Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

Loads of things are everyday normal noise but we don't all do them at 6.00 a.m. which is early.

It also depends whether people think a nice relationship with neighbours is important or not. I think it is.

X-post. I try to wash it as infrequently as I can but I do have to wet it to tame it though. What do you do when not washing/wetting?!

I've just had a similar thing!

Our NDN have recently had a baby and it sleeps in the room next to ours and the walls are paper thin. I have the world's loudest hairdryer (seriously, it sounds like a helicopter landing) so I now dry my hair downstairs if I need to dry it early in the morning (and 6am would be early in my book). It's not a great hardship. It's just being considerate. If she's been polite to you, be polite back.

If I had pleasant neighbours and I was waking them at 6am, if I could do anything I would.

Whether that be using another room (living room with dog in kitchen or bedroom while you are drying, train dog to accept hairdryer), or use a less powerful hairdryer.

It all part of cooperating with each other when you live in a house with sound proofing issues.

She is NBU to mention it to you. YAonlyBU if you take your husbands attitude and don't try anything to resolve the issue.

I don't think anyone is telling the OP when to wash her hair, people are suggesting alternatives. There clearly are alternatives to waking her neighbour at 6.00 a.m. with her powerful hair dryer.

If I knew I was waking my neighbour, I'd change my routine.

Neither of you ABU. It's reasonable of her to ask, and pleasant of her to ask nicely. Sounds like she doesn't want to trouble me the relationship unduly, just let you know she can hear. You've had a think about it but can't see any other accommodations you can do. You are already trying to keep it as quiet as possible (quieter hairdryer?). Just let her know that you're sorry, tried various modifications, can't improve the situation. DH is BU though. Weird he can't tolerate someone making a simple request - you aren't obliged to accommodate it.

Very little Smashing. I finger-comb it to make sure it's not knotty. If the curls are starting to separate and cause frizz, I use a small amount of either hair oil or conditioning spray to tame it. If it's flattening, I spray some hairspray into the roots and give it a quick blast with the hair dryer with my head upside down. I never wet it unless it's getting conditioned, even if it isn't getting washed. It gets washed when there's a build-up of product or it's getting greasy or when I've been somewhere smelly and it's clinging to my hair.

I can't believe it would actually wake her up tbh! I've lived in detached houses for a long time now but even so, I can't ever remember a hairdryer - or in fact anything - waking me up, not ever. A neighbours dog used to bark incessantly throughout the day when I lived in a semi and it drove me crazy but I was already awake.

As others have pointed out, noise is expected when you're living in an attached house and to have to change your routine for a few minutes hairdrying twice a week is ridiculous. If you were blasting music incessantly or had a loud tv against the wall, I'd say the opposite.

But in this case I think its nitpicking from her to be honest. Whilst I think your husband is wrong to suggest being rude to her (although I totally understand his view) I do agree that you shouldn't have to change your routine for a twice weekly 5 minute hairdrying session simply because it's part and parcel of attached living.

I'd simply nod and commiserate with her about the walls being so thin. That's life in a terraced or semi-detached house. It's why people prefer detached houses.

It's not excessive. As you say, you can hear her phone ring, probably an alarm go off if you weren't already gone out of the house.

Cosytoaster- that's ridiculous. Do you dry your hair in someone else's bedroom when they are in there. I don't think so.

I'm on the OP's side here I'm afraid. I put up with enough noise from my neighbours. Neighbour 1 has the noisiest cat imaginable and neighbour 2 who we share a drive with works shifts and uses a motorbike which he leaves running for ages when he arrives home well after midnight whilst he opens the garage door and similarly well before 6.00am in the morning when he turns it on and lets it warm up before he roars away.

A hairdryer is normal everyday noise and OP has obviously considered whether there is anywhere else she can do, and there isn't. I don't think she is being unreasonable. If she was playing loud music it would be a different matter - but a hairdryer certainly not.

If your neighbour wrote on MN saying 'every bloody morning at 6am I am awoken by the sound of the neighbour's hairdryer' - almost everyone would say ' why don't you have a polite word with her because she is probably not aware of it'.

I think your neighbour approached you politely. You have now been made aware of it.

She has been reasonable in approaching you politely.

How you respond will determine whether you are reasonable or not or whether you are going to be a selfish arse.

Under Statutory Law - the timing for a noise to be considered a nuisance is between 11pm and 7am. That is what the LAW deems too late/too early. So 6am is early by the legal definition.

Is there such a thing as a quieter hairdryer? If so invest in one. Or find an alternate way to dry your hair or an alternate place or alternate time.

Wow, I'm really surprised by how many people think you ABU. I live in a terrace with paper thin walls but think that using a hairdryer at 6am on a weekday is just part and parcel of normal life. As a neighbour I would just suck that sort of noise up.

I've lived in houses with hideously noisy neighbours in the past (think thumping bass and involvement from Environmental Health) and am really sensitive to noise but would really find it hard to be bothered by this. I think a hairdryer in a bedroom is in a different league to loud parties, thumping. bass and top volume surround sound films and computer games.

What? Asking you not to use a hairdryer?

Ignore and carry on. How bonkers.

Put the dog in your bedroom and use the living room. It's going to be very unpleasant not to do it now.

A hairdryer would not be loud enough for a nuisance noise.... not by a country mile.

I wouldn't cuckoo, I'd suggest she bought some ear plugs.

A hairdryer is not going to break the law and be considered a nuisance noise, ever.

Sucking noise up may not be an option for them- they may already sleep poorly, be in pain, not be able to sleep afterwards-why would you want perfectly nice people to have a day of tiredness when it would be easy to accommodate them? And there's also the possibility that they will suddenly consider it reasonable to practice the piano at 5am now...

Getting along with people isn't really about whose being unreasonable, it's just give and take where you can.

Thanks Elderly

lostinmiddlemarch Moving the dog is not an option!
She knows that when we come downstairs in the morning, we're straight out for a run. As soon as we open the living room door, she shoots off and waits at the front door. On the couple of occasions we've done something different, she's sat at the front door howling like someone's trying to murder her.

This is one of those threads where I think half those responding live in another world

Indeed. Hence the responses 'if the neighbour doesn't want to hear her neighbours, she should just buy a detached house' .

OP, your neighbour should swap with me for a while. Then instead of occasional hairdryer use, she could have to hear The Family With The Worlds Loudest Voices That Never Stop Yelling At Each Other. You will seem to be peaceful in comparison. DP and I are currently seriously looking into extra soundproofing.

But YANBU to use your hairdryer – you are doing it out of necessity not to annoy your neighbour. And I bet it’s just that she can hear it – it won’t actually be waking her up. Would she change her habits or routine if you asked her to – I bet not.

Have you considered using a bobble or a clip on those days? I'm with you on the curls/frizz thing, except mine is also super thick into the bargain so takes 30 minutes to dry properly. Clips and/or bobbles are a godsend those days when I can't be arsed don't have time

can it be used in the bathroom with an extension lead?

I once posted about noise waking us.

It wasn't a residential neighbour, it was a council-run site.

And it happened every two-three weeks when they had a particular delivery.

DS was a young toddler at the time, so once we were awake we were up for the day.

And I had a job that entailed working until midnight and not getting home until about 1am.

We were always woken early on the day I was at work, so if we were up at 6am I knew I wouldn't be sleeping again until the early hours of the following day.

I had also recently been in a serious accident, which if I'm honest I'm still not recovered from now, more than eight years later. I still get pain, and feel easily tired. And when I'm tired the pain is worse.

So being woken at that time, even thought it wasn't daily, was stressful. I knew it was coming and felt on edge waiting for it.

DS was a good sleeper at the time, and so would usually sleep until 7:30-8am if not woken by the noise. Which was so loud that the first time we heard it we thought it was inside the house.

Complaining didn't help. They did admit that they were not supposed to make any noise until after 7am, but as it was only happening once in every fortnight/three weeks they seemed to think it was okay to break that rule as it suited them better to do so.

I did get some good advice on here, but the comments about 6am being normal for some people didn't help, neither did comments about moving house, or getting a different job with different hours. Because 6am wasn't normal for us, nor for our closest neighbours (one retired, one working shifts and so getting in later at night that I did). It wasn't just me complaining to them.

Moving wasn't possible, we'd moved twice in the space of three years and couldn't afford to do it again. A detached house would have made no difference even if we could afford one. We weren't attached to this neighbour, they were across the road (actually two roads and two large grass areas because of the way our street is laid out) but opposite our house.

Neither was finding a different job an option. The one I have had needed to fit in with DH being away and the times my parents could help with childcare, plus after the accident it made applying for new work difficult as I had to explain why I'd had time off and you can see potential employers writing you off as someone who will always be on the sick when you start explaining accident, near death, long term recovery and long lasting injury.

I feel for your neighbour OP. You're not doing anything wrong as such, but the impact on her and her family even once or twice a week could be far greater than you and your DH imagine.

I'd make a change to my routine if I were you, because good relations with the neighbours are important, and if you knowingly keep waking her now, you might find that she reacts by being noisy at a time when you'd like her to be quiet. And if she moves, you might get worse neighbours than her who do something to annoy you.

If you can use the kitchen yourself, or buy a quieter hairdryer, I think you should. Even if the dog can't go in the kitchen, can you? Would that move you away from the joint wall?

I do think you have to do something now you are aware of the problem, especially as you say she's a lovely neighbour and let you know in a very polite way.

hellsbellsmelons a diffuser is great for curly hair.

Idon't think yabu actually and i suffer horrendously when i don't get a lot of sleep.
Using a hair dryer is not excessive noise.
I wouldn't be able to leave my hair to dry naturally either, it would end up looking like it needed a wash and i would end up with a headache.
I wouldn't use straighteners either, much worse than a hair dryer.

Not for mine - I've tried everything and any kind of drying (if I'm leaving it curly) just makes it way too fluffy.
My sister is the same. We cannot dry our hair with anything.
I may try again as I do have one but I'm not hopeful.