To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

[Chiup]

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

A month of them sleeping in the living room will cause a lot disruption, I would put them in double bedroom and move baby back in.

Why are they staying a month?

YANBU. It is very unreasonable of these people, relatives or not, to descend on you for a whole month. Even more unreasonable of them to think they can bring an extra person and have three extra adults in a two bedroomed flat. Very very unfair of them.

I think they ABU for staying a month. In a two bed. Five adults and a baby who will be crawling/starting to walk?! For a month?!

Quite aside from the fact that you will have no living to to relax in, no matter who sleeps where, there will be extra stuff everywhere that DS will have a whale of a time going through, putting in his mouth, hiding, etc etc. I am probably being terribly inhospitable but even the thought makes me stressed!!

YANB remotely U to want your DS left to sleep in peace in his own room. Gobsmacked that anyone thinks you are, never mind this slew of accusations of rudeness, disrespect, inhospitability etc. I can't see having the ILs on the sofa for a month is going to work though. For me the compromise would be to let them have your room while you sleep on the sofabed. I don't really understand the stuff about you having to be on the same floor as DS. But then I don't understand why teething means you would suddenly sleep in the same room as him again, having said he sleeps better on his own. Oh and yy to everyone who has said using a bed as a play area is a bad idea.

But fundamentally the problem is that having 2 or even 3 adult guests for a month+ in a 2-bed house isn't really a reasonable proposition in the first place. I would only have someone extra sleeping on our sofa for more than a night or two (or us sleeping on it so they could have our room) in an emergency, e.g. homelessness, illness, etc. I'd be investigating holiday lets. Unless you move to a much bigger house, this is going to arise again in the future and you may as well start as you mean to go on.

OP I can sympathise. I remember being so delighted once DS moved to his own room - I really struggled when we went away to visit folk and had to share a room with DS who woke up at 1am convinced it was morning time.

Therefore I'd certainly not be keen to sign up to sharing a room with your DS for a month.

The one option that seems feasible to me if you're all to share a room is ILs in DS room and DS downstairs in living room. He'll be a bit older so hopefully won't wake up as much and if you have a baby monitor then you'd be there pretty quickly.

You can put DS to bed normally and then move him to a travel cot downstairs when you go to bed. Bit of a faff but at least you aren't in the room with him and to me the occasional waking is outweighed by the comfort of sleeping in your own bed and having iLs out of the way.

Your DS will need to get used to sleeping in different environments at some point when you go on holiday so might as well do it now.

As grandparents I would feel quite upset if we were expected to sleep on a bed settee in the lounge. We've done it for weekends and it's uncomfortable but manageable but there's the big lack of privacy and having to move your clothes and possessions out of the way and people popping into the lounge to get things etc when you're trying to sleep or getting dressed etc
I would feel insulted, I would put up with it because I want to see my grandchildren and spend time with them but I would also consider not staying there again.
The other issue is that, to me, family is important and it's good for children to have an extended family for all sorts of reasons, so all that can be done to foster this should be done - that includes making an effort to make your in laws welcome

YANBU.

If they don't want to sleep on the sofa bed they can book a hotel.

Guests for 6 weeks?! I could not cope with that, regardless of which room they were sleeping in.

Is your DP going to be off work, or will it be you and them Monday-Friday? Personally I would arrange a holiday let, as it sounds lose-lose: If you sleep in with your DS you will both be sleep deprived. If your ILs sleep in the living room you will be tiptoeing around.

The thing about guests is that you need space from each other. They need a room they can disappear to and you will need them to give you some space too, otherwise every single thing you both do will be annoying to the other after just a few days.

Just put the baby back in with you. It's only a month of his life.

I think your options are either

1. you move into son's room
2. he moves into your room
3. they get an apartment

Really wouldn't have anyone sleeping in the living room - you, and they will hate it, your house will never feel tidy and they will feel unwanted and in the way. It's too long for a month. Either you give them a room or organise accommodation.

Only you and your OH can weigh up the cost v benefits. Would you be expected to pay for the accommodation if they're coming a long way?

If you have the kind of relationship where you can explain, say to them, he's a terrible sleeper and only sleeps well in his own room. Therefore we've found this lovely b&b or cottage minutes away.

However, if they're flying over, will they hire a car or expect you/DH to run them about? You need to take that into consideration too - if SIL comes too do you have a big enough car to fit 4 adults and a baby seat it, assuming you're going to have to run them about when DH is working.

Even if you love the, dearly, 4 weeks is a looong time, so ensure you've talked through all scenarios with DH and you're both on board with decisions before they arrive.

Eg - who will do cooking, cleaning, buying food? Will they chip in or be expecting you to wait on them hand and foot? Do you all speak the same language? If no, can DH ensure group conversations are always in English so you can join in? Will MIL expect to be kowtowed to as the matriarch of the family, will she attempt to organise your cupboards or pass comment on your slovenly ways?? (All this I've seen threads on recently😂)

Will they expect you as a family to pay for trips out together and meals? Petrol? Obviously there's no tight and wrong here, but you do need to agree and communicate it in advance as misunderstandings over these things have the potential to spoil their time with you.

Good luck, and stock up on gin and chocolate, you'll need it!

Uphill with all due respect, would you really invite yourself to stay for 6 weeks and be insulted if you weren't the main priority?

I think you would be unbelievably rude and show a total lack of respect to your husband's parents. (I am now PIL apologist by the way!)

Be honest, you want your DS in a different room because sleep training will be easier for YOU. Your DS will not suffer harm being in the same room as his parents for a month, but you could do irreparable damage to your relationship with your PILs if you continue. And it sounds like your husband is upset about this as well.

Stop being PFB, act like a grown up. Yes, that means sucking some stuff up.

Good advice from Narnia. You need to plan a trip of this length or you could end up driving them back to the airport on Day Two.

I have to say though that it's not very considerate of three people to expect to stay in a two bedroom house with a family of three unless they are skint.

Sorry NOT a PIL apologist!

I can't imagine how you could fit 5 adults and a baby in a two bed house. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

why don't you just come clean and tell them you don't want them to stay ?

passive aggression is rather undignified

Where are they planning on putting your SIL? Are they going to tuck her in between them at night???
A hotel or holiday let, even a static caravan nearby, is definately the best option. Everyone gets privacy and they have a place for all there belongings etc.

YABU - sheesh - PILs should have your bed, and you sleep in with baby on sofabed.

Agree with Anyfucker
curbside no I wouldn't but then again do we know the context of they're visit?

YANBU!!! I couldn't and wouldn't ever dream of having people to stay for that length of time in such a small place.

I don't know of where they are coming from its normal for people to live like that, but in Western Europe you do not have 6 people living between 2 bedrooms. I don't see why anyone would actually expect this?

As someone who's recently had PIL's to stay for a long time (6 weeks), YABVVU - to them and to yourself. All of you will need some space to retreat to when you want to cool down. We have a significantly bigger house and it still got claustrophobic at times!

Mine went absolutely nowhere without us (can't drive, won't walk), so spent all their time in the house. However we were aware it would be like this when they came. We also accepted that we would pay for everything and I would continue to do all cooking/cleaning.

Have an open discussion with your DH about how you both think the visit will work and go from there.

Oh and lots and lots of wine!

Yanbu- 'guests' that come for an entire month when clearly you are not equipt for that sort of thing are unreasonable. If it were a weekend I would move your child but it sounds like you are being imposed upon.

It will create more problems having them in the living room.
Your baby will adapt. You would be seen as very rude to have them 'camping out,' on the sofa bed, especially at their age.

I couldn't survive 6 weeks with in laws and I think if I tried to, our relationship would go from not great to pretty terrible! better to realise what you can and can't do now than to risk the relationship deteriorating by trying to have them stay I think.

Having your DS in with you for a month is going to be far less intrusive than losing the use of your living room for a month.