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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU- me or neighbour?

355 replies

SmashingBumpkins · 02/03/2016 10:09

We get on well with our neighbours. We're not 'friends' as such but will always stop for a chat etc.

Yesterday I saw the woman at the corner shop and we walked home together having a chat.
On the way, she mentioned that I woke them up that morning with my hairdryer and, subtly, asked if I could not use the hairdryer early in the AM. With the way she asked she wasn't really asking for a response or even a conversation about it, just kind of mentioning it in passing I guess in the hope I'll change my routine IYSWIM. So, I didn't respond there and then.

I got home at told DH. He was really miffed about it and said she was very U and I should have told her to bugger off.

This hairdryer usage doesn't happen every day- 3 or 4 weekdays I shower at the gym so don't use a hairdryer at home. On the weekend, I either don't bother drying it or I'm doing it at about 10am.
So a couple of work days a week I do dry my hair at home and it's about 6am when I'm doing it- I recognise that this is v early for some!

I can't really dry my hair elsewhere in the house as the other 2 bedrooms are occupied by DCs and in the living room is the dog who's terrified of the hairdryer and will bark like a mad thing causing more noise.
DH said I'm mad for even considering sneaking around the house in the morning using the hairdryer somewhere inconvenient for me just to avoid inconveniencing the neighbours.

So, AIBU to be using the hairdryer at 6am a couple of days a week? Or is she BU to mention it?

I should say it's quite a powerful hairdryer and we have quite thin walls (we can hear their phone ringing, for example).

OP posts:
ConkersDontScareSpiders · 03/03/2016 07:44

I don't think it's unreasonable to dry your hair two days a week in your own bedroom in order to get ready for work.
If you don't live in the middle of nowhere then you can expect some noise from those that live around you.

Ternet · 03/03/2016 07:45

Have you considered that your neighbours comment mah be a one off, We have super thick walls, however one summer with a window hopper open I experienced a neighbour approach me about 'very loud television noise'?
I disputed this pointing out that I cant tolerate noisy neighbours so wouldnt contribute to being one. A few days later the same neighbour needed help as he was lost and disorientated in a usual familiar place? It turned out that he was just getting usednto his Metformin having recently been diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/03/2016 07:57

It's your house dry your hair when and where you want ffs. But don't tell her to bugger off, maybe give her some earplugs?!

Phalenopsisgirl · 03/03/2016 08:15

Omg! If she can hear your hairdryer she must be able to hear all sorts! I'd look into some sort of noise insulation cladding on that wall

Tomkat79 · 03/03/2016 08:17

My mum has finally emerged from 5 years of anxiety and depression associated with her neighbour. He worked nights and would regularly bang on the walls and shout/swear through the walls if she so much as had the tv on. He made her life hell and she would make us whisper when we visited. Was ridiculous. He's finally moved on to upset another household.
I don think YABU at all. 2 mornings a week is hardly excessive. Next door keep me awake snoring. Can hardly ask them to stop sleeping!

xenapants · 03/03/2016 08:21

The entire point of this thread, which has been pointed out multiple times but there's been no response from everyone who thinks she's behaving appropriately is that she KNOWS her hair drier is too loud because she refuses to use it anywhere else in the house in case she wakes her children up. Therefore she's being MASSIVELY unreasonable. She won't inconvenience her family, but she doesn't give a damn about inconveniencing her neighbour instead.

Also, pandering to a dog is utterly ridiculous. Why haven't you trained your dog not to howl? You sound awful, OP.

Phalenopsisgirl · 03/03/2016 08:25

I just found some great stuff, just under £50 a sheet ( obviously how many you'd need will depend on size of room) only 12 mm thick. Sorted. I'd want it for my own peace of mind!

brummiesue · 03/03/2016 08:25

I cant believe anyone thinks it's acceptable for her to just carry on and for the ndn to just suffer
6am is NOT a normal wake up time for a lot of people and you could easily dry your hair in another room - after all its only 2 days a weekHmm
You are being v v unreasonable and breathtakingly selfish, if I was your ndn you would be woken at 3am the next morning by a hairdryer back until you stopped

expatinscotland · 03/03/2016 08:28

'I am extremely noise phobic after having had a noisy and violent neighbour.

I cannot stand unnecessary noise which in my mind is loud music, overly loud TVs, shouting at stupid o'clock.

For a hairdryer to annoy me it would have to be extremely loud and at 3am.

If they can hear your hairdryer enough to mention it, when they haven't been disturbed by you and you DH talking, flushing the loo, talking to the dog etc then I think your hairdryer is too loud.'

This. I'd just carry on as usual.

ExConstance · 03/03/2016 08:32

YANBU, perfectly entitled to use a normal domestic appliance in your own home at a time which is not really early.

dworky · 03/03/2016 08:35

I don't think she's unreasonable to tell you.

I would happily switch to a room without an adjoining wall, to avoid disturbing a neighbours sleep.

sashadasher · 03/03/2016 08:41

YANBU I think if you buy a semi or terrace you must expect some degree of noise, you aren't putting on a loud radio/ tv/having party/doing DIY which would would BU.You are simply getting ready at a fairly reasonable time,most the people I know are already up at 6am.Maybe buy a quieter hairdryer if you can afford to but other than this stick to your routine.I sure she makes noise at times that you have to live with.

bobble293 · 03/03/2016 08:52

Perhaps as others have suggested, finding, and buying a quieter hairdryer might just be the best option. Telling your neighbours you've done so might improve your relationship with them, too.

I live in a semi detached house, and used to have noise problems with my neighbour. I had words by telephone at midnight one night, when he was still fitting bedroom furniture in his master bedroom... 9 inches away from my bedroom where I was trying to sleep! He thought I was joking when I suggested he stopped! Then there was the late night power washing of his van, petrol lawn mowing under the floodlamp, since it was so dark, and working on a car at 02.00 (noisily) outside our bedroom window. He also used to come home from work at a reasonable hour, then start hammer drilling late at night!

I wanted to kill him at times, but in the end he saved me the trouble by committing suicide...

Not a happy ending, but true.

MackerelOfFact · 03/03/2016 08:55

But xena there's a big difference between people in the same house being able to hear it and people in another house being able to hear it. And it's easy to tell if people in your house are awake or asleep, it's impossible to know if the neighbours are.

I've always lived in flats and terraces and never expected neighbours to modify perfectly normal behaviour to ensure I was as peaceful and rested as I would be in a detached house. You hear people's morning alarms, mobile phones vibrating through the ceiling, toilets flushing, raised voices, plates clattering, babies crying, doors banging, things being dropped on the floor. I can't tell you how many different noises. But unless they're clearly making excessive and completely unnecessary noise, it's just part and parcel of living in close physical proximity to strangers.

DeltaSunrise · 03/03/2016 08:56

Bloody hell, reading these replies, anyone would think you were setting off fireworks at 6am every single morning right next to your neighbours ear, not using a hairdryer at a perfectly reasonable time in your own house.

6am isn't that early. You are in your own house and it's 10minutes twice a week.

YA so NBU. I seriously can't believe anyone would think you are.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2016 09:01

I agree, Mackerel. I've also lived in flats and terraces bar a couple of years out of my adult life.

mandi73 · 03/03/2016 09:06

So let me understand this the next door neighbour can dictate when you should blow dry your hair, or that you don't blow dry it at all........and the majority agree with this? Really???
Bizarre.
It's all part and parcel of living, well, next door to someone.
We've had parties till 4am, dog barking constantly and neighbours having screaming matches but they don't last and on the whole they're ok neighbours so we get over it.
You could have parties all night long, letting the children scream and shout till midnight, play (crap) music till 3am but she wants you to STOP blow drying your hair twice maybe three times a week cos it's disturbing her.
I would suggest she moves to a cabin in the woods.

lamingtonnutty · 03/03/2016 09:13

Yanbu. Sadly some people have to work and this is part of the package of living in attached housing. I swear some people live with the fairies, it's not like you're banging on her wall with a hammer every morning.

traceofinsanity · 03/03/2016 09:13

I'm truly shocked that anyone would think this unreasonable behaviour! I'm with you op, my hair looks a state if not washed and blow dried every morning, and 6am is not unreasonably early for that sort of thing. You should be able to blow dry your hair when you want to in your own home. We also have very thin walls and I can actually hear next door's conversation now as I type. It's taken me a while to get used to the lack of privacy that comes with living in a terrace, but what can you do? As long as you're not doing DIY/shouting/mowing lawns etc early in the morning I think people just have to accept it or move to a detached home.

traceofinsanity · 03/03/2016 09:17

But no need to be rude to your neighbour either. She's not being unreasonable either, it's the bloody property developers who are more interested in making a fast buck than giving people reasonable privacy levels in their own homes! You've tried to come up with a solution, but found nothing that works for you. That's enough IMO.

OhahIlostmybra · 03/03/2016 09:34

Oh come on OP, can't you just shave your head?

crabbiearses · 03/03/2016 09:36

maybe its just me but if i want to dry my hair at 6am and not go to work with greasy hair then i will.

crabbiearses · 03/03/2016 09:41

id probably try get a quiet hairdryer though for the sake of diplomacy.

BirdInTheRoom · 03/03/2016 09:47

Yes but she's doing something that is waking the neighbours early, twice a week, every week.

The neighbour has not been rude or shitty about it, and it could be remedied very easily with a slight modification to her routine.

It would be incredibly selfish and un-neighbourly to do otherwise quite frankly.

Yes it could be worse, but when you're living in close quarters to people, it pays to be considerate to others and not be a nuisance.

marmaladegranny · 03/03/2016 09:49

Any chance of moving further away from the party wall? Perhaps in the usual room (?bedroom) but to the other side of the room as this can often help. I had an alarm clock very near the wall but when my neighbour mentioned it I moved it a foot away and all is well now.