Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

[MetalMidget]

Councils deem 11pm - 7am as 'night', and can take action against people who make unacceptably loud or prolonged noises between those hours, so your neighbour is not being unreasonable at being miffed at being awoken at 6am.

Part of living in a semi/terraced/flat is that you have to accept that there will be noises from the neighbours, but also that everyone should make an effort to minimise those noises at unsociable hours.

[MartinaJ]

Get the dog into a different room, close the door and dry your hair.

[PosieReturningParker]

^Councils deem 11pm - 7am as 'night', and can take action against people who make unacceptably loud or prolonged noises between those hours, so your neighbour is not being unreasonable at being miffed at being awoken at 6am.

Part of living in a semi/terraced/flat is that you have to accept that there will be noises from the neighbours, but also that everyone should make an effort to minimise those noises at unsociable hours.^

It's a hairdryer. FFS. No council is going to agree that a hairdryer is a nuisance noise.


Use your hairdryer OP. I agree with the PP who said it wasn't waking your neighbour and that she probably was awake and heard it.

[houseeveryweekend]

well I don't think either of you are unreasonable. She just wants to not be woken up but then you need to go to work so what can you do?
Its only a couple of mornings a week. Personally even though im a sahm I expect to get woken early by the noise from the neigbours getting ready for work on a weekday. People need to get ready for work don't they!
If I get woken up at 6am on a weekend tho... then im not that happy lol! But I still would never complain to the neighbours unless it was music or drilling at that time. A hair dryer is just a normal life noise I think people just have to deal with it!! xxx

[iyamehooru]

I would continue. You are in your own home getting ready for work. If you see her again you can say you understand it must be annoying but there's nowhere else to dry your hair and comment on the building's shortcomings not being your fault.

[BobbyV]

YANBU

god forbid you had a baby that cried through the night too ! what would she expect then?

carry on as normal

[Arkwright]

My old neighbour used to do this at 5.30 every week day morning. It used to drive me insane. Thankfully they moved out only to be replaced with a dog that barks all day and night.

A hairdryer that early in the morning is extremely loud.

[SmashingBumpkins]

MartinaJ Get the dog into a different room, close the door and dry your hair.

Read the bloody thread please. If I get the dog out the living room to dry my hair, she will sit outside the living room door howling like a banshee waiting for her morning run. This will probably wake up half the street, never mind the NDN.

[IlikePercyPig]

YANBU OP, it's a hairdryer and I'm now sitting here going at certain posters.

[xenapants]

YABU. Why is it unacceptable for you to dry your hair elsewhere in the house and wake your children up, but acceptable for you to wake your neighbour? You're being very selfish. Either do it elsewhere in the house and wake your own family, or wash your hair the night before, or get a haircut that doesn't involve such a ridiculous routine at such a stupid hour of the morning, it's really not rocket science.

[xenapants]

Also: Train your dog. Absolutely no excuse for not doing so. Frankly you sound very lazy and entitled.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

On consideration I suspect that my fairly powerful hairdryer is as noisy as a hoover and I'd never consider hoovering at 6.45 in the morning as I live in a mid terrace house. I dry my hair daily at that time Mon-Fri but I know my neighbours have a built in wardrobe on the other side of the wall, and the husband departs for work at 6.45 every morning so there's a good chance that his wife and two small children are awake too.

You could always ask to pop next door and listen, but for two mornings a week unless you have a very new build house I'd be inclined to point out that you do try to avoid disturbing them by showering at the gym v frequently.

[SmashingBumpkins]

xena Why is it unacceptable for you to dry your hair elsewhere in the house and wake your children up, but acceptable for you to wake your neighbour?

. It's much more U to walk into DC's bedrooms at 6am and dry my hair in there with them in there than to do it in my own bedroom with the risk that the sounds travels through the wall to ND. And, TBH, I care a lot more about my DC getting enough sleep than my NDN. Of course I would choose to inconvenience a neighbour rather than my DC. Surely everyone would!?

get a haircut that doesn't involve such a ridiculous routine at such a stupid hour of the morning, it's really not rocket science

Errm, I dry my hair for ten minutes each morning. That surely cannot be classed, in anyone's book, as a ridiculous hair routine

[etttvatre]

YANBU, 6am is a normal time to get ready for work. And if it's only for ten minutes twice a week it can't be that much of a nuisance? I'd keep on doing it.

[Ilovenannyplum]

YANBU

You shouldn't dry your hair in your own home because it upsets your neighbour?
Sorry but if she doesn't like the noise tell her to buy a semi detached house.
Hair dryers aren't that noisy! It's not like your driving a bulldozer up and down the garden every day.

[SmashingBumpkins]

xenapants Frankly you sound very lazy and entitled.

Because I'm up at 5:45am and then want to use my own hairdryer in my own bedroom? Fucking hell.

[Ilovenannyplum]

Sorry a detached house even!

Fail.

[IlikePercyPig]

Lazy and entitled for wanting to look decent for work?

Okay then.

[Arkwright]

Not everyone gets up at 6am. Making noise before 7am is unacceptable.

[Narnia72]

OP - lots of people have made helpful suggestions:

quieter hairdryer
move/train dog so you can use a downstairs room
use a child's room
change haircare routine

You say you're not prepared to do any of these, so you have your answer. You've decided to put your needs before your neighbour's.

If you want to keep on her good side I'd explain that you've looked into possible options but can't think of another solution. Tell her you'll try and keep as quiet as possible and ensure it's no more than twice a week.

I would personally (also have naturally curly hair and don't dry it because of resulting frizz) do the plopping method and dry off if you feel you have to just before you leave for work - after you've walked the dog, got dressed, brushed your teeth etc. It could be the last thing rather than the first thing you do in the morning. Even if that's 6.30 rather than 6 it's something.

I'd be quite hacked off if I was your neighbour, and, having mentioned it was an issue, you appeared to do nothing to rectify it. Even if you pay lip service and acknowledge it's a problem I would feel happier that you were aware.

There is a real difference between unavoidable noise (babies crying, having to start the car to go to work etc) and avoidable noise (vacuuming, drying hair, loud radios). The former are unfortunate and part and parcel of living close by, the latter are inconsiderate.

[MerryMarigold]

I think if you do decide to carry on, it would help neighbourly relations if you explain what you have done to us, otherwise she could just get irritated that she had the courage to bring it up nicely and it's been ignored. I would say something like, "Thanks for bring it up...I've really tried to think what I could do about it, but I can't go downstairs because of dog, and we have no other unoccupied rooms upstairs. I will wash it in the gym 3x per week, so I don't disturb, but I'm just sorry about the other 2 days." Something to show you have thought about it, and you don't think she was being unreasonable to ask (I personally think it's great she felt able to do that), but that you don't have another option. I think it will be easier for her to suck it up if she understands you have thought it through and tried your best to minimuse (by going to gym etc.).

[xenapants]

Yes, I think you're entitled because you're creating a problem and yet

a) you refuse to take on board any of the suggestions that people have made
b) you refuse to move the problem to another room because of your children, but don't give a damn if the same thing wakes up your neighbour.

And you have a clearly untrained dog, which accounts for lazy, which again you're using as an excuse to not do anything about this problem.

So, yes. Both lazy and entitled. I think you posted just wanting people to agree with you that your neighbour is unreasonable. She isn't, but you are, massively so.

[SmashingBumpkins]

Narnia I'm researching quiet hairdryers as we speak

Merry Will definitely mention something next time we stop and speak

[MerryMarigold]

Oh yes, and to the people who say some people live in another world. I am another one of them!

Myself and kids get up at 7-7.30am, which is plenty of time to get to school for 9am. I would be upset if I was woken an hour earlier each day - that hour is precious sleep. I wouldn't let my kids run around the house or garden shouting at 6am either, even if it made their life more pleasant, and my life easier as I wasn't having to train them to be quiet and considerate. I don't let them out in the garden in the summer until 9.30am.