Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

[Sunnyshores]

There are neighbours that do much much worse than this and better weekdays than weekends, its an unfortunate part of living in a terrace. BUT she sounds as if she asked nicely and I too find noise unbearable, so perhaps you could try and do it downstairs or buy a new quieter hairdrier. If not then, ya not really being too U

[SmashingBumpkins]

Walter It takes me about 10 minutes or so. It doesn't have to be washed every morning but even if I'm not washing, it still needs wetting and then drying because it's curly, frizzy, unruly and, generally, shit!

[BarbarianMum]

If it were her waking your kids up at 6am, would you really be thinking that? Suspect not.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Why wouldn't she, Barbarian? The same still applies.

[bananamonkey]

YANBU. Your neighbour needs to get over it, it's not every day. I take it they never make any noise whatsoever? I also get up at 6am, I don't usually dry my hair in the morning because I'm too lazy to get up any earlier to wash it but yesterday I dried my hair at 6.45, I have to get ready for work, it's normal life!

[SmashingBumpkins]

Barbarian It's nothing to do with kids, hers or mine.

If something/someone was waking my kids up with this kind of noise, I'd see what we could do about it like moving position of beds, something against the wall etc. Otherwise, I'd explain to the kids that for two days a week, it's unfortunate but our houses are attached and sometimes other people wake us up but we should try not to be grumpy about it.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Other people's wake up times are totally irrelevant.

Her neighbour, with whom she has a good, non-confrontational relationship as raised an issue.

Whether anyone here thinks 6am is ok or not doesn't matter.

[1frenchfoodie]

Lack of soundproofing by housebuilders is the real problem here but I don't think your neighbour is BU. If you wash and dry it at the gym 3-4 days a week and let it dry naturally at the weekend does it need washed at all those other 1-2 days a week?

[Pinkheart5915]

I don't see how using a hairdryer at 6am a couple of times a week as a problem. If you have to get up and wash hair at 6am what are you meant to do? Why should you change your hair washing routine in your own home to please a neighbour?
It is not excessive noise, not like it's some DIY at 6am.
I think the neighbour needs to understand a lot of houses especially new builds tend to have very thin walls!

[Waltermittythesequel]

Some hairdryers are insanely loud, though. So could be much the same as a drill!

[extralemonylemoncake]

So it's completely irrelevant whether half the world is awake then or not, the neighbour isn't!

Actually, it is relevant. I'm a night owl and would love to be able to do my vacuuming / use my very noise blender in the middle of night. Not something I'd ever do in a terraced house though. If I have very different sleeping or working patterns to the majority of people, that's my problem and my problem alone and I'm the one who will have to adapt.

[spiderlight]

Could the dog be moved into another room for a few minutes - in the kitchen with a nice big distracting chew or a Kong or playing hide-and-seek with treats - while you dry your hair in the living room with the door shut? That's what I'd at least try for the sake of neighbourly goodwill.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Quite true, Walter, so as the op doesn't think it's an issue so can carry on and the neighbour can get some earplugs

[ElderlyKoreanLady]

YANBU. But as she's not been an arse about it, I'd probably compromise and try to find a quieter hair dryer. If, and only if, it wouldn't add too much time to your morning. Part of living close to others is accepting that you will hear the noises of their daily routine.

at people suggesting OP uses straighteners instead. I'm going to go out on a whim and say OP is using the best tool for her hair. I have very long, very curly hair. I've got straighteners but haven't used them in years because it takes absolutely ages to do and my hair feels awful for weeks after. I use a hairdryer with a massive diffuser on the hottest but slowest setting, with a dollop of mousse through my hair. Letting it dry naturally is only an option when it's much shorter.

[Binkybix]

I'm on the fence with the hairdryer thing, it would be annoying and you do seem to be mimicking your DH's dig the heels in style in your replies.

But I have to agree that this is massively taking the piss. Living in flats works because people give and take. To me that would include NOT doing a regular work out when you live above people!

I have a similar situation with my downstairs neighbors, I've quit my gym membership in place of a subscription work out at home thing. I must sound like an elephant coming through their ceiling, but that's just the unfortunate thing of living so close to people

[Binkybix]

Sorry, I meant that mummypig is taking the piss, not OP.

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

Yanbu a hairdryer is a normal every day noise that you either put up with or move where you have no neighbours.

[SmashingBumpkins]

Spider We don't let the dog in the kitchen at all. If I booted her out of the living room for ten minutes whilst I did my hair, she would sit at the door and whine. No way would a Kong or hide and seek distract her because she knows she's out for a run as soon as we get downstairs.
Much of our home life revolves around the bloody dog!

[Italiangreyhound]

YABU.

6.00 a.m. is very early.

She mentioned it politely and your husband is being unreasonable not to recognise that this was a nice way of brining it to your attention rather than complaining and maybe spoiling your friendship.

It's in your hands now. You could use another room in the house to do it if you have to do it, or buy a quieter hair dryer, or let it dry naturally (probably better for your hair, heat is very damaging).

Just imagine she got up at 6.00 and did something that woke you, your husband, your kids and your dog, every week. Whether it was one day a week or two or more, it would be unreasonable, wouldn't it?

Our neighbours in our old house could hear the click of metal on china of us eating cereal in bed with metal spoons in the morning! I think we switched to plastic ones!

[ElderlyKoreanLady]

As an aside Smashing and contradicting what I just said slightly I've always found my curly hair gets more unruly the more I wash/wet it. I wash once or twice a week and my curls stay lovely and glossy. More for you than your neighbour, can I suggest that you try it?

[silvermantela]

This thread is making me glad that my neighbours are all later risers like me - I'd get so grumpy if I was woken up an hour and a half earlier than I needed to be every single day. OTOH I then wouldn't think they had a leg to stand on if they tried to moan about me using my hairdryer/watching TV at 11.30pm... would you think this was fair enough OP?

YouMakeMyDreams - dunno, I think if NDN was receiving phone calls at 6am every Saturday and Sunday and it woke OP up every time I don't think OP would be unreasonable to ask NDN to move their phone to another room/put it on vibrate and then go outside to talk, either.

tbh I don't think either of you are being particularly U - however, if there was a relatively easy way (i.e. spending £20 on a quiet hairdryer) for you to make life easier for someone else, and in the long run for yourself, as it would be better to be on good terms with the NDN rather than falling out over something so petty, its good karma to do it. Otherwise, yes, there are typical disadvantages to living close to people, and NDN may have to just accept it - but by the same token if your DC can't get to sleep on the odd weeknight because NDN are still watching TV or have friends round at 11pm - the same applies to you.

[SmashingBumpkins]

Elderly Yes, this is my routine, massive diffuser, mousse, spray and lots of prayers

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

A few years ago a client of mine had a noise abatement order serve red on them for normal level tv noise at 6am. Because it could be heard in the neighbours house.

People always think you can make as much noise as you want inbetween certain hours but it's not always the case.

You are not entitled to cause a disturbance to your neighbours and are meant to take steps to reduce disturbance. I don't know if a hairdryer would qualify as a disturbance but it would more than likely be considered to be preventable.

[cosytoaster]

I don't think either of you is being unreasonable (though your DH is). Why can't you use one of your DCs rooms? Is it because you feel it's OK to wake your neighbour but not your children?

[PegsPigs]

Are you lot serious??? Telling the OP to wash her hair in the evening instead of the morning when it suits her? I have to wash my hair every single morning or it looks hideously greasy. Even if I washed if the night before I'd have to wash it again.

And can people not read the OP post properly? She can't go downstairs because the dog will bark which will be even more of a disturbance.

Sharing a wall means sharing noise. Our neighbours vacuum at 10am every Sunday morning. Before we had kids it was really annoying and disturbed our lie ins but I would never have mentioned it because I own a terraced house and that's what you get if you don't own a detached house! We hear their TV and him coughing. They hear our DD being a noisy toddler. It works both ways.

OP if you wanted to take action I'd look into buying a super silent hairdryer and then use that for the early mornings.