To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

[Chiup]

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

Your house isn't big enough for an extra 3 people, that's ridiculous.
If they are coming for that long they will need a proper bed, not a sofa bed.
So, either speak to them about booking a hotel for part/all of it or suck it up and move baby out of your guest room.

Urgh....

PPs are right that making your DH's parents sleep on a sofa bed for a month is not exactly welcoming.

It sounds more like you are subconsciously searching for a way to prevent them living with you for a month (which I think is perfectly reasonable, tbh. I find a weekend at the in-laws hard work, so the thought of a whole month... )

Staying in a hotel for a month is going to be really expensive for them, though. As pp have said, a self-catering apartment might be better, if it's low season a b&b might do a decent rate for a booking that long...

You'll need to sell it to both your DH and to them as it being for their benefit though...

• the baby will wake them up, right? Surely they don't want a month of broken nights when they're supposed to be enjoying themselves?
• even if you give up your room, or move the baby into your room, it'll still be a squash - maybe they'd all like the space and privacy they'd have in other accommodation?
• if they're staying elsewhere then they don't have to fit around your routine, they'll have more flexibility for things they do independently? (please, please, there will be some of those, surely?)
• do you have the space/facilities to cope with the laundry requirements of 5 adults + baby? (scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but if you currently dry the washing in your living room it's going to get pretty tricky about 3 days in...)

It sounds like you have some time in which to gently guide your DH towards the idea that his parents would be better off in their own space. It will work best if he thinks it's his own idea, and sound more genuinely-meant if you simultaneously start banging on about how lovely it will be to see them, how much it means to you that your DS gets to know them, what lovely ideas you have for things that you can do together when they visit, how you want to make sure the trip is a success, etc etc...

YABU and a bit rude. Your baby can just move back in with you or you can move in with him and let your Pil sleep in your room.
You can't expect them to sleep on.the sofa bed for a month. They wouldn't have any privacy and neither would you as they wouldn't be able to go anywhere to get out of your space.
Saying that though a month does seem a long time for them to be staying.

It's a real pain having people sleeping in the lounge for longer than a couple of days - every single morning the whole bed & bedding have to be dismantled, the bedding put somewhere, the bags moved around, people have to traipse to & fro to the bathroom, & then the reverse every evening - just awful & unreasonable IMO for that length of time.

Put the baby in your room - he/you will be fine - you can do the sleep training from the lounge

Of course you are being unreasonable, inhospitable, and even disrespectful and rude.

The child clearly doesn't need a room and one month without it is totally fine. They are staying for a month - it is so logical.

I'd follow Oysterbabe's list of options, in the same order. And from now on (ie before the relatives arrive) call the second bedroom X's room. Stop calling it a guest room unless you are happy to have guests use it.
Good luck, you're a more tolerant woman that me!

I am old enough to be the mil. If I had to spend a month on a sofa bed and with nowhere to retreat to/put my things then I wouldn't be going.
but maybe thats what the op wants?

YANBU. And it's not a guestroom any more, is it? It's your baby's room. Why should his routine be disturbed as the GPs have decided to drop in (for too long)?

We live overseas and quite frankly, don't have the space or time to accommodate all of the visitors who want us to 'just put them up for a few weeks'. Sorry, but my children are my priority and I'm not operating a hotel. The apartment nearby is the way to go, with lots of family meals and so on spent at home together.

We had family guests stay at Christmas. My oldest DS 11, moved out of his room to share with DS2, 7, for the guests to stay on a sofa bed in his room. I really don't see the problem with having him back in your room for a month.

Inviting people into your home and then making them sleep on the sofa for a month when there's an alternative is rude. Calling it the baby's room rather than a guest room makes no difference. Giving up his room for a month won't harm him, and it'll probably make the visit less crowded and difficult for everyone.

If you don't want them visiting, just tell them to go to hotel. It may not be hospitable but neither is your current plan.

I think that having peole staying for a month can be hard.
My grandparents used to do that and I remember it been quite nice (child's pov) but I know my mum would say something completely different [grin[.
They were sleeping in the living room too.

Imo, you don't have a guest bedroom anymore, you have a child's bedroom.

I would have no issue for my child to sleep in my room for a few days but for a month it's a long time.
And a month on the sofa for your PIL will be long too (issue with when you are going to bed, wanting a bit of privacy - for them- etc). It can work well if you get along OK. If you are strugglinng to do so within a short time, then not such a good idea.

Hamster - she didn't invite them...

It's not the room that's the issue, it's the fact that it is a month! In a two bedroomed place? Awful idea.

If I were you I would start from scratch with DH and find somewhere else for them to stay, perhaps for a shorter time if they can't afford a month. If they stay with you in your small place for a month, either with them not having their own room to relax in, or you getting stressed about the baby, then it is going to be hell and relations will be forever damaged between you. Including between you adn your dh.

Please change the arrangements! Makes me stressed for you just thinking about it.

I'd go through with the month long visit if I knew it was a one off and they wouldn't be expecting to have a Spring sojourn of such a duration every year!

You haven't room for 3 adult guests for a month.

I would say though, as it is all planned, you should move DS in with you on this occasion on the understanding that the next time they come they get an air bnb.

Do you want them to come and stay? If not I think you should say so.

I can understand exactly how you feel but I think a discussion is needed.

I agree it would be preferable if they used some rental accommodations rather than your home.

If they must stay with you, give them your room and you and your husband sleep on the sofa bed. I would never expect guests to sleep in a common area. Or, move the baby to your room and give them the guest room.

If you have a double bed available in your son's room your PILs be very disappointed not to be able to use it. For this visit, you should move your son back in with you and give them his room.

Before next years visit, you can decorate up the room for him, remove the double bed and pay for room-only airbnb for them if they're coming for this long again if you really want, and if they know in advance that's the arrangement. But with only an 8 month old DS, it sounds really rude of you not to put him in your room and give them his for this visit, sorry.

If they stay in the lounge for a month it will be stressful for all of you. They'll have nowhere to put their stuff, or get dressed. The bed will need putting up and down every day for a month. You'll have no flexibility to go to bed at different times to each other and no quiet and privacy from each other at any time. A month is too long to have anyone on your sofa!

Namechangenell I know there was no formal invitation, but there was an expectation on both sides that they'd visit and the OP has agreed to host them. Making them sleep in the living room for a month so the baby can have his own double bedroom is inhospitable and unkind.

I actually wouldn't be able to cope with visitors staying for a month, but in the unlikely event of me agreeing to it, I would try my best to be a good host.

You are getting a hard time on here and obviously don't think you are being unreasonable but in order to make it a happy stay, and for future interactions to be amicable, you need to get your head round it and find a solution that works and is reasonable.

A month on the sofa bed is not reasonable.

I understand the horror of sleepless nights and how shattering it is at the 8 month stage. DS1 was a shocker and sharing with him at that age meant sleepless nights that put us back weeks in progress in terms if his sleep.

Where will SIL sleep if you are in your room, DS is in his room and PIL are in the living room?

I actually think they are being U for wanting to stay for a month in your little 2-bed house. A week - yes. Even two is pushing it. But a month? Hell no!

I think since you're still at the planning stage your DH should suggest they come for a shorter time and for that week or two you and the baby will have to share. Its not ideal, but its a darn sight better than having people sleeping in the bloody living room every night and all the palaver that entails.

Is the en suite the only bathroom?

Obviously when DS was at that age, it was easy to assume that if you broke the sleep routines the house will collapse and the world will come to an end. FYI it doesn't.

It is incredibly rude sending them to the sofa bed when there is a spare double bed your child doesn't need.

I'm pretty sure you will offend them greatly, specially if they come from a culture where elders are given a preferential treatment as a show of respect or in consideration of age related ailments.

I know I would kill my mother (and visceversa) if we spent a month together under the same roof. I also think it is rude to visit for a month, but there are ways around it: when my parents visit from abroad they normally make the point of staying for a week, going traveling without us for a week and then come back for a few days before they head home. It works well for us. Can your DH take them away to give you some space? That way the poor man can enjoy the company of his family, who I very much doubt he sees often at all, without falling out with you at such level of disrespect/irrational concern about disturbing a baby's bed time routine.

You are happy to let adult family share an uncomfortable sofa bed in the living room that has to be put up and taken down, where they will be squashed up for a month but leave an 8 month old baby in his cot in the second bedroom?

I sympathise completely with you.

All very well saying put DS back in with you but when you have a terrible sleeper a month is a very long time (and I'm betting it will be you who will be having to spend half of the night trying to settle him in vain). Having stayed overnight with my ILs and shared with DS1 and been up literally all night with him, to the point it's ruined the following day, when we visit ILs now we rent a cottage for the weekend to avoid sharing a room as he just won't sleep if we're in the room with him. It's a difficult one.

I would give them your room, leave baby sleeping in usual room and you have sofa bed. A baby monitor would be useful. And if you need your space in the day then you can always take baby up to his room for a play or nap (you too!)