Who is BU- me or neighbour?

[SmashingBumpkins]

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

I wonder if this is a geographical thing. People with long commutes etc? Or different industries? I've never had a 6 am regular start in my life or thought of it as normal.

They would hate to be my neighbours I have a toddler being very loud at 6am ! Enough to rival a hairdryer! Luckily my neighbour is a 91 year old gentleman who is pretty much deaf and can't hear a thing!

Okay, I admit I haven't read all the posts, but if anyone DID want to have a few extra minutes in bed in the morning (I know I do!), you CAN blow dry your hair the night before.

Yep, I never thought I could either. I was told by an American friend with hair like mine (frizzy/wild/tries, but fails miserably to form a nice curl pattern), who lives in a humid part of the country, so inevitably wakes with her hair ruined by overnight sweating, to put my hair up in a "pineapple" overnight.

After a few false starts, it works! And has given me an extra 30 minutes in bed in the morning. By pineapple, I mean brush it right up to the very top of your head and put it in a soft elastic (old tights waistband in my case).

I no longer even need to go over it with straighteners, just undo it and brush it into style. Miraculous when you get the hang of exactly where to brush it.

More miraculous, though, is my L'Oreal Steampod. If you need new straighteners and have difficult hair, try these. The steam kind of sets my hair so instead of washing daily, I now get away with every few days. Style just holds. Amazing things.

Oh, and I do, sadly, have extremely noisy neighbours (3 constantly barking dogs in a rented property that only allows one, to mention just one of their noises), who love to DIY until midnight. We're detached and can still hear them. I feel so sorry for their party wall neighbours. We also work 12 hour shifts so are sleep-deprived most of the time.

Constant noise, if you're the type of person that it affects badly (I am, unfortunately - noise-sensitivity is also a part of my medical condition), is very depressing. A little thought for people who are not moaning, but genuinely affected would be nice.

Sadly some people have to work and this is part of the package of living in attached housing.

Are you saying that if you're not up by 6am you don't have to work?

The biscuit have a biscuit. Blatantly picking her up wrong to start a fight.

There's a difference between avoidable and unavoidable noise. Toddlers are mostly unavoidable. Hairdryers are. Why you would want to make your neighbour miserable 2 days a week for your own convenience is beyond me.

Use a shower cap and wash your hair in the evening?

Wow, this is a tough scenario!

When looking at it from both sides of the coin, both parties have a reasonable argument for and against. On the one hand you have the neighbour being woken and on the other the OP who needs to dry her hair so this is a problem for both.
Some have suggested the OP change bedrooms - however, this is an equally valid point to make about the neighbour as she is the one with the issue. However, in changing bedrooms she may well find the neighbour the other side does something equally annoying such as setting their alarm early or snoring loudly!
It would be worth approaching the neighbour to discuss a resolution that would suit everyone. Perhaps by explaining the necessity to dry your hair she may be more understanding.
It's tough when people have to live in such close quarters, of course it is essential to show mutual respect to your neighbours, but when you have an issue with your neighbour over their behaviour it is as much your responsibility to deal with and seek resolution as theirs.

My Mum lives in a detcahed house about 50 metres from their neighbour, yet when my niece and nephew visit (only twice a year) she complains that she can hear the children running up and down the hallway! I think it boils down to what is a reasonable request and the level that the issue is inpeding on quality of living. Basically, it's important not to blow small issues out of proportion.Such small issues can quickly escalate into a ridiculous feud with tit for tat disturbances that achieve nothing except for further antagonism!

Good luck, I hope you both find an amicable solution - there are such bigger issues in the world to worry about :D xxx

The biscuit have a biscuit. Blatantly picking her up wrong to start a fight.

AIBU is for debate. Picking someone up on an absurd comment is legitimate.

Two days a week with a hairdryer doesn't seem excessive noise. It's soon over and done with as well.

Use a shower cap and wash your hair in the evening?

Apparently people with curly hair are too special to do that, Bath. So say people on this thread anyway. Frankly I think that's bollocks. If the OP only dries her hair twice a week with the hairdryer that's several other days when she clearly doesn't wash it in the morning and manages to go to work without having a meltdown over it, so obviously she can do it the night before, just chooses not to because she'd rather disturb her neighbour. Not her children though, oh no.

Xenapants, you obviously missed a post or two. OP only washes her hair at home and at 6am twice a week. At the weekends she does it later or leaves it wet and the other 3 days she does it at the gym.

I wash and dry my hair daily - thanks to hormonal changes its a mass of oil if I don't. If I do it at night it needs done again in the morning. DD is the same as she is going through puberty (the only difference being that she leaves hers wet)

If you are going to post aggressively, really you ought to make sure you've got your facts right first. Wouldn't want you looking a fool

So why can't she also leave it wet on the two days she does it at home instead of waking her neighbour up at 6am? All these "I've got curly hair, I can't do xyz" excuses are clearly bollocks if she does it quite happily the other three days.

Now who's looking like the idiot?

She's selfish. End of story. And what's more she knows she's in the wrong, she knows she's making noise too early, because she refuses to move the activity to another room because it'll wake up her precious children instead. But she's quite happy to wake the neighbour up. Selfish and a bad neighbour.

Because at home on the weekend she doesn't need to look polished and smart for work. Isn't that obvious, even to an aggressive annoyed person?

And weekends have two days, not three

And gyms have hairdryers... :p

So why can't she also leave it wet on the two days she does it at home instead of waking her neighbour up at 6am? All these "I've got curly hair, I can't do xyz" excuses are clearly bollocks if she does it quite happily the other three days.

I have very fine straight hair.
I wash and dry my hair every day. I don't think I'm special.
Why should the op go to work with wet hair?

Because she's not selfish xenapants. You know how, people are able to disagree with you? I don't think doing what you want in your own home is selfish, excepting anti social behaviour which is legislated for so you have a recompense (and anti social behaviour does not include hair drying )

No one died and made you in charge go deem what's selfish or not, miss bossy boots.

Continue with your routine. Most people are up 6-7am on a working day. In my old house I used to hear my neighbours hairdryer early in the morning. It didn't bother me and I never complained as didn't want to sound petty. It's not like you're using a drill at that time. She'll be telling you not to flush the toilet next.

I was thinking this also! 6am is a standard get up time for most people that I know.

If someone woke me a couple of times a week by getting ready in the morning, I would just invest in ear plugs. Plus it's a hair dryer, it's not renovation or something else equally disturbing!

6 am is a standard get up time for most people that I know.

That really doesn't mean that it's universal. Not only are there people who normally get up later for a standard working day, there are people who work shifts. And anyway, why should people who don't need to get up at that time be woken just because their neighbours do? It seems to me that it's perfectly reasonable to exercise normal consideration for other people - after all, this neighbour asked nicely, and it makes sense to stay on good terms with neighbours if you can, for all sorts of very obvious reasons.

She has an excuse for everything and a reason why she can't solve the problem for every single solution she has been offered

Not so, xenapants. Have a look at her post at 14.22 on Wednesday in answer to mine at 13.40. Given that she accepted a solution two days ago, I'm not really sure why this thread's still going.

I've never had to get p at 6:00 am. Neither has dh. Neither does anyone I work with. I consider it very early.

I hear my neighbour plugging in her hairdryer then using it every day at 6.20 (why can't she leave it plugged in???)
It is mildly annoying, but it's her house and I don't consider it unreasonable and would never dream of asking her not to. It's just normal house noise!

are you doing anything unreasonable - i.e something the general population would not expect to do at 6am? I think not. However, do you value a good relationship with your neighbour and are there positive outcomes for you to be had from her goodwill? If so, turn the hairdryer off.