the sofa bed?

Xmasbaby11 · 02/03/2016 23:21

Yabu. Dd2 is 2 and sleeps much better in her own bed, but every time my parents come to stay, dd sleeps in our room. They have been here for most of the last 6 weeks. Dh is on his knees with lack pf sleep. However, we do have a large downstairs so it doesn't feel cramped.

This is a really long stay and I wouldn't be looking forward to it either!

shinynewusername · 02/03/2016 23:28

YANBU to be faint with horror at your ILs staying for a month. YABU to make the poor bastards sleep on a sofa bed for that entire time.

TheMaddHugger · 02/03/2016 23:32

Not being unreasonable. a month cooped up in a small apartment Shock wowza

Fish and sleep over guests smell in 3 days

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))) OP

Original poster
Chiup · 03/03/2016 04:01

TBH I'm hoping they will get a hotel/airB&B if we warn them guestroom is now DS' room. I don't want them in our tiny house for a month!! It's too cramped and intrusive. We could help with costs or sacrifice our annual family holiday to pay for their costs which I'm prepared to do but DH less so. He would rather they stay with us.

There isn't space for us to move into guestroom with DS, unless we put our clothes etc in lounge. And he won't sleep well with us in there.

OP posts:
houseeveryweekend · 03/03/2016 04:10

Could you not sleep in the living room? That's what we do when my parents come over to stay (they live abroad).
I prefer it to moving my LO as he is 9 months and just started to sleep through. I agree with you its best to keep LO in his own room. I would never bring him back into our room as id never sleep and I certainly couldn't manage that for a month. Ive no problem with me and DH sleeping on the sofa bed in the living room.

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 03/03/2016 04:12

In context of how old your child is a month longer in with you is nothing. You do seem to be being deliberately unwelcoming and awkard for the sake of it, or at least that is how it will come across to them. I am amazed your DH is not putting his foot down to be honest.

I think you will actually find having them sleeping in the lounge to be far more of an inconvenience than moving your son back in with you. What happens when they want to go to bed and you don't? Or you want to get up really early with the baby and they are still fast asleep?

MaryRobinson · 03/03/2016 04:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ingenvillvetavardukoptdintroja · 03/03/2016 04:30

I don't think she's worried about baby having his own room as much as her and her partner having no sleep for a month!
My 11 months old just will not sleep at all with us in the same room at the moment. We just had him in with us for 2 nights while hosting and it was awful. So hard to be polite and friendly host on no sleep.... And for a month! I don't know what the solution is but you're getting a hard time on here.

NerrSnerr · 03/03/2016 04:32

It shouldn't be a problem you keeping your clothes in the living room for the duration because I assume that's what your inlaws would have to do. If you didn't want them to stay you should have told them from the start. If they do stay at yours you would be extremely rude to make them sleep in the living room.

mmgirish · 03/03/2016 04:37

I live overseas and have family visit us each year. They often stay for a month but I wouldn't ask them to sleep in the living room. I would be too embarrassed to do that. I think that YABU to not move your baby in to let them have a proper room - that would be the most respectful thing to do with your husband's parents.

However, if you feel very strongly about your baby's sleep training (as you are entitled to feel) then pick up the phone and tell your PIL. They would probably be mortified if they thought that their visit was causing so much turmoil.

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