To not move DS out of guestroom even though it means PILs will have to sleep on sofa-bed?

[Chiup]

They are coming from overseas to stay for a month (possibly longer). DSil may come too. We have a 2-bed house. It feels cramped already.

DS is 8months. We've just moved his cot into guestroom to assist with sleep-training. DH feels we should move him back into our bedroom for duration of visit but I don't want to. It's his room now. He sleeps better in own room, as he used to wake every time we got up to use ensuite or snored! It's also nice to have all his toys in one place and I've turned the double bed into a play area.

We can offer PILs our double sofa-bed in lounge or they could get a hotel/holiday apartment nearby. I'd prefer the latter but it's obviously expensive and inhospitable. Sil could sleep on floor or have sofa-bed if PILs get a hotel. They are lovely people but I find it stressful having guests. I also don't want to give up our bedroom to them as I need to be on same floor as DS for night feed and settling him.

AIBU?

[RhiWrites]

You want to give a baby a double bedroom, PIL a sofabed and SIL sleep on the floor?

My god, that's unreasonable as hell. It's just unbelievably selfish.

I don't think you should have guests unless you're prepared to actually host them. That means putting yourself out a bit. Your baby doesn't need a double bedroom.

[Ready123]

I think YANBU. You live in a small house and it is important to establish bedtime routine for your son. Personally I think it is very unreasonable for your relatives to expect to stay with you for more than a couple of nights in the circumstances.

I would explain to them in advance that you can't put them up in your son's room because you are establishing a routine. Recommend some local accommodation or Airbnb (which may not be too expensive). Maybe even offer to split the cost of accommodation with them if you know money is tight for them.

If they are insistent on staying with you, I think a month is a very long time indeed to have people in your living room. If I were them I would absolutely hate it too. I think that you would therefore need to be prepared to move your son if they chose to kick up a fuss or be offended that you have suggested accommodation elsewhere. Though personally I think they would be very unreasonable to expect to stay for that long in a two bedroom house with a new baby.

[Ameliablue]

Yes it is disrespectful.I wouldn't test my parents like that so wouldn't treat in-laws like it either.

[kiwikiwi]

YANBU. I was in a similar situation, small two bed and a baby under one. PIL ended up renting a room from one of our neighbours.

Our reasons:
We had worked so hard to get him settled into his cot that we didn't want to risk it by bringing him back in with us.
He'd wake and cry during the night and DP and I needed to take it in turns while one slept (difficult if all in the same room) otherwise none of us would get any rest!

A month is a long time, and it was best to have some downtime and breathing space away from one another. Due to distances and expenses of travelling, negotiating less than a month was difficult.

[PiperChapstick]

YABVU - I can't believe you're expecting adults to sleep on a sofa in the living room while a tiny baby gets his own room. Are they elderly? Is their DD a child?

I think you need to start by saying two weeks max visit - and give them the room. Can DS sleep in your room and you on the sofa bed if you're very adamant about the sleep training thing?

[teatowel]

Very rude but also a stupid idea As others have said you will actually be much happier with them in a room of their own. They will constantly be with you at all times, if they are sleeping in the living room. There will be no break at all and their belongings will be every where too.

[grannytomine]

I think its difficult. If I am visiting my son and dil for more than a night I book a hotel, your own space makes for good relationships in my experience but can they afford that? For me it is probably 4 or 5 nights but a month, plus air fares, would break the bank for alot of people.

I agree with people who say it will be easier for you if they are in a bedroom, someone sleeping in the lounge for a month would take me to the point of murder and to be honest it does seem rude.

[ZenNudist]

Yabu

You can't leave a double bed empty and sleep some guests on the floor or guest bed ... for a month!

As to having guests for that length Of time I sympathise but wwyd if it were your DPs? I the same boat?

[grannytomine]

Of course you could always let them have DSs room and DS, I am sure granny would be happy for some night time cuddles (I might have sneaked grandson in for a cuddle one night but I'm admitting nothing.)

[strawberrypenguin]

YANBU it's not a guest room anymore it's DS's room. Our 'spare' room will also become our second DC's room soon and there is no way I'd move them out once in there - it's their room.
You don't have the room to accommodate guests anymore so they have to find alternative accommodation - not rude at all (also a month is a long time to have yours and DS's sleep disturbed again)

[Griphook]

If they sleep In ds's room at least you get a bit more space as they might lie in, if they are in the front
Room they will have to
Get up when you do

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Gawd what a nightmare. A month ! Will SIL come for a whole month too or just a week or two? Assume she has a job so a month is a lot of time to take off?

It's tricky if your husband and his family are from a culture that generally shares a small living space and will come across as exceptionally rude. 3 extra adults is a lot though.

It's worth bearing in mind that if you go away on holiday or to visit friends that you are likely to share a room with your PFB so there is little harm in making him a bomb proof sleeper for the snoring at any rate.

I'd continue with the sleep training and move him into your room for the visit but use the main bathroom for any overnight loo trips.

It's worth also checking out short term lets/local nice B&B's to you to see if they will offer a decent rate. You can then present it as an option.

Make sure that there is a finite period for the invitation and preferably 3 weeks tops or a trip away as part of the visit?

[Oysterbabe]

I don't get why you need to be on the same level as baby. I assume you have a monitor? The reasonable options as I see them are:

1. Baby in with you. Guests in baby room.
   
2. You in with baby. Guests in your room.
   
3. Baby in own room. Guests in your room. You on sofa bed.
   

Them sleeping on the sofa would be horrible for everyone and very rude.

[SpuriouserAndSpuriouser]

It would be unreasonable to make them sleep on the sofa bed, but to be honest I completely understand why you want your DS in his own room. And a month is a long time, especially in a 2 bed house! I think that if the trip isn't booked yet then just make it clear that they will have to stay in an apartment nearby.

[DansonslaCapucine]

I have a 4 bedroomed house and there is no chance I'd have anyone to stay for a month. I just couldn't do it.

A weekend at the absolute most.

I'm stunned at how accommodating everyone here is, or seems to be anyway.

[Youarentkiddingme]

I think the issue is calling a second bedroom in a 2 bed house where there are parents and a child a guest bedroom.
Surely it's ds room?

Having said that he's still really Young so id do it this once and explain that the bedroom will then become DS bedroom and no longer be a guest room.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Yabu
You even call it the guest room, and it even has s double bed your ds isn't going to need for a decade or so.

Move in with him, or move his cot in with you.

[Umbrelladilemma]

YABU. I have a 7 year old and I would love her in with us (or us in with her) under similar circumstances.

[Oysterbabe]

Just to add I would never have anyone to stay for more than 2 nights. But then I'm a right miserable cow.

[ohtheholidays]

No YANBU a 2 bed and 3 adults are coming to stay for a month at least but it could be longer.I'd be bald by the time they'd left from pulling my hair out.

Can they not afford to stay at a premier inn or a b&b?

[Maddaddam]

A month!!??
2 nights is too much with my parents and we do have a room for them.
Do they really have to stay with you that long?
Am feeling a bit ill at the thought of my parents or ILs staying for more than a few days.

I liked having my dc sleeping in with me, and we co-slept a lot, but if my baby slept better in a separate room then I would be very reluctant to move it back in with me for a month. Sleep is really important.

Maybe your home is just not big enough for guests to come for a month.

[squoosh]

Airbnb would cost a hell of a lot less than Premier Inn. Is there no way they'd look into this?

[CamboricumMinor]

Give them your room and you sleep on the double bed in your son's room?

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

You will really resent them being in the sitting room after a while. If they wake later than you (or your DS) you will be tiptoeing around in the mornings. What if they want an early night and you wanted to stay up and watch TV before doing a late feed?
Put them in your DS's room and bring your DS back in with you.

I also agree with previous posters that you may commit a huge cultural faux pas if they feel they are unwelcome (obviously depends where they are from).

[SilverDragonfly1]

You don't have a guest room, you have a nursery. YANBU.